DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my neighbors is gravely ill and hospitalized. I learned this when I ran into his wife the other day. I have stayed in touch and offered to help in any way that I can. I think that this should include NOT talking about his illness with other people. I know I wouldn't want people in my business if I were in the hospital. That said, I'm not sure what to say if people ask about him. Others know that we are friends, and I am not sure how to handle inquiries. I don't think it would be helpful to send them to his wife because she is dealing with his illness. What do I do? -- Sensitive Neighbor, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE NEIGHBOR: This is when you should check in with your friend. When you speak to her next, ask her what, if anything, she wants you to say to others who may ask about her husband. Let her guide you on this.

In general, you are correct in thinking that you should not talk about your neighbor's illness including whatever reports his wife is giving you. Being a sounding board for her is likely helpful. Keeping whatever she tells you in confidence is essential for her to feel safe sharing with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I had to let a business partner of mine go because he was not handling his responsibilities. I am not good at firing people, so I didn't handle it well. I asked my partner to stay on board with a limited role in the company. My partner did not like the new offer, so he decided to launch his own business venture. I made the mistake of not getting all of the usernames and passwords to our websites from my former partner before he left, and now I am unable to reach him. What should I do while I am trying to locate my former business partner? -- Loose Ends, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR LOOSE ENDS: Contact the host companies for your websites immediately, and work with them to change all of your passwords. You should not need your former business partner to do that. If it turns out that you are not listed as an authorized host, you may need to prove that you own the business and the sites. It could be a bit of a challenge to navigate, but you can do it.

You recognize the importance of having all of your security information in your possession. Now that there are so many password-protected resources, it is essential for that information to be held in a safe place. When passwords change, that information should be stored in a safe place as well.

To protect your company, you must change all passwords so that your former partner has no access to any of your accounts. Change all Internet passwords regularly -- hackers are known to get into all kinds of accounts. Safeguard yourself from as much exposure as you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I ran into a woman I grew up with. We hugged and shared pleasantries, but after a few minutes, I felt like I was transported back to childhood. She was mean to me when we were young. She always had some snarky thing to say that hurt my feelings, and when I saw her, she caught me off guard and did it again. When I realized that it was happening, I excused myself. She really got under my skin. Should I say anything to her or just leave it alone? -- Undone, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UNDONE: Unless you intend to kindle a friendship with this woman from your childhood, do not double back to her. If she is behaving the same way she did when you were children, chances are she isn't going to wake up, take notice of her ways and decide to change because you mention it.

The lesson for you for the future is to stop a negative conversation when it is happening. Excusing yourself and walking away does not actually do much, as you experienced, because the woman likely had no clue as to why you walked away, and you remain stung by her comments. Instead, you can interrupt a negative conversation and say, "I don't appreciate where this conversation is heading," "Please do not speak to me in that way" or "It is hard for me to hear what you are saying when you speak to me in that manner." Or find the words that best identify what you find distasteful and ask the person to stop doing it. This may seem difficult to do, but it is far more fulfilling to address these things in the moment.

There is a lot of discussion about the effects of bullying on one's psyche. Mean, negative talk is a form of bullying. The next time anyone speaks to you in a rude or disrespectful manner, find a way to address it as it is happening. Raising awareness about inappropriate communication is worthwhile.

DEAR HARRIETTE: We've had quite the heat wave this summer, and wearing pants in the office can be suffocating for my legs. Is there any way to make shorts look professional in the workplace? -- Overheated, Philadelphia

DEAR OVERHEATED: In most offices, shorts would be considered too casual. That said, there are shorts suits that have been designed with fitted jackets that may work in a casual office. Also, Bermuda shorts, which reach the knee, may work with a dress shirt. Making shorts look professional requires looking at the whole outfit to see if the other elements are professional. Wearing dress shoes with them will help balance the look as well.

It really depends upon your place of business, though. Because many companies allow jeans and casual dress on a regular basis, there are some offices that will not frown on shorts. Ask your supervisor before you stroll in wearing them!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I helped a friend get a lot of attention for a project she just completed. Everything turned out really well for her, but in the end I felt used. She got everything that she wanted out of my helping her, but I felt unappreciated. At the very end, she said thank you, and I think she meant it, but it seemed like an afterthought. This friend is often self-absorbed, which I already knew, but I guess since I went all out for her, I thought that she would be more thoughtful. -- Dumb Me, Boston

DEAR DUMB ME: What did you want the outcome to be for you? A general desire for appreciation may not be so easily translatable. If you tend to be the generous one, your friend may know you as being the nice one and think nothing of it. That doesn't automatically mean that she is selfish as it relates to you. More, it may mean that you do not generally let others know what your needs are. To expect others to treat you as you want to be treated when you do not clue them in as to what makes you happy is a recipe for hurt feelings. You have to educate your friends about your needs and desires.

The lesson here is for you to learn to take care of yourself by speaking up. Your selfish friend will probably be shocked to know that she hurt your feelings. No need to tell her. Next time just be clear about what outcome you want for yourself as you are supporting others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned that one of my friends has guns at his house. Apparently he has gun permits and he has them locked up and stored, but it kind of freaked me out that he has them. We both have young children, and now I don't know if I should allow my child to go over his house. We haven't had talks about guns and how to be around them because my son is just 8 years old. I am not sure how to handle this. My friend seems cautious, but I have heard too many stories about children accidentally shooting guns and hurting or killing themselves or others. What should I do? -- Gun Shy, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GUN SHY: Talk directly to your friend. Tell him your concerns. Ask him about his guns -- where and how he stores them, how he keeps his children safe while having guns in the house, etc. Ask him as many questions as you need in order to gauge your comfort.

Know that if someone properly stores guns, the family, including young children, can be completely safe. That said, if you remain worried about your son's safety, you can choose not to send him over to your friend's house, at least not without you. You have the right to make that decision.

By the way, whatever decision you make is perfect for your family. Yes, there is a huge discussion underway about guns and gun safety in our country. In the end, you have to make choices that you feel comfortable with for your family.