DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in college, and I recently came out as gay. In high school I dated a few girls, some more seriously than others. I'm not on good terms with those girls as it is, but I was wondering if I'm obligated to tell them I'm gay. I don't want to cause any drama if they find out through other people, but I'm not sure if it is any of their business. What do you think? -- Out, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR OUT: You have no obligation to go back to previous girlfriends to tell them that you are gay.

Beyond obligation is being thoughtful. You say you are not on good terms with any of these girls, which means you weren't likely planning to stay in touch with them. If you think any of your serious relationships soured because you were gay and didn't realize it or you were hiding it, it would be kind to go back to those girls to express your regret that the relationship did not work for this reason. If you knew you were gay and grappling with it, say as much. If you did not realize it until now, say that. Essentially, tell the truth to whomever you believe deserves to hear it. In this way, you are in control of how the information is revealed to people who have impacted your life rather than having it spread via other voices. It is your choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of years ago, I dated a guy whose mother didn't like me very much. I found out that even after we broke up she was saying rude things about me behind my back to my ex's sister, who in turn told one of my friends -- that's how it got back to me. I saw her at an event recently and didn't know what to do. In a situation like that, is it best to say hello and take the high road or just leave her alone? -- Snubbed, Atlanta

DEAR SNUBBED: It is curious that this mother continues to talk badly about you. Who knows what her agenda is? You have no reason to get entangled in it unless you feel that she is damaging your reputation. Speaking curtly and moving on would be fine. No need to be warm, knowing that she is being rude.

If you believe that she is actively attempting to malign your name, you may consider reaching out to her and proactively letting her know that you do not appreciate her comments. You could tell her that her comments have gotten back to you, and if she is actually saying these things -- which you should be prepared to enumerate -- you should ask her to stop. Remind her that you are no longer in a relationship with her son. You would appreciate her closing the door on comments about you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is getting married, but I do not think that he is ready. My friend is 15 years younger than his fiancee. He is 31, and his fiancee is 46 years old. They have been dating for a year now, and they set a wedding date for this fall. I am excited for them, but I am concerned about the age difference. My friend's parents are going help pay for the wedding while his fiancee continues her college education. How do I support my friend's decision to get married even thought I don't think he is ready? -- Dearly Beloved, Newark, N.J.

DEAR DEARLY BELOVED: It is not your place to judge whether your friend is ready to get married. While age difference can be a challenge for some couples, it is not a given. Also, getting engaged a year after dating is a common amount of time.

I understand that you are concerned for your friend. I recommend that you spend time with the two of them and get to know his fiancee. Be supportive of their relationship. Look for the good in it and celebrate that. If you discover legitimate doubts about their compatibility -- such as abusive language or behavior -- then you can express your concerns IF ASKED. Otherwise, let them live their lives. I say this because usually people are unable to hear criticism when it is unsolicited. Don't meddle in their affairs. Perhaps they will have a happy, life-long marriage. It is their life, not yours.

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the blessing of my husband, we opened our house to a female friend of mine, and she has been staying with us for the past three months. I am happy she is staying with us because she helps me watch my two children while I work, and the added bonus is that my husband and I are able have date night on a regular basis without paying for a baby sitter.

My friend asked if she can have next weekend off because she is planning to go out of town. There's a conflict because my husband and I have plans that same weekend, and it's too late find a baby sitter. Our plans were made around my friend being home to watch our children. Because my friend is staying with us, do you think I am taking advantage of her? -- Open House, South Orange, N.J.

DEAR OPEN HOUSE: The big question is whether you made a clear agreement with your friend that in exchange for living with you, she would provide these services. If so, you are not taking advantage of her -- you were clear in your communication about what the terms of her stay would be. Still, it makes sense that she would sometimes want to take time off.

Talk to her about the upcoming conflict. Perhaps she can delay her trip a week. If not, do whatever you would normally do for child care before she came. Talk through the terms of her stay moving forward -- how long does she plan to be there, what her duties will be, etc. Clarity helps resolve conflicts quickly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who makes a scene every time we go out. For example, last night we had a production meeting, and afterward we decided to go to a local restaurant to grab something to eat. We sat at our table and ordered drinks; when it was time to pay for our meal, there was an issue about if we should pay taxes on alcoholic beverages. In disgust, my friend spoke to the manager about being taxed for purchasing an alcoholic beverage, and the manager informed us that only alcoholic beverages purchased from the bar were tax exempt. My friend was not happy with the manager's answer, and she made a huge scene. How can I convince my friend to not sweat the small stuff in life? -- Doing Way Too Much, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR DOING WAY TOO MUCH: Pick a time to talk to your friend when neither of you has been drinking. Being sober is important, especially when you want to convey an important message. Tell your friend that she embarrassed you and your other friends at the restaurant and explain why. Be clear that it is not that she questioned whether you should pay tax -- that is a legitimate question. It is how she handled herself and how she responded after receiving an answer that you did not like. Tell your friend that nobody appreciated the way she behaved.

She will likely become defensive, but if you feel strongly about this, you should continue the conversation. You may want to give her other examples of times when she made a scene that embarrassed you and others. She needs to see what you are talking about in order to have a chance of recognizing her behavior and accepting that it needs to change. Ultimately, you may want to exclude her from some of your social gatherings. If she asks you why, you can tell her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My manager pulled me into her office to talk about my recent behavior at our annual summer fundraiser party. She had told me that we were allowed to drink wine at the party and to be responsible; I drank a little too much, resulting in behavior that was detrimental to the company. I almost lost my job, and I would like to know how not to embarrass myself at the next company function. -- Social Drinker, Chicago

DEAR SOCIAL DRINKER: The simple answer: don't drink. If you know that you can, at least sometimes, not manage your alcohol consumption, don't chance it by drinking at a work event. While these activities are designed to be casual and fun, too many people cross the line of sobriety and end up regretting their behavior. Err on the side of caution, and just don't do it.