DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is getting married, but I do not think that he is ready. My friend is 15 years younger than his fiancee. He is 31, and his fiancee is 46 years old. They have been dating for a year now, and they set a wedding date for this fall. I am excited for them, but I am concerned about the age difference. My friend's parents are going help pay for the wedding while his fiancee continues her college education. How do I support my friend's decision to get married even thought I don't think he is ready? -- Dearly Beloved, Newark, N.J.

DEAR DEARLY BELOVED: It is not your place to judge whether your friend is ready to get married. While age difference can be a challenge for some couples, it is not a given. Also, getting engaged a year after dating is a common amount of time.

I understand that you are concerned for your friend. I recommend that you spend time with the two of them and get to know his fiancee. Be supportive of their relationship. Look for the good in it and celebrate that. If you discover legitimate doubts about their compatibility -- such as abusive language or behavior -- then you can express your concerns IF ASKED. Otherwise, let them live their lives. I say this because usually people are unable to hear criticism when it is unsolicited. Don't meddle in their affairs. Perhaps they will have a happy, life-long marriage. It is their life, not yours.

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the blessing of my husband, we opened our house to a female friend of mine, and she has been staying with us for the past three months. I am happy she is staying with us because she helps me watch my two children while I work, and the added bonus is that my husband and I are able have date night on a regular basis without paying for a baby sitter.

My friend asked if she can have next weekend off because she is planning to go out of town. There's a conflict because my husband and I have plans that same weekend, and it's too late find a baby sitter. Our plans were made around my friend being home to watch our children. Because my friend is staying with us, do you think I am taking advantage of her? -- Open House, South Orange, N.J.

DEAR OPEN HOUSE: The big question is whether you made a clear agreement with your friend that in exchange for living with you, she would provide these services. If so, you are not taking advantage of her -- you were clear in your communication about what the terms of her stay would be. Still, it makes sense that she would sometimes want to take time off.

Talk to her about the upcoming conflict. Perhaps she can delay her trip a week. If not, do whatever you would normally do for child care before she came. Talk through the terms of her stay moving forward -- how long does she plan to be there, what her duties will be, etc. Clarity helps resolve conflicts quickly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who makes a scene every time we go out. For example, last night we had a production meeting, and afterward we decided to go to a local restaurant to grab something to eat. We sat at our table and ordered drinks; when it was time to pay for our meal, there was an issue about if we should pay taxes on alcoholic beverages. In disgust, my friend spoke to the manager about being taxed for purchasing an alcoholic beverage, and the manager informed us that only alcoholic beverages purchased from the bar were tax exempt. My friend was not happy with the manager's answer, and she made a huge scene. How can I convince my friend to not sweat the small stuff in life? -- Doing Way Too Much, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR DOING WAY TOO MUCH: Pick a time to talk to your friend when neither of you has been drinking. Being sober is important, especially when you want to convey an important message. Tell your friend that she embarrassed you and your other friends at the restaurant and explain why. Be clear that it is not that she questioned whether you should pay tax -- that is a legitimate question. It is how she handled herself and how she responded after receiving an answer that you did not like. Tell your friend that nobody appreciated the way she behaved.

She will likely become defensive, but if you feel strongly about this, you should continue the conversation. You may want to give her other examples of times when she made a scene that embarrassed you and others. She needs to see what you are talking about in order to have a chance of recognizing her behavior and accepting that it needs to change. Ultimately, you may want to exclude her from some of your social gatherings. If she asks you why, you can tell her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My manager pulled me into her office to talk about my recent behavior at our annual summer fundraiser party. She had told me that we were allowed to drink wine at the party and to be responsible; I drank a little too much, resulting in behavior that was detrimental to the company. I almost lost my job, and I would like to know how not to embarrass myself at the next company function. -- Social Drinker, Chicago

DEAR SOCIAL DRINKER: The simple answer: don't drink. If you know that you can, at least sometimes, not manage your alcohol consumption, don't chance it by drinking at a work event. While these activities are designed to be casual and fun, too many people cross the line of sobriety and end up regretting their behavior. Err on the side of caution, and just don't do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am starting my second year of college. I have been talking to my future roommate, and I've enjoyed our conversations thus far. However, I found out that she has living habits that I am not completely fond of. She stays up really late, and she likes to throw parties. I don't think that is going to be very good when we actually do room together. What should I do? -- Skittish Roommate, Philadelphia

DEAR SKITTISH ROOMMATE: Part of the beauty of being able to talk in advance of school starting is that you and your roommate are getting to know each other. Feel confident about sharing who you are with your roommate. Speak up and tell her that you value your studies a lot and think that you two will probably need to compromise on some of the activities that occur in your room during the school year.

As far as her staying up late, tell her you go to bed early and that you hope you two can figure out how to keep the sound down so that it works for both of you. Party time needs to be on the weekend, and not every weekend. Tell her you would like to participate in the planning of having multiple guests over. In general, describe to her how you live and what your hope your dorm experience will be like. Then negotiate with each other. This negotiation, by the way, will last for the duration of your stay together. It is a fluid experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It was a long-distance relationship, and I didn't see him often. But his sister and some of his other family members still live in my city. I have gotten very close to them, and they say they consider me a family member. When we broke up I was afraid that I wouldn't have the same relationship that I had with his family. I called his sister and she still feels the same way. How can I deal with this change? -- Bridging the Divide, San Francisco

DEAR BRIDGING THE DIVIDE: Welcome to the reality of long-term dating and breakups. It is natural that you became close to your ex's family. The natural progression of a committed relationship is that both partners become close to both families. When people marry, it is extremely helpful for the families to be bonded.

The challenge when you break up is that those ties are often still binding. In this case, you are still fresh out of your relationship. Yes, you can remain friendly with his family. No, you should not talk to them about the breakup or any intimacies between you and your ex. But over time, if both you and his family members continue to want to be in communication with each other, you can. I would add that out of respect for your ex, you should let him know that you continue to be in touch with them.