DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read the letter from "Crossroads," the couple in marriage counseling. I believe there is something else the couple can do to work on their knee-jerk reactions to get their angry behaviors in check and replace them with healthy behaviors. A good way to find solutions is to attend Al-Anon meetings regularly. Al-Anon is widely thought to be only for spouses of alcoholics; however, it is not. It is for anyone dealing with unhealthy behaviors. Instant anger is definitely a common reaction when communicating with another person, as is hanging on to old resentments. Working the 12 steps does wonders to improve relationships with family, friends, neighbors and strangers. It is a spiritually based group of loving people who have problems of their own and seek to improve family behavior by changing their own attitudes. Being honest is an important part of Al-Anon.

I urge all people who cannot seem to get rid of unhealthy behaviors to attend many, many meetings of Al-Anon, work the steps and continue to receive counseling. Be honest and direct. I have attended Al-Anon and Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics for several years, and, along with finding a good therapist, have improved my behavior and attitudes exponentially. -- Much Happier, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR MUCH HAPPIER: Thank you for sharing such detail about the effectiveness of Al-Anon. I have not mentioned this vital service in some time, and it is perfect timing to do so now. Not only have thousands of people benefited from the fellowship that lives in each of these meetings, but it is free, too. There is no barrier prohibiting someone who needs support from getting it. To find a meeting in your area, look up Al-Anon in your city.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a relatively new organization that might be of interest to "I Am Not Even Hungry," and it is Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, a nonprofit organization patterned after the highly recognized Alcoholics Anonymous.

I would suggest that you let your reader know about this organization and its website, which lists meetings available in his or her area. There are no weigh-ins, no fees and only first names are used. I know that it saved my life. It's not easy, but it is simple. -- Saved, Chicago

DEAR SAVED: Thank you for sharing this resource. For those in need, visit foodaddicts.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for about four years. I am almost 5 feet 2 inches tall and about 125 pounds. My boyfriend always says I am gaining too much weight. He can be really mean. Last year I discovered that he cheated on me with a fat girl. I cannot understand that for the life of me. What is that about? -- Insulted, Cincinnati

DEAR INSULTED: You and your boyfriend sound a bit confused. He doesn't seem to know what he wants in a relationship. You have tolerated his belittling comments followed by infidelity. You two need to have a meeting of the minds where you speak very directly about your relationship. It is incumbent upon you to speak up about your concerns. Ask him why he constantly rides you about your weight. (If it is true that you have been gaining, take that to heart, by the way. He may be concerned for your health.) Confront him about the affair. Ask why he betrayed your relationship. Follow up with why he cheated with a large woman while, at the same time, he criticizes you for your body

Who knows why he has made these choices? You need to figure out if it is worth it for you to continue in a relationship with him. Mutual respect is necessary for long-term success. If you can rekindle that, you may stand a chance. Do yourself a favor: If he does not become supportive of you in ways that make you feel loved, walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was offered a chance to go on vacation with his best friend for a week to Florida. I love the idea -- as does my son -- but we cannot afford to send him. I spoke with the mom privately to break the news, and she informed me that she was inviting him as a treat. She did not expect me to pay. That is very generous of her, but I know how expensive this trip will be. I can give him only a few dollars toward his trip. How can I say yes? -- Longing Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LONGING MOM: Talk further with the mom and lay your cards out on the table: Tell her exactly how much money you can contribute to the trip. It really may be fine with her to cover your son's costs. If not, she will tell you.

If she still wants your son to go, allow it. Talk to him about his behavior and about being frugal. Give him a little pocket change, but give the lion's share of your contribution to the mom. Know that this is not an uncommon practice, for school friends to invite friends to vacation with them. On plenty of occasions, the host family foots the bill, but you are wise to ask. You would never want to assume. But if you feel comfortable with the offer, let your son have a great time. Be sure to write a heartfelt thank-you note upon their return.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last Sunday, a woman at my church asked me if we could speak privately. I agreed. She told me she thinks I'm nice and a good man. I was flattered. She is an attractive, single woman around my age, so I thought this might be going somewhere. That's when she dropped the bomb: Because she thinks I am a great guy, she wants me to donate sperm to her so she can have a baby. She is in her late 30s, hasn't met the right guy yet and really wants to have a baby. She assured me that she does not want a relationship or anything. She would even pay for the sperm, if need be. Mainly, she wants a baby and thinks I would be a good donor. I was so offended. I would love to be a husband and father -- not a donor. I was so shocked I didn't say anything, and I need to respond. What do I say? -- Against the Grain, New Rochelle, N.Y.

DEAR AGAINST THE GRAIN: Follow up with her in person. Thank her for her kind comments about you. Tell her that you, too, would love to have a child, but that you are interested in a relationship, a wife and a child. You have no interest in being a donor. So, no thank you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have purposely found me a blind date even though they know I have a girlfriend. They hate my girlfriend, and it really bothers me. Every chance they get, they find some way to make a snide comment or correct her. It drives me crazy. Now my mom tells me that she wants to set me up on blind date with a girl I don't even know, and I think that's really disrespectful toward me and my girlfriend. What should I do to get my parents out of my love life? -- Fed Up, Philadelphia

DEAR FED UP: Have a heart-to-heart with your parents, and ask them why they do not like your girlfriend. Press them about their feelings and ask them to substantiate their reasons. Listen closely as they talk to see if they have any valid points that they are expressing. If you hear anything that you agree with, acknowledge as much and talk about it. If you disagree with their assessment, tell them that you respect them but do not agree with their opinions.

Remind them that you love them and know that they want the best for you and that you have to make your own decisions. Be clear that you are not interested in going on a blind date. Ask them to stop chastising your girlfriend. Express your belief that being snide is unkind and disrespectful to her. Ask your parents to give you space to explore your relationship and make your own mistakes. Ask for them to exercise loving distance, at least for now.