DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I encounter a certain woman I know, I become sick. I try to have civil conversations with her, but it never works out. We find a way to disagree about everything. I find it disturbing because I can get along with just about anybody I meet. She has invited me to her house for a barbecue. I haven't responded. I guess I don't want to hurt her feelings by not attending, but if I go to her house, I run the risk of being sick. I have painted myself into a corner, and I don't know what to do. -- Why Can't We Be Friends?, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?: Attempting to be a people pleaser does not work. It is impossible to make everybody happy all the time. Clearly there is something about this woman that does not work for you. If you literally become ill when you are in her company, listen to your body and stay away.

Saying you will not be able to attend her barbecue should not be a prescription for hurt feelings. Leading her on and trying to act like you are her friend when you are not is more likely to be hurtful. You do not have to tell her not to call you again, but it would be wise for you to stop calling her. Let the friendship fizzle out. No need to tell her that she makes you sick, either. That would only hurt her feelings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother's good friend just had two hip replacements. She did well with the first one -- she followed the doctor's directions and healed well. The second time, though, she seems sad and unmotivated. My mother told me that she sits around a lot and doesn't do her exercises. My mother, who is in her mid-80s with her own health concerns, is a real go-getter. She doesn't give up for anything. She can't figure out what to do to help her friend do the right thing. I'm worried that my mother is going to get too stressed out trying to help out her friend. -- SOS, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SOS: My research shows that it is not uncommon for people who have had hip replacement surgery to experience depression. For many people it does not last, but when in a state of depression it can be terribly difficult for the person suffering and his/her loved ones. Suggest to your mother that she recommend that her friend visit her doctor and describe what's going on. Maybe your mother could even take her to the doctor. Your mother's friend may need to see a therapist or even take medication for depression to help her through this tough period.

Your mother, as a caretaker of some measure for her friend, needs to take care of herself, too. Encourage your mother to go out and do things independent of this friend. Suggest that she pamper herself in some way on a weekly basis. Regularly check in with her to gauge her state of mind. Invite her to spend time with you, perhaps even a mini-vacation that will ease her emotional burden.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my neighbors is gravely ill and hospitalized. I learned this when I ran into his wife the other day. I have stayed in touch and offered to help in any way that I can. I think that this should include NOT talking about his illness with other people. I know I wouldn't want people in my business if I were in the hospital. That said, I'm not sure what to say if people ask about him. Others know that we are friends, and I am not sure how to handle inquiries. I don't think it would be helpful to send them to his wife because she is dealing with his illness. What do I do? -- Sensitive Neighbor, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE NEIGHBOR: This is when you should check in with your friend. When you speak to her next, ask her what, if anything, she wants you to say to others who may ask about her husband. Let her guide you on this.

In general, you are correct in thinking that you should not talk about your neighbor's illness including whatever reports his wife is giving you. Being a sounding board for her is likely helpful. Keeping whatever she tells you in confidence is essential for her to feel safe sharing with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I had to let a business partner of mine go because he was not handling his responsibilities. I am not good at firing people, so I didn't handle it well. I asked my partner to stay on board with a limited role in the company. My partner did not like the new offer, so he decided to launch his own business venture. I made the mistake of not getting all of the usernames and passwords to our websites from my former partner before he left, and now I am unable to reach him. What should I do while I am trying to locate my former business partner? -- Loose Ends, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR LOOSE ENDS: Contact the host companies for your websites immediately, and work with them to change all of your passwords. You should not need your former business partner to do that. If it turns out that you are not listed as an authorized host, you may need to prove that you own the business and the sites. It could be a bit of a challenge to navigate, but you can do it.

You recognize the importance of having all of your security information in your possession. Now that there are so many password-protected resources, it is essential for that information to be held in a safe place. When passwords change, that information should be stored in a safe place as well.

To protect your company, you must change all passwords so that your former partner has no access to any of your accounts. Change all Internet passwords regularly -- hackers are known to get into all kinds of accounts. Safeguard yourself from as much exposure as you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I ran into a woman I grew up with. We hugged and shared pleasantries, but after a few minutes, I felt like I was transported back to childhood. She was mean to me when we were young. She always had some snarky thing to say that hurt my feelings, and when I saw her, she caught me off guard and did it again. When I realized that it was happening, I excused myself. She really got under my skin. Should I say anything to her or just leave it alone? -- Undone, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UNDONE: Unless you intend to kindle a friendship with this woman from your childhood, do not double back to her. If she is behaving the same way she did when you were children, chances are she isn't going to wake up, take notice of her ways and decide to change because you mention it.

The lesson for you for the future is to stop a negative conversation when it is happening. Excusing yourself and walking away does not actually do much, as you experienced, because the woman likely had no clue as to why you walked away, and you remain stung by her comments. Instead, you can interrupt a negative conversation and say, "I don't appreciate where this conversation is heading," "Please do not speak to me in that way" or "It is hard for me to hear what you are saying when you speak to me in that manner." Or find the words that best identify what you find distasteful and ask the person to stop doing it. This may seem difficult to do, but it is far more fulfilling to address these things in the moment.

There is a lot of discussion about the effects of bullying on one's psyche. Mean, negative talk is a form of bullying. The next time anyone speaks to you in a rude or disrespectful manner, find a way to address it as it is happening. Raising awareness about inappropriate communication is worthwhile.

DEAR HARRIETTE: We've had quite the heat wave this summer, and wearing pants in the office can be suffocating for my legs. Is there any way to make shorts look professional in the workplace? -- Overheated, Philadelphia

DEAR OVERHEATED: In most offices, shorts would be considered too casual. That said, there are shorts suits that have been designed with fitted jackets that may work in a casual office. Also, Bermuda shorts, which reach the knee, may work with a dress shirt. Making shorts look professional requires looking at the whole outfit to see if the other elements are professional. Wearing dress shoes with them will help balance the look as well.

It really depends upon your place of business, though. Because many companies allow jeans and casual dress on a regular basis, there are some offices that will not frown on shorts. Ask your supervisor before you stroll in wearing them!