DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my so-called best friends took a vacation with another of our mutual friends and didn't tell me. I was hanging out with her the day before she went on vacation, and all she said was that she would be out of town for a few days and would catch up with me when she got back. Then I noticed on her Facebook page that she was somewhere on a beach with our other friend. That really hurt my feelings. I can't understand why she wouldn't tell me. I get that friends don't always have to do things together, but why would she keep it a secret from me? What can I say to her without seeming like a baby? -- Unfriended, Philadelphia

DEAR UNFRIENDED: The next time you see your friend, be ready to bring up the subject of the vacation. Do your best to be even-tempered. Start off by asking her how she enjoyed her vacation. Tell her you saw the pictures on Facebook, and it looked like she had a good time. Add that you were surprised to see that she had gone with your other friend and hadn't mentioned it to you. Ask her why she chose not to tell you.

Listen carefully to what she says. Then, be sure to tell her that it hurt your feelings to be excluded from the information. Let her know that you didn't necessarily expect to be invited but that you think of her as your best friend and find it hurtful that she would choose to not tell you.

Depending upon her answer, you will gain insight into how she perceives your friendship, including if she considers you to be as close to her as you thought you were. What will be important for you is to figure out where you stand. By listening carefully, you can do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to the church leadership person who had been hospitalized for two weeks without any of the other church leaders being aware of it, I wonder if perhaps the church member might have not wanted to be visited. If he had, someone in his family certainly could have called. When my husband was in the hospital he really didn't feel like having company. He told the hospital NOT to notify the church. His wishes were respected. -- Private, Chicago

DEAR PRIVATE: You make a good point. Many people wish to maintain privacy when they are ill and/or hospitalized. Managing privacy can be a challenge, especially for some in a leadership role in a church community.

I will add that many churches appoint a particular person to be aware of such situations, and that person keeps such information confidential when requested. In this way, if an individual or family needs support, it can be easily accessed because the lines of communication are already open.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like everybody is up in arms over the George Zimmerman trial and the fact that he was acquitted. People in my neighborhood are talking about it -- screaming about it, really. At work, it is hard to concentrate because so many people are voicing their opinions. It is a little uncomfortable because for the most part, the opinions fall along racial lines. The white people favor Zimmerman, and the black people favor Trayvon Martin. Not all, but many.

I am black, and I have a black son. I am really worried for him. I don't want to be paranoid, but it bothers me a lot that this man killed a black teenager and got away with it. How can I share my opinions, keep my son safe and not get into a heated argument at work? -- Overwhelmed by the News, Shreveport, La.

DEAR OVERWHELMED BY THE NEWS: The George Zimmerman case has awakened many people in our country to some of the deep disparities in thought and law that exist here. Yes, many argue along racial lines, but not everyone. Just witness the huge peaceful rallies that have been conducted across the country. If you look at the faces, they reflect every color.

At work, I would suggest that do your job. Choose to work rather than get into a heated discussion about a topic that, in some ways, is beyond your reach. You can say to your co-workers that you, too, are passionate about this subject, but you are also committed to doing your job. Right now you must focus your attention on that. Apart from work, decide if you want to participate in the many rallies that are being organized or in other ways.

For your son, unfortunately, you do need to teach him to be extremely careful when he is approached by police officers and random others. It is frightening to realize that many young black men are unsafe as soon as they walk outside their doors. But across the country, this is too often true. There have been multiple news reports in the past few days where wealthy, well-educated, well-dressed black men have been pulled over by the police and questioned and arrested for no legitimate reason. And this is when the confrontation is with the law. When the challenge comes from a random citizen, it is even more frightening.

Because this is true, you need to prepare your son to protect himself -- hopefully without instilling too much fear in him in the process. There are no easy answers to this cultural crisis.

You can choose to engage your member of Congress about how to create more protective laws. You can participate in cultural dialogue about this topic -- outside of your workplace. You can follow what Trayvon Martin's parents are doing to attempt to protect young people against the violence that killed their son. To learn more, visit trayvonmartinfoundation.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend just told me that she and her husband are getting divorced. By the sound of it, the divorce is very messy. Her husband has a lot of money and seems to be wielding his influence in big ways. She says that he has turned most of her friends against her, and she is so sad and fragile. As I listen to her, I can tell that she doesn't know what to do. Neither do I. I want to help her, but I have no idea what happened in their marriage. I am not a lawyer; I am just a friend. What can I do to help her? -- Helpless Friend, Washington, D.C.

DEAR HELPLESS FRIEND: The way to be a good friend is to be a good listener. Make yourself available to talk to her when she is in need. Do not try to give her advice; just hear her. Do not get lured into believing that you are any kind of expert. When she asks you questions you do not know how to answer, acknowledge that you do not know. Remind her that you are there for her as a friend. Suggest that she get an attorney and a therapist -- professionals who can support her in different ways.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My godparents are getting up in age, and I feel bad because I haven't kept in touch with them enough. I got busy with my life, I guess, and time just passed. I learned recently that they both are in not-so-good health. I want to reach out to them, but I am embarrassed because I haven't talked to them much over the years. Do you think it's a good idea to call them anyway? My mom thinks so. I feel weird about it. -- Hesitant, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR HESITANT: Hesitate no longer. The blessing is that your godparents are still alive. The notion of a godparent is that the person commits to providing you with spiritual support in your life, especially if your parents are ever unable to be there for you. As with parents, that role often flips as godparents grow older. Now it is your turn to be there for these people who committed to you when you were born.

Absolutely do reach out to them right away. No need to feel guilty for the past. Be in the present. Tell them you love them. Inquire about them. Let them reveal whatever they choose about themselves. You do not need to pry about their health or anything else. Just be there.

If you can visit them in person, by all means do that. And make the decision to stay in touch with them regularly now. You cannot change the past, but you can become actively involved in their lives now, for as long as they live.