life

Woman Struggles Striking Balance Between Kids and Career

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 29th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother of two beautiful girls who are 6 and 7 years old. I am also an owner of a successful promotions company with multiple clients. At the height of any promotional campaign, I can travel four to six days a week, leaving little time to spend with my girls. I get to travel the United States, and I make a lot of money. I love my girls, but I am almost ashamed to say this: I love the life I have created for myself as a businesswoman. How do I balance the two worlds that I have created? -- Feeling Guilty, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Whenever you are in town, make sure that you build in quality time for your girls. When you are away, schedule time to speak to them each day to review their day. Use new technology to support your experience. You can Skype so that you can see each other as you speak. With the additional income that you are accumulating, be creative. Schedule a vacation with your daughters that everyone will enjoy.

Whenever possible, invite your daughters to come to work with you so that they can see you in action. You can demonstrate to them that it can be rewarding to have your own business. Your example may serve as inspiration when you share it with them.

Finally, know that striking a balance is a lifelong goal. Some days you will give more to work than to your girls, but if you remain conscious of your actions and in touch with them, you will know when you need to scale back and put your full focus on them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 18 months away from obtaining my bachelor's degree in business management, and I plan to go to graduate school to get my master's degree in sports management. However, the university I attend does not have a master's program in sports management, so I will have to find a university that does. I am thinking about this now because I want to make sure I have my transcripts and paperwork in order to make a smooth transition into graduate school. Eighteen months is so close, but it is so far away. Do you think it is too early start thinking about graduate school? -- Staying Ahead of the Game, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR STAYING AHEAD OF THE GAME: It is wise to plan your future. In addition to ensuring that you have your paperwork in order, be proactive by speaking to an adviser at your school about your advanced degree choices. Ask for recommendations for schools that offer the master's degree that you are seeking.

In addition, reach beyond your school and go to professional events hosted by businesses in your area of interest. Do your best to secure an internship at a sports management company so that you can get experience before you get to graduate school. Research and reach out to leaders in the industry who may be able to give you advice on developing your career.

life

Let Toxic Friendship Fizzle Out

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 28th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I encounter a certain woman I know, I become sick. I try to have civil conversations with her, but it never works out. We find a way to disagree about everything. I find it disturbing because I can get along with just about anybody I meet. She has invited me to her house for a barbecue. I haven't responded. I guess I don't want to hurt her feelings by not attending, but if I go to her house, I run the risk of being sick. I have painted myself into a corner, and I don't know what to do. -- Why Can't We Be Friends?, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?: Attempting to be a people pleaser does not work. It is impossible to make everybody happy all the time. Clearly there is something about this woman that does not work for you. If you literally become ill when you are in her company, listen to your body and stay away.

Saying you will not be able to attend her barbecue should not be a prescription for hurt feelings. Leading her on and trying to act like you are her friend when you are not is more likely to be hurtful. You do not have to tell her not to call you again, but it would be wise for you to stop calling her. Let the friendship fizzle out. No need to tell her that she makes you sick, either. That would only hurt her feelings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother's good friend just had two hip replacements. She did well with the first one -- she followed the doctor's directions and healed well. The second time, though, she seems sad and unmotivated. My mother told me that she sits around a lot and doesn't do her exercises. My mother, who is in her mid-80s with her own health concerns, is a real go-getter. She doesn't give up for anything. She can't figure out what to do to help her friend do the right thing. I'm worried that my mother is going to get too stressed out trying to help out her friend. -- SOS, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SOS: My research shows that it is not uncommon for people who have had hip replacement surgery to experience depression. For many people it does not last, but when in a state of depression it can be terribly difficult for the person suffering and his/her loved ones. Suggest to your mother that she recommend that her friend visit her doctor and describe what's going on. Maybe your mother could even take her to the doctor. Your mother's friend may need to see a therapist or even take medication for depression to help her through this tough period.

Your mother, as a caretaker of some measure for her friend, needs to take care of herself, too. Encourage your mother to go out and do things independent of this friend. Suggest that she pamper herself in some way on a weekly basis. Regularly check in with her to gauge her state of mind. Invite her to spend time with you, perhaps even a mini-vacation that will ease her emotional burden.

life

Caring Neighbor Doesn't Want to Overshare

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 27th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my neighbors is gravely ill and hospitalized. I learned this when I ran into his wife the other day. I have stayed in touch and offered to help in any way that I can. I think that this should include NOT talking about his illness with other people. I know I wouldn't want people in my business if I were in the hospital. That said, I'm not sure what to say if people ask about him. Others know that we are friends, and I am not sure how to handle inquiries. I don't think it would be helpful to send them to his wife because she is dealing with his illness. What do I do? -- Sensitive Neighbor, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE NEIGHBOR: This is when you should check in with your friend. When you speak to her next, ask her what, if anything, she wants you to say to others who may ask about her husband. Let her guide you on this.

In general, you are correct in thinking that you should not talk about your neighbor's illness including whatever reports his wife is giving you. Being a sounding board for her is likely helpful. Keeping whatever she tells you in confidence is essential for her to feel safe sharing with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I had to let a business partner of mine go because he was not handling his responsibilities. I am not good at firing people, so I didn't handle it well. I asked my partner to stay on board with a limited role in the company. My partner did not like the new offer, so he decided to launch his own business venture. I made the mistake of not getting all of the usernames and passwords to our websites from my former partner before he left, and now I am unable to reach him. What should I do while I am trying to locate my former business partner? -- Loose Ends, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR LOOSE ENDS: Contact the host companies for your websites immediately, and work with them to change all of your passwords. You should not need your former business partner to do that. If it turns out that you are not listed as an authorized host, you may need to prove that you own the business and the sites. It could be a bit of a challenge to navigate, but you can do it.

You recognize the importance of having all of your security information in your possession. Now that there are so many password-protected resources, it is essential for that information to be held in a safe place. When passwords change, that information should be stored in a safe place as well.

To protect your company, you must change all passwords so that your former partner has no access to any of your accounts. Change all Internet passwords regularly -- hackers are known to get into all kinds of accounts. Safeguard yourself from as much exposure as you can.

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