life

Woman Wants Proposal, but Doesn't Want to Apply Pressure

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 31st, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for about three years now, and I would like our relationship to grow to the next level. My dream is to marry him, but I do not want to ask him why he is taking so long to propose. How do I encourage my boyfriend to ask for my hand in marriage without pressuring him? -- Dream Girl, Chicago

DEAR DREAM GIRL: I believe that good marriages grow out of loving partnerships. I do not think that fulfilling the dream of getting married requires a man-on-his-knees proposal, even though that can seem romantic.

More, a loving, communicative friendship that is respectful and that shares values and dreams is what often turns into a successful marriage. Such a relationship includes talking about the future. Without asking your boyfriend to marry you, you can talk to him about his dreams for the future and share your own. You can talk about marriage and what that might look like in your life. Describe your vision of married life. Ask him what his vision is. By talking about your views of marriage and family life, you can each gauge if it is right for you with each other.

If, after discussion, your boyfriend still does not ask you to marry him, you will have to decide if you want to wait or ask him yourself. Know that many women have asked their boyfriends to get married. There is no shame in that action, either.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a good friend who recently got sober. He had been a pretty heavy drinker for many years, but he got his act together and has been sober for about nine months. Here's my problem: I am hosting a party with a few other friends, and we will be serving alcohol. We want to invite our friend but do not want to set him up for failure. We also don't want to hurt his feelings by not inviting him. There is no way that he will NOT hear about the party. It's a pretty big deal in our town. I really don't know what to do. -- Good Friend, Flint, Mich.

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Reach out to your friend directly and check in with him. Ask him how he is doing, and get a sense of how he is managing his sobriety. You can ask him directly since he told you about his sobriety. Tell him about the party you are planning. Point out that you want to invite him, and you want to be mindful of his sobriety. Ask him if he wants to come. Make it clear that if he does not, you will fully understand.

More than likely, your directness will be appreciated. It may also ignite a conversation where the two of you can speak frankly about his journey. Sometimes people who are sober can manage in the company of others who are drinking. But a warning in Alcoholics Anonymous is about "people, places and things." It could be that he will be better off staying away from triggers that led him to drink in the past. Let him decide.

life

Daughter Sad About Going to Different School Than Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 30th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is starting middle school this year, and she will be going to a different school than all of her good friends. This is because my husband and I got into a huge argument about schools, and he put his foot down about not wanting to send her to the favored school. In order to avoid a complete family meltdown, I acquiesced. But now my daughter is sad all over again as she remembers that she will no longer be in class with her besties. How can I smooth things over for her? -- Mad Mom, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MAD MOM: You made a decision. Now it is time to live by it. Your emotional state regarding the school change will surely affect your daughter, so own your decision and move on. Focus on the new school and the great attributes that it has. Learn all that you can about the school and the extracurricular activities that it offers. Help your daughter figure out where she fits in.

In the meantime, make sure that she stays in touch with her best friends, but not too much in the first weeks. Both sides need to acclimate to their new environment. After they settle into their new schedules, arrange get-togethers where they can check in and continue to nurture their longtime friendships.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was previously married, but my husband and I never talk about it. It seems like it happened a lifetime ago. My ex and I never had children, so it didn't seem to matter. That is, until it came up one day when my family and I met up with one of my old college friends who mentioned my ex. My 12-year-old son overheard the conversation and became upset. I talked to him about my past and shared that it was true, although it happened years ago. He seemed OK. Now I wonder if I was wrong not to mention it before. There just didn't seem to be any reason. What do you think? -- Scratching My Head, Shreveport, La.

DEAR SCRATCHING MY HEAD: My parents taught me that it was their responsibility to share information with their children on a need-to-know basis. Over the years, I learned all kinds of things about both my mother and my father that would not have been appropriate before the moment they were shared.

This is a good gauge for you. You had to clarify with your son after he overheard about your past, and so you did. Had that not occurred, since you have no relationship with your ex and it occurred long ago, there was no real need to tell your son. Similarly, as time goes on, you may discover that experiences that you have had -- both positive and negative -- will be right to share based upon what he is experiencing in his life. Even some of the most extreme situations need to come to the fore when you are facing serious situations where insight is helpful. Trust your instincts. Do not lie. Share when the moment calls for it.

life

Woman Struggles Striking Balance Between Kids and Career

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 29th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother of two beautiful girls who are 6 and 7 years old. I am also an owner of a successful promotions company with multiple clients. At the height of any promotional campaign, I can travel four to six days a week, leaving little time to spend with my girls. I get to travel the United States, and I make a lot of money. I love my girls, but I am almost ashamed to say this: I love the life I have created for myself as a businesswoman. How do I balance the two worlds that I have created? -- Feeling Guilty, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Whenever you are in town, make sure that you build in quality time for your girls. When you are away, schedule time to speak to them each day to review their day. Use new technology to support your experience. You can Skype so that you can see each other as you speak. With the additional income that you are accumulating, be creative. Schedule a vacation with your daughters that everyone will enjoy.

Whenever possible, invite your daughters to come to work with you so that they can see you in action. You can demonstrate to them that it can be rewarding to have your own business. Your example may serve as inspiration when you share it with them.

Finally, know that striking a balance is a lifelong goal. Some days you will give more to work than to your girls, but if you remain conscious of your actions and in touch with them, you will know when you need to scale back and put your full focus on them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 18 months away from obtaining my bachelor's degree in business management, and I plan to go to graduate school to get my master's degree in sports management. However, the university I attend does not have a master's program in sports management, so I will have to find a university that does. I am thinking about this now because I want to make sure I have my transcripts and paperwork in order to make a smooth transition into graduate school. Eighteen months is so close, but it is so far away. Do you think it is too early start thinking about graduate school? -- Staying Ahead of the Game, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR STAYING AHEAD OF THE GAME: It is wise to plan your future. In addition to ensuring that you have your paperwork in order, be proactive by speaking to an adviser at your school about your advanced degree choices. Ask for recommendations for schools that offer the master's degree that you are seeking.

In addition, reach beyond your school and go to professional events hosted by businesses in your area of interest. Do your best to secure an internship at a sports management company so that you can get experience before you get to graduate school. Research and reach out to leaders in the industry who may be able to give you advice on developing your career.

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for March 20, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 19, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 18, 2023
  • Friend Cheaps Out with Dollar Store Gifts
  • Family Game Nights End in Battles
  • Partner Can't Let Go of Resentment of Parents
  • Is My Self-Care Selfish?
  • Transportable Tranquility
  • New Year, New Goal: To Be Happy
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal