life

Plea for Sperm Shocks Man

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 9th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last Sunday, a woman at my church asked me if we could speak privately. I agreed. She told me she thinks I'm nice and a good man. I was flattered. She is an attractive, single woman around my age, so I thought this might be going somewhere. That's when she dropped the bomb: Because she thinks I am a great guy, she wants me to donate sperm to her so she can have a baby. She is in her late 30s, hasn't met the right guy yet and really wants to have a baby. She assured me that she does not want a relationship or anything. She would even pay for the sperm, if need be. Mainly, she wants a baby and thinks I would be a good donor. I was so offended. I would love to be a husband and father -- not a donor. I was so shocked I didn't say anything, and I need to respond. What do I say? -- Against the Grain, New Rochelle, N.Y.

DEAR AGAINST THE GRAIN: Follow up with her in person. Thank her for her kind comments about you. Tell her that you, too, would love to have a child, but that you are interested in a relationship, a wife and a child. You have no interest in being a donor. So, no thank you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have purposely found me a blind date even though they know I have a girlfriend. They hate my girlfriend, and it really bothers me. Every chance they get, they find some way to make a snide comment or correct her. It drives me crazy. Now my mom tells me that she wants to set me up on blind date with a girl I don't even know, and I think that's really disrespectful toward me and my girlfriend. What should I do to get my parents out of my love life? -- Fed Up, Philadelphia

DEAR FED UP: Have a heart-to-heart with your parents, and ask them why they do not like your girlfriend. Press them about their feelings and ask them to substantiate their reasons. Listen closely as they talk to see if they have any valid points that they are expressing. If you hear anything that you agree with, acknowledge as much and talk about it. If you disagree with their assessment, tell them that you respect them but do not agree with their opinions.

Remind them that you love them and know that they want the best for you and that you have to make your own decisions. Be clear that you are not interested in going on a blind date. Ask them to stop chastising your girlfriend. Express your belief that being snide is unkind and disrespectful to her. Ask your parents to give you space to explore your relationship and make your own mistakes. Ask for them to exercise loving distance, at least for now.

life

Weiner's Sexts Provide Opportunity for Conversation

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 8th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: This whole sexting thing with Anthony Weiner makes me sick and concerned. There was recently a sexting issue at my son's high school where several students were reprimanded for sending lewd photos to each other and sharing them with others. The teenagers didn't think it was a big deal at all -- even after they got caught. One of them even mentioned Weiner's situation, saying that if he can still run for mayor after all of the stuff he did, what's the big deal for them? They are just teenagers after all. How can I ensure that my son doesn't take on this warped view? -- Mortified, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR MORTIFIED: You are not alone in your concerns. This is a time when it is essential for you to remind your son of your values and expectations. People in the public eye and others do many things that your family may consider inappropriate. Point this out to your son. In this case, be sure to highlight that whatever you send via the Internet becomes part of the public domain and that you cannot guarantee that it remains private. Nothing should be shared that you deem salacious or embarrassing. As it relates to sexually explicit content, directly talk to your son about honoring his body, being respectful to any potential sexual partner and using discretion when it comes to taking actions for the thrill factor. Honestly, now is the time to revisit what, hopefully, you have done already, namely have the big talk about sex.

You can also watch with your son as Anthony Weiner's career and marriage begin to crumble. While we do not know yet what will happen to him, as the scandal surrounding him escalates, his reputation has clearly been tarnished. Point out that your reputation is very important and that you should do everything in your power to keep it intact by behaving responsibly and with integrity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time my husband and I are broke, which seems like too frequently in recent years, he wants us to try what seems to me to be a get-rich-quick scheme that costs money. I have given in a few times because I didn't have a better solution. In the end, though, these schemes usually just end up wasting money. How can I convince him that they are bad ideas? -- Broke and Broken, Denver

DEAR BROKE AND BROKEN: Rather than telling your husband that his idea is bad, come up with a good idea to replace it. Start by finding a free or affordable financial adviser who can help you look at your current state of affairs and make recommendations for how to deal with your debt. Look at your expenses and income together to assess exactly how much you need to add in order to become financially healthy. Then talk about a range of creative ways to make that happen. Ask your husband to brainstorm with you.

life

Reader Feels Bad for Overreliance on Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 7th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I have used up all of my political capital. I have been in a funk for a few months, and my friends have really been sticking by me. I am so grateful, but I can tell that they are getting tired of me. When I call two of my friends, they don't always answer the phone. That never used to happen. When we do talk, they jump off quickly if I go into one of my stories. I don't mean to be a drag on them, but I need them so much and they are always there for me. I don't want to lose my friends, but I don't know how to deal with my stuff without their help. -- Pushing Them Away, Philadelphia

DEAR PUSHING THEM AWAY: Give yourself credit for noticing your effect on your friends. Awareness is the first step in making a difference in your life. You need to realize that your friends are not a professional support system. Even though they love you, unless they are professional therapists, they do not have the skill to walk you through challenges and effectively help you to make different decisions in order to climb out of your bad space.

Stop trying to make them be what they are not. Instead, get a professional therapist to help you. Talk through your issues in that space. Let your friends know that you have gotten a psychologist, and thank them for attempting to help you for all this time. Tell them you miss hanging out and will do your best to be able to be a friend without dumping your stuff on them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A young woman at my job has been wearing skirts and dresses recently that are see-through. I really don't think she knows it. In the regular office light you can't tell, but in the sunlight or any strong light you can see right through them to her underwear. I know I am kind of old-fashioned -- I still wear slips when they are called for. I know that young people hardly even know what slips are. I want to tell this young lady how sheer some of these garments are so that she can at least decide if a slip is worth considering. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who wants people looking at her privates, but the men at work definitely do when she is not looking. -- Peek-a-Boo, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PEEK-A-BOO: As you already know, this young lady may or may not welcome your comments. Share them anyway -- privately. Pull her aside and explain that you have something sensitive you want to share with her. Tell her that sometimes you can see her underwear through her skirts and dresses. Acknowledge that you weren't sure if she was aware of it and recommend that she consider a slip when she is wearing sheer garments. Leave it at that unless she asks you for specifics about which clothes you mean. If she asks, tell her. Good looking out!

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for September 24, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for September 23, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for September 22, 2023
  • Father's Ex-Mistress Is Back in Town
  • Odd Family Dynamic Causes Fiancée to Question Marriage Plans
  • LW Feels Pressured by Parents to Stay Put in Disliked Job
  • The Older I Get, the More Invisible I Feel. Help!
  • My Grief Is Clouding My Thinking. Help!
  • Summer was a Bust. How Do I Face Fall?
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal