DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke out in a terrible rash recently, and when I went to the doctor he said that it was probably triggered by nerves. He used technical language, but he said it probably started because I have been under a tremendous amount of emotional stress, and often that can wreak havoc on the body. He gave me a prescription to ease the discomfort, but he told me that in order to really keep it in check I have to reduce my stress levels. Otherwise, he said he would have to put me on meds to calm me down.

I definitely don't want to do that. It is true that this has been a rough period: One of my best friends recently passed away, it has been crazy at work and I suspect that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I could go on and on, but when I think about it my skin starts to itch. How can I change my thinking? I want to be able to handle my problems without drugs. -- Overwhelmed, Los Angeles

DEAR OVERWHELMED: It would be great for you to take a relaxation class like yoga, meditation or Pilates, something that engages your body and eases your mind.

One by one, review each issue in your life and face it. Be in touch with others who are mourning the loss of your friend. Don't grieve alone. Assess your work issues individually, and figure out what you can do to make things better. Sometimes small actions yield big results. If your boyfriend is not treating you right, let him go. Get professional help to support you through this rough period.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a couple I really like a lot is getting divorced, and it sounds like the terms are ugly. A custody battle is underway, and all kinds of allegations are being hurled this way and that about each of them. I feel so bad for the wife, a longtime friend, because she feels powerless in this and is very concerned that she could lose her children. She is devastated. I am no lawyer, but I'm wondering what I can do to support her. -- Battle-Worn, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR BATTLE-WORN: Be a great listener. When your friend brings up points that sound like they need to be discussed with her attorney, remind her to speak to him/her right away. It is likely that there is a court-appointed psychologist who is speaking to both of them about their states of mind. She may want to have a separate therapist who can help her to process her thinking and help her to access an inner source of strength. If your friend is a woman of faith, now is the time to be prayerful. It would be great for her to remember the good times with her children and recount positive experiences she has had with them that illustrate her parenting skills. Gently talk to your friend about being strong. As tough as it may be at a time like this, her best chances at winning custody of her children may come from her presenting herself as a sober, solid, clear-thinking, loving mother.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am obsessed with one of my best friends. He and I have been close for years, but I can't imagine that he loves me the way I love him. I cannot seem to shake my feelings for the life of me. Don't get me wrong: I don't fawn over him or beg him to love me. But I want to. Whenever I see him, I kind of melt and act silly. I think this makes him feel awkward. How can I handle myself better so that I don't lose my friend? He is so important to me. -- Giddy, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR GIDDY: Take a good hard look at yourself. Rewind to moments when you have been with this friend in the past. What worked about your interactions? What didn't? Can you recall the moment when you went too far with your overtures toward him? If you can identify the turning points in various interactions, this may help you to resist doing the same thing the next time you meet.

Further, think about what it is that attracts you to this friend. What does he do that excites you so? Is his magnetism really that enthralling, or could it be that the fantasy of him is bigger than his actual presence in your life? Sometimes people obsess and project their desires onto friends when, in reality, the object of affection does not live up to those glorified projections. Consider looking at your friend as the man he is, without any added embellishment in your mind. Think of him as your friend. How do friends like to be treated? The answer is, with respect. Figure out how to back off and give him breathing room. Your friendship may improve if you can let go of your obsession and replace it with a less invasive form of admiration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is planning to visit me in a couple of weeks, and she just sent me a text message saying that she intends to bring her dog along with her. This is a problem: My son has severe allergies, and I have mild allergies. Her dog is not hypoallergenic, and even if it were, that doesn't always work for us. My sister knows about the allergies. We haven't talked about it in a while, but it's such a big issue in my house, I can't understand why she wouldn't get that she can't bring her dog. I do not want to have an argument with her, but I have to let her know that the dog has to stay home. How should I break it to her? -- No Dogs Allowed, Detroit

DEAR NO DOGS ALLOWED: Just because your dog allergies loom large for you at home does not mean this reality is prominent in your sister's mind. She does not live your life. Call your sister. Tell her how excited you are that she is coming to visit, and explain that she will have to keep the dog at home for the safety of your family. When you put your foot down, she will get it, even if it creates a logistical challenge for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend -- who I grew up with and have known all my life -- lives about 30 minutes away, which is great because we hang out all the time. Her husband is not so happy about that. He is a really nice guy, and I like him, but for some reason he seems to hate that we hang out. He always has to keep tabs on her and makes her come home early. I have never said anything to her, but I think her husband doesn't like me very much. I don't know what to do. I am not going to stop hanging out with her because of him, but I don't want it to hurt her marriage. -- Best Friend, Racine, Mich.

DEAR BEST FRIEND: Could it be that you spend too much time together? If your friend's husband feels like he has to jockey for time with his wife, he could be jealous of your friendship. When people get married, the balance is supposed to shift so that the husband and wife put each other first and ensure that they can spend time together on a regular basis.

I bet if you ease up some on how much time you "steal her away" from her husband, the animosity factor will reduce significantly. He may end up liking you after all, if you can figure out how to share his wife!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, my uncle informed me that one of my cousins had passed away. He sent me a text asking if I am planning to attend the funeral. I think I have seen this particular cousin only about two or three times in my life. The funeral is going to take place in a few days, and I am going to tell my uncle that I will not be in attendance. Do you think I am wrong for not attending the funeral? -- Family Second, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR FAMILY SECOND: While there is no requirement for you to attend this cousin's funeral, there is also no reason for you to be cold about it. Your uncle reached out to include you in an important rite of passage, bringing closure to someone's life. Take the time to talk to your uncle. Ask him how he is doing. Check in to see how he is feeling and if you can do anything to support him.

What's interesting about death is that the grieving is for the living. Your involvement in your cousin's funeral in whatever way it may occur will be for those who are still alive. With that in mind, figure out how you can be a positive contributor to your family in this time of sadness. You may discover a renewed interest in your family, including those who are still living, but with whom you have not been close.