DEAR HARRIETTE: The situation "Tightrope" faced as a visitor with her two little boys in the home of a friend got me thinking. I have been in the shoes of the hostess mentioned -- she had to constantly be on guard when young children were present who had not been properly trained how to behave with other people's belongings. It is miserable for all involved.

At home is the place to start when toddlers first set out to explore. It is important to lovingly and consistently reinforce what is acceptable to touch and what isn't. We were able to take our four children anywhere and be quite confident that they would know how to be good guests. In our many years of ministry as pastors, we constantly heard what gracious and well-behaved children we had. Good manners helped them in so many areas of their lives. Our grandchildren and great-grandchildren are following in their parents' footsteps. -- Thankful Granny, Wyoming, Mich.

DEAR THANKFUL GRANNY: Teaching children manners at home at an early age is smart. As you experienced firsthand, it makes it much easier to bring your children out to restaurants, to other people's homes, etc., if they are clear about what is expected of them wherever they are going. This takes practice.

For those parents who have not tried or have not been successful at training their children how to respect people's space or belongings, it is not too late to start. Rather than chastising your children, which can make them intimidated and resentful, think of creative ways to get them engaged. Make a game where whoever follows the most rules wins a prize. Your games can run from who knows how to set and clear the table to how to eat properly to the "walk, don't run" rule indoors to how to use your inside voice. Have fun and teach along the way. Then remind your children of the ground rules and expectations before you take them on an outing. Most important, be consistent. How you want your children to behave outside the home is how they should behave inside.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm wondering if "Doubted," the reader who needs help from family all the time, has considered counseling to improve his self-esteem, volunteering to give back and learn some job skills or going to school to enhance his job skills?

If I loan money to someone I love, I would be happy if he offered to baby-sit, shop for groceries for me, weed the garden, pick up books at the library, bake, do laundry, wash the car -- the list of tangible ways to show gratitude is endless. -- Grateful, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GRATEFUL: Getting creative to figure out a way to make good on a debt even when you do not have the money in the short term is smart. It shows your debtor that you are serious about repaying your debt and that you are willing to do whatever you can to be of support when you do not literally have the dollars to give back.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read the letter from "Crossroads," the couple in marriage counseling. I believe there is something else the couple can do to work on their knee-jerk reactions to get their angry behaviors in check and replace them with healthy behaviors. A good way to find solutions is to attend Al-Anon meetings regularly. Al-Anon is widely thought to be only for spouses of alcoholics; however, it is not. It is for anyone dealing with unhealthy behaviors. Instant anger is definitely a common reaction when communicating with another person, as is hanging on to old resentments. Working the 12 steps does wonders to improve relationships with family, friends, neighbors and strangers. It is a spiritually based group of loving people who have problems of their own and seek to improve family behavior by changing their own attitudes. Being honest is an important part of Al-Anon.

I urge all people who cannot seem to get rid of unhealthy behaviors to attend many, many meetings of Al-Anon, work the steps and continue to receive counseling. Be honest and direct. I have attended Al-Anon and Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics for several years, and, along with finding a good therapist, have improved my behavior and attitudes exponentially. -- Much Happier, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR MUCH HAPPIER: Thank you for sharing such detail about the effectiveness of Al-Anon. I have not mentioned this vital service in some time, and it is perfect timing to do so now. Not only have thousands of people benefited from the fellowship that lives in each of these meetings, but it is free, too. There is no barrier prohibiting someone who needs support from getting it. To find a meeting in your area, look up Al-Anon in your city.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a relatively new organization that might be of interest to "I Am Not Even Hungry," and it is Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, a nonprofit organization patterned after the highly recognized Alcoholics Anonymous.

I would suggest that you let your reader know about this organization and its website, which lists meetings available in his or her area. There are no weigh-ins, no fees and only first names are used. I know that it saved my life. It's not easy, but it is simple. -- Saved, Chicago

DEAR SAVED: Thank you for sharing this resource. For those in need, visit foodaddicts.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for about four years. I am almost 5 feet 2 inches tall and about 125 pounds. My boyfriend always says I am gaining too much weight. He can be really mean. Last year I discovered that he cheated on me with a fat girl. I cannot understand that for the life of me. What is that about? -- Insulted, Cincinnati

DEAR INSULTED: You and your boyfriend sound a bit confused. He doesn't seem to know what he wants in a relationship. You have tolerated his belittling comments followed by infidelity. You two need to have a meeting of the minds where you speak very directly about your relationship. It is incumbent upon you to speak up about your concerns. Ask him why he constantly rides you about your weight. (If it is true that you have been gaining, take that to heart, by the way. He may be concerned for your health.) Confront him about the affair. Ask why he betrayed your relationship. Follow up with why he cheated with a large woman while, at the same time, he criticizes you for your body

Who knows why he has made these choices? You need to figure out if it is worth it for you to continue in a relationship with him. Mutual respect is necessary for long-term success. If you can rekindle that, you may stand a chance. Do yourself a favor: If he does not become supportive of you in ways that make you feel loved, walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was offered a chance to go on vacation with his best friend for a week to Florida. I love the idea -- as does my son -- but we cannot afford to send him. I spoke with the mom privately to break the news, and she informed me that she was inviting him as a treat. She did not expect me to pay. That is very generous of her, but I know how expensive this trip will be. I can give him only a few dollars toward his trip. How can I say yes? -- Longing Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LONGING MOM: Talk further with the mom and lay your cards out on the table: Tell her exactly how much money you can contribute to the trip. It really may be fine with her to cover your son's costs. If not, she will tell you.

If she still wants your son to go, allow it. Talk to him about his behavior and about being frugal. Give him a little pocket change, but give the lion's share of your contribution to the mom. Know that this is not an uncommon practice, for school friends to invite friends to vacation with them. On plenty of occasions, the host family foots the bill, but you are wise to ask. You would never want to assume. But if you feel comfortable with the offer, let your son have a great time. Be sure to write a heartfelt thank-you note upon their return.