DEAR HARRIETTE: On a few occasions, I have asked my neighbor if she could baby-sit my child while I go to work. My neighbor said yes, and that made me happy. I brought my child over to her house, which smelled like cigarette smoke. My neighbor assured me that she goes outside to smoke and it would be no problem to bring my son to the house. I went to pick up my son after work, and he smelled like smoke. I was very upset; she told me I would not have to worry about her smoking. My neighbor really helps me when I am in need, and I do not want to cause any strife between us. How do address the situation without severing our relationship? -- Upset Mom, Chicago

DEAR UPSET MOM: This moment calls for trusting your instincts. When you dropped your son off, you knew the house smelled of smoke. Yes, you were in a bind because you had to go to work, but that doesn't change that you were aware of the smoke in her home. Indeed, she could have smoked outside on that day, but if the house is generally a place where she smokes, the smell probably lingers. That means that anyone hanging out in the house, sitting on furniture, even just being there will pick up that smell.

Bottom line: If you do not want your son in the company of secondhand smoke, do not leave him in her care. Figure out an alternate support system for when you are in a bind. And be sure to thank her for having your back this time as she has in the past. Leave her smoking out of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I cannot believe that the summer is almost over and I have to go back-to-school shopping for my three children. In a perfect world, I would love to have enough money to purchase the clothing my children really want; however, that is not the case for me. Where can I find clothes that are fashionable that I can afford without embarrassing my children in the process? -- Shopping Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SHOPPING MOM: Start by taking inventory of what your children have and what can be used again either by the original owner of the clothing or by a sibling. Hand-me-downs are important wardrobe stretchers, especially for families with multiple children -- when it can work.

Determine exactly what your children need -- underwear, a sweater, shoes, trousers, etc. Be mindful of the difference between wants and needs, and discuss this with them.

Now, start looking online. Figure out which stores are having back-to-school sales and what the percentages are for discounts. Department stores often host deep discounts at this time of year. Consider resale shops, including Goodwill and Salvation Army. They often have great finds at low prices.

When you shop, buy only what is a necessity. Remember: You do not have to make all your purchases right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend in town who is performing at a pub in Greenwich Village. I am excited to support her and had planned on inviting friends to go along with me. Then I saw how much the tickets cost -- more than $100. I went ahead and bought a ticket, but I didn't feel comfortable asking my friends to pay to go to this event. They don't know her, and I could not afford to pay for them. Now, though, I feel a little awkward going by myself. Do you think I should invite my friends and let them decide if they want to pay the hefty price? -- Conflicted, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should give your friends the chance to decide for themselves if they want to go to the concert. If you can find a link to your friend performing to show her in action, by all means share that. Talk her up. Tell them what you like about her and why you have chosen to support her. Let them know that you are going, how much the tickets cost and that you would love it if one or more of them chose to come along.

If you do end up going by yourself, don't fret. You will not be alone. It is likely that the space will be filled with people like you who really want to see the show. Don't think of your experience as being uncomfortable. You know you are in for a treat. Enjoy! You may even make some new friends. And your singer friend will be thrilled that you came out to support her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Doing Way Too Much" has a friend who always makes a scene. Talking rarely works with such people because they don't think they're doing anything wrong. Videotape the tantrum and show them how they're acting. That's MUCH better than talking. -- Wise Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WISE UP: In this day and age when just about every cellphone can make a video, you are surely onto something! Videotaping a scene as it unfolds and then playing it back to the person who created it puts the moment in that person's face. It is likely much more difficult to skirt the issue if you can see for yourself how you behaved.

Of course, some people are so entrenched in their denial that they may be able to explain away bad behavior. But having physical evidence of rudeness or any type of embarrassing behavior on your friend's part can be an effective wake-up call.

Doing this can also create the opportunity to start an honest conversation about your concerns. In this situation, the friends were ready to write off the one with bad behavior. The revealing video might help correct the behavior and eliminate the need to shut out the person.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently proposed to me, and we found out a few days later that I am pregnant (his first, my fourth). I want to be married before the baby is born. I have already been married before, and a big wedding has never been important to me. My fiance, though, is the last in his family to get married, and he and his family want a big wedding. We could plan for this in the spring, but I don't want to be an extremely pregnant bride, and I don't want the hassle of planning a wedding at this point. Still, I want to bring our child into the world as a married couple. Also, my three young children want to be a part of the ceremony. Both of us have very large immediate families, so if this were to be only for them, it would still be more than 100 people. What should we do? -- Engaged and Expecting, Chicago

DEAR ENGAGED AND EXPECTING: Congratulations on both fronts! It is wonderful to be loved and appreciated and to build a family with your partner. It is possible for you to have a big wedding soon. You just have to get creative.

If either of you belongs to a church, start there. Find out what dates are available before the holidays. If the church has a large reception room, you can conceivably have your wedding and reception in that one location. You can decorate the room as you please, save money and plan it quickly.

If there are no weekends available between now and the end of the year, consider a weekday. My husband and I got married on a Tuesday afternoon. It made the cost go down significantly. We let our guests know in plenty of time so they could take the time off to be there.

Beyond a church, consider a community center or even a traditional event facility. I recommend alternative locations first because they tend to be more affordable and potentially available with short notice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Social Drinker" had too many at an office party. Most of us have fallen into the custom of starting an event with an alcoholic drink. While waiting for dinner, we finish the one and perhaps have another. We experience a strong social demand that we start with a drink. For those who drink three or four but should limit themselves to one or two, how about rehearsing, "When I arrive, I will order a soft drink or two first. If I still want a 'drink,' I can order one after the appetizers." Breaking the pattern and delaying the first drink usually helps most people to keep it to one or two and change the inner message from "Alcohol is important" to "Alcohol is just an extra treat." -- Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, Racine, Wis.

DEAR CLINICAL SUBSTANCE ABUSE COUNSELOR: Thank you for your recommendation. It is so true -- people seem to rush for that first drink, often as an icebreaker as they begin their evening. Being mindful of your alcohol consumption is smart. Your suggestion is one way to keep a person aware.