DEAR HARRIETTE: I was on vacation with my family recently, and we ended up going out to eat with a few other families over the course of the two weeks we were away. Somehow, my family ended up footing the bill more than the others. It wasn't the plan, but it happened. I just looked at my credit card bill and was astonished to see the hefty amount we had charged. I know there's nothing we can do about it now. It would be crazy to call around asking people to cough up extra dough, but I am curious -- how can I avoid this situation in the future? -- Broke, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BROKE: It is true that in the frenzy of the moment, your generosity can get the best of you. I recommend making a budget before you head out on your vacation. You can map it out per day if you like, so that you know exactly what you intend to spend. It is also wise to use cash. If you pay cash for your meals, you can avoid putting down a card for the group. You can review the bill and contribute your family's portion plus tip or divide it equally, whichever your group decides.

It is unlikely that your other friends meant to have you assume the lion's share of the meal expenses. For most people, these things just happen, and it is only later that they realize that the sharing was not equitable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When we started packing for our summer vacation, I noticed that my 10-year-old was packing 10 stuffed animals. I thought that was excessive -- we were flying and had limited room for extra items. When I told her no, she began crying and told me she really wanted to bring them. At first I put my foot down and wouldn't budge, but then I realized that my normally confident daughter seemed really attached to these things. So I let her bring them. How do you know when to remain firm and when to give in to your child's odd requests? -- Confused, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: That is a great question that has no simple answer other than that you should always pay close attention to your child. Instead of the kneejerk "no" that comes out of many parents' mouths when a child wants to do something that they consider unreasonable, listen instead. Survey the moment. Ask yourself why, as in this case, the stuffed animals are so important. Perhaps there is some trepidation about going away, and the toys provide a comfort connection.

One way I have discovered that you can avoid the showdown is to believe that your child has a good reason for whatever quirky request she or he may have. If you approach your child with respect and ask why this thing is so important, you may receive a rational, unemotional answer. Then you can respond evenly and decide whether to allow whatever the request is without argument.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in college, and I recently came out as gay. In high school I dated a few girls, some more seriously than others. I'm not on good terms with those girls as it is, but I was wondering if I'm obligated to tell them I'm gay. I don't want to cause any drama if they find out through other people, but I'm not sure if it is any of their business. What do you think? -- Out, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR OUT: You have no obligation to go back to previous girlfriends to tell them that you are gay.

Beyond obligation is being thoughtful. You say you are not on good terms with any of these girls, which means you weren't likely planning to stay in touch with them. If you think any of your serious relationships soured because you were gay and didn't realize it or you were hiding it, it would be kind to go back to those girls to express your regret that the relationship did not work for this reason. If you knew you were gay and grappling with it, say as much. If you did not realize it until now, say that. Essentially, tell the truth to whomever you believe deserves to hear it. In this way, you are in control of how the information is revealed to people who have impacted your life rather than having it spread via other voices. It is your choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of years ago, I dated a guy whose mother didn't like me very much. I found out that even after we broke up she was saying rude things about me behind my back to my ex's sister, who in turn told one of my friends -- that's how it got back to me. I saw her at an event recently and didn't know what to do. In a situation like that, is it best to say hello and take the high road or just leave her alone? -- Snubbed, Atlanta

DEAR SNUBBED: It is curious that this mother continues to talk badly about you. Who knows what her agenda is? You have no reason to get entangled in it unless you feel that she is damaging your reputation. Speaking curtly and moving on would be fine. No need to be warm, knowing that she is being rude.

If you believe that she is actively attempting to malign your name, you may consider reaching out to her and proactively letting her know that you do not appreciate her comments. You could tell her that her comments have gotten back to you, and if she is actually saying these things -- which you should be prepared to enumerate -- you should ask her to stop. Remind her that you are no longer in a relationship with her son. You would appreciate her closing the door on comments about you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is getting married, but I do not think that he is ready. My friend is 15 years younger than his fiancee. He is 31, and his fiancee is 46 years old. They have been dating for a year now, and they set a wedding date for this fall. I am excited for them, but I am concerned about the age difference. My friend's parents are going help pay for the wedding while his fiancee continues her college education. How do I support my friend's decision to get married even thought I don't think he is ready? -- Dearly Beloved, Newark, N.J.

DEAR DEARLY BELOVED: It is not your place to judge whether your friend is ready to get married. While age difference can be a challenge for some couples, it is not a given. Also, getting engaged a year after dating is a common amount of time.

I understand that you are concerned for your friend. I recommend that you spend time with the two of them and get to know his fiancee. Be supportive of their relationship. Look for the good in it and celebrate that. If you discover legitimate doubts about their compatibility -- such as abusive language or behavior -- then you can express your concerns IF ASKED. Otherwise, let them live their lives. I say this because usually people are unable to hear criticism when it is unsolicited. Don't meddle in their affairs. Perhaps they will have a happy, life-long marriage. It is their life, not yours.

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the blessing of my husband, we opened our house to a female friend of mine, and she has been staying with us for the past three months. I am happy she is staying with us because she helps me watch my two children while I work, and the added bonus is that my husband and I are able have date night on a regular basis without paying for a baby sitter.

My friend asked if she can have next weekend off because she is planning to go out of town. There's a conflict because my husband and I have plans that same weekend, and it's too late find a baby sitter. Our plans were made around my friend being home to watch our children. Because my friend is staying with us, do you think I am taking advantage of her? -- Open House, South Orange, N.J.

DEAR OPEN HOUSE: The big question is whether you made a clear agreement with your friend that in exchange for living with you, she would provide these services. If so, you are not taking advantage of her -- you were clear in your communication about what the terms of her stay would be. Still, it makes sense that she would sometimes want to take time off.

Talk to her about the upcoming conflict. Perhaps she can delay her trip a week. If not, do whatever you would normally do for child care before she came. Talk through the terms of her stay moving forward -- how long does she plan to be there, what her duties will be, etc. Clarity helps resolve conflicts quickly.