DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently proposed to me, and we found out a few days later that I am pregnant (his first, my fourth). I want to be married before the baby is born. I have already been married before, and a big wedding has never been important to me. My fiance, though, is the last in his family to get married, and he and his family want a big wedding. We could plan for this in the spring, but I don't want to be an extremely pregnant bride, and I don't want the hassle of planning a wedding at this point. Still, I want to bring our child into the world as a married couple. Also, my three young children want to be a part of the ceremony. Both of us have very large immediate families, so if this were to be only for them, it would still be more than 100 people. What should we do? -- Engaged and Expecting, Chicago

DEAR ENGAGED AND EXPECTING: Congratulations on both fronts! It is wonderful to be loved and appreciated and to build a family with your partner. It is possible for you to have a big wedding soon. You just have to get creative.

If either of you belongs to a church, start there. Find out what dates are available before the holidays. If the church has a large reception room, you can conceivably have your wedding and reception in that one location. You can decorate the room as you please, save money and plan it quickly.

If there are no weekends available between now and the end of the year, consider a weekday. My husband and I got married on a Tuesday afternoon. It made the cost go down significantly. We let our guests know in plenty of time so they could take the time off to be there.

Beyond a church, consider a community center or even a traditional event facility. I recommend alternative locations first because they tend to be more affordable and potentially available with short notice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Social Drinker" had too many at an office party. Most of us have fallen into the custom of starting an event with an alcoholic drink. While waiting for dinner, we finish the one and perhaps have another. We experience a strong social demand that we start with a drink. For those who drink three or four but should limit themselves to one or two, how about rehearsing, "When I arrive, I will order a soft drink or two first. If I still want a 'drink,' I can order one after the appetizers." Breaking the pattern and delaying the first drink usually helps most people to keep it to one or two and change the inner message from "Alcohol is important" to "Alcohol is just an extra treat." -- Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, Racine, Wis.

DEAR CLINICAL SUBSTANCE ABUSE COUNSELOR: Thank you for your recommendation. It is so true -- people seem to rush for that first drink, often as an icebreaker as they begin their evening. Being mindful of your alcohol consumption is smart. Your suggestion is one way to keep a person aware.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 11-year-old son had a falling-out with one of his classmates last year just as the school year ended. My husband and I decided to have him walk away from the conflict because it was the end of the year and we thought with cooler heads the tension might dissipate.

Now the summer is over, and school is about to start. My son hasn't brought up the incident at all, but I am a little concerned that the other kid may want to stir the pot again. How can I protect my son without making a problem where there may be none? -- Protective Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Do not bring up the incident. Instead, you can talk to your son about the year and ask him about his plans for success. Talk about what he will be learning. Ask him to describe to you what he looks forward to this year and if there is anything that makes him uncomfortable.

If he is thinking about the incident, he may bring it up; if he does, you can talk about it then. Let him know that it is possible to forgive and move on, even from hurtful incidents. Remind him, too, that the principal, guidance counselor and you are at the ready to support him as needed.

As a parent, you want to prepare your child to negotiate challenging situations. In this case, it is probably best not to focus on a potential negative. Instead, look at the big picture and envision the school year as he would like it. Remind him that not every child shares his vision. When he encounters another student who causes friction, your son can alter his course, respond calmly to the student or seek help, depending upon how the situation escalates.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The best part about this summer is that my family and I were invited to spend the weekend with several friends who have lovely summer homes. We had such a nice time visiting with them. We brought little gifts whenever we visited, and I sent email thank-you notes. (These friends and I communicate mostly via email.) Somehow, though, I feel like I want to do something more. We had a perfect summer, and I want them to know how special they made it for us. Any ideas? -- Grateful, Detroit

DEAR GRATEFUL: It is wonderful that you had such a great time and even better that you want to punctuate your gratitude. Did you take pictures? If you did, you could collect a few shots that document your fun summer and share them with your friends. You could do this individually so that shots featuring only one family at a time are in a collection. Or you can make a photomontage that incorporates the breadth of your fun and send a photo album to everyone with a note expressing your delight about the summer.

Shy of photos, you can send a heartfelt handwritten note via snail mail that reiterates how much you loved spending time with them and wishing them a happy fall.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for about three years now, and I would like our relationship to grow to the next level. My dream is to marry him, but I do not want to ask him why he is taking so long to propose. How do I encourage my boyfriend to ask for my hand in marriage without pressuring him? -- Dream Girl, Chicago

DEAR DREAM GIRL: I believe that good marriages grow out of loving partnerships. I do not think that fulfilling the dream of getting married requires a man-on-his-knees proposal, even though that can seem romantic.

More, a loving, communicative friendship that is respectful and that shares values and dreams is what often turns into a successful marriage. Such a relationship includes talking about the future. Without asking your boyfriend to marry you, you can talk to him about his dreams for the future and share your own. You can talk about marriage and what that might look like in your life. Describe your vision of married life. Ask him what his vision is. By talking about your views of marriage and family life, you can each gauge if it is right for you with each other.

If, after discussion, your boyfriend still does not ask you to marry him, you will have to decide if you want to wait or ask him yourself. Know that many women have asked their boyfriends to get married. There is no shame in that action, either.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a good friend who recently got sober. He had been a pretty heavy drinker for many years, but he got his act together and has been sober for about nine months. Here's my problem: I am hosting a party with a few other friends, and we will be serving alcohol. We want to invite our friend but do not want to set him up for failure. We also don't want to hurt his feelings by not inviting him. There is no way that he will NOT hear about the party. It's a pretty big deal in our town. I really don't know what to do. -- Good Friend, Flint, Mich.

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Reach out to your friend directly and check in with him. Ask him how he is doing, and get a sense of how he is managing his sobriety. You can ask him directly since he told you about his sobriety. Tell him about the party you are planning. Point out that you want to invite him, and you want to be mindful of his sobriety. Ask him if he wants to come. Make it clear that if he does not, you will fully understand.

More than likely, your directness will be appreciated. It may also ignite a conversation where the two of you can speak frankly about his journey. Sometimes people who are sober can manage in the company of others who are drinking. But a warning in Alcoholics Anonymous is about "people, places and things." It could be that he will be better off staying away from triggers that led him to drink in the past. Let him decide.