DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who makes a scene every time we go out. For example, last night we had a production meeting, and afterward we decided to go to a local restaurant to grab something to eat. We sat at our table and ordered drinks; when it was time to pay for our meal, there was an issue about if we should pay taxes on alcoholic beverages. In disgust, my friend spoke to the manager about being taxed for purchasing an alcoholic beverage, and the manager informed us that only alcoholic beverages purchased from the bar were tax exempt. My friend was not happy with the manager's answer, and she made a huge scene. How can I convince my friend to not sweat the small stuff in life? -- Doing Way Too Much, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR DOING WAY TOO MUCH: Pick a time to talk to your friend when neither of you has been drinking. Being sober is important, especially when you want to convey an important message. Tell your friend that she embarrassed you and your other friends at the restaurant and explain why. Be clear that it is not that she questioned whether you should pay tax -- that is a legitimate question. It is how she handled herself and how she responded after receiving an answer that you did not like. Tell your friend that nobody appreciated the way she behaved.

She will likely become defensive, but if you feel strongly about this, you should continue the conversation. You may want to give her other examples of times when she made a scene that embarrassed you and others. She needs to see what you are talking about in order to have a chance of recognizing her behavior and accepting that it needs to change. Ultimately, you may want to exclude her from some of your social gatherings. If she asks you why, you can tell her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My manager pulled me into her office to talk about my recent behavior at our annual summer fundraiser party. She had told me that we were allowed to drink wine at the party and to be responsible; I drank a little too much, resulting in behavior that was detrimental to the company. I almost lost my job, and I would like to know how not to embarrass myself at the next company function. -- Social Drinker, Chicago

DEAR SOCIAL DRINKER: The simple answer: don't drink. If you know that you can, at least sometimes, not manage your alcohol consumption, don't chance it by drinking at a work event. While these activities are designed to be casual and fun, too many people cross the line of sobriety and end up regretting their behavior. Err on the side of caution, and just don't do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am starting my second year of college. I have been talking to my future roommate, and I've enjoyed our conversations thus far. However, I found out that she has living habits that I am not completely fond of. She stays up really late, and she likes to throw parties. I don't think that is going to be very good when we actually do room together. What should I do? -- Skittish Roommate, Philadelphia

DEAR SKITTISH ROOMMATE: Part of the beauty of being able to talk in advance of school starting is that you and your roommate are getting to know each other. Feel confident about sharing who you are with your roommate. Speak up and tell her that you value your studies a lot and think that you two will probably need to compromise on some of the activities that occur in your room during the school year.

As far as her staying up late, tell her you go to bed early and that you hope you two can figure out how to keep the sound down so that it works for both of you. Party time needs to be on the weekend, and not every weekend. Tell her you would like to participate in the planning of having multiple guests over. In general, describe to her how you live and what your hope your dorm experience will be like. Then negotiate with each other. This negotiation, by the way, will last for the duration of your stay together. It is a fluid experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It was a long-distance relationship, and I didn't see him often. But his sister and some of his other family members still live in my city. I have gotten very close to them, and they say they consider me a family member. When we broke up I was afraid that I wouldn't have the same relationship that I had with his family. I called his sister and she still feels the same way. How can I deal with this change? -- Bridging the Divide, San Francisco

DEAR BRIDGING THE DIVIDE: Welcome to the reality of long-term dating and breakups. It is natural that you became close to your ex's family. The natural progression of a committed relationship is that both partners become close to both families. When people marry, it is extremely helpful for the families to be bonded.

The challenge when you break up is that those ties are often still binding. In this case, you are still fresh out of your relationship. Yes, you can remain friendly with his family. No, you should not talk to them about the breakup or any intimacies between you and your ex. But over time, if both you and his family members continue to want to be in communication with each other, you can. I would add that out of respect for your ex, you should let him know that you continue to be in touch with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been talking to this guy every day for a while. I really like him. He seems nice, and it's cool that he likes to talk to me on the phone a lot -- a lot of guys only like to text with their dates. We've gone out multiple times, and that has been fun, too. He has always paid for our dates.

This week he sent me a picture of his private area. I didn't ask him for it. I think that he wants a picture from me. How do I tell him that I'm not comfortable with that and not to send pictures to me? -- Grossed Out, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Be direct when you talk to him. Do not use a text message to speak to him. Wait until you are face-to-face. Tell him that you found the picture offensive. Yes, you like him, but you are not in a sexual relationship, plus you would not want him to text you sexual pictures even if you were. Point out that you know a lot of people do this sexting thing with pictures and racy texts, but it is not your thing.

Ask him if he is willing to curb that behavior. You need to know where he stands on this so that you can decide if you want to keep talking to him. Unfortunately, because sexting is so rampant, it may not seem like a big deal to him, even though it is to you. Figure out if you have shared values and proceed accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I get my child to practice good hygiene? My 11-year-old son is going to middle school in the fall. He has a tendency to not take regular showers. I told him multiple times that if he doesn't bathe in a reasonable amount of time, he would either be punished or there will be consequences. I'm afraid that he will keep up these bad habits when he gets older. -- Dealing With Dirt, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR DEALING WITH DIRT: Talk to your son about the importance of regularly bathing his body and how it leads to good health. Also, talk to him about his changing body. He is soon to enter puberty, which means he will be developing body hair and will likely develop body odor if he does not regularly clean himself. Educate him on the young man he is becoming. Empower him with information about himself. This may inspire him to bathe a bit more frequently.

You can absolutely also put your foot down about how often he must bathe. If he refuses, take away privileges that he values, such as video games, TV, play dates, etc. Figure out what would motivate him to clean up because he would hate to lose some aspect of his daily life.