DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband passed away three years ago. We were together for more than 20 years. He was my soul mate. Seriously. Many of my friends who are married used to complain about their husbands all the time, but I actually enjoyed my husband and the time we spent together. Now that he is gone, I feel so alone. I have been invited to go on dates with various men. I have gone out with a couple of people, but nobody measures up. At the same time, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I am still young. What can I do? -- Lonely Heart, Chicago

DEAR LONELY HEART: Do your best to recalibrate your standards for a partner. That does not mean that you should lower your values. Be clear about the type of person you would enjoy spending time getting to know. Also be clear that you are not looking for a replacement for your husband. It is not likely that anyone would measure up to the partner he was for you, nor should anyone try. Instead, it is more realistic to look for a companion who shares some of your interests, who wants to spend time with you and who wants to savor the goodness of life with you.

Many widows express thoughts similar to those you have described. For those who recognize that they can keep their deceased husbands in a sacred place in their heart and still enjoy the company of someone who appreciates them for who they are, some amount of contentment can be cultivated. Give it a try.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Both of my children have left home. One is in college. One is already working and on her own. My husband and I got divorced a few years ago, so I am alone at home. I feel helpless. I have gained more than 50 pounds. I hardly feel like going to work. Honestly, I feel like nobody needs me, so I am worthless. I know that is the wrong way to think, but when I wake up in the morning, I wonder how long I will live. I am afraid to tell my children. I don't want to burden them with my worries. I don't really want to tell anybody. I know I sound pathetic. I need to do something. -- Drowning in Sadness, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR DROWNING IN SADNESS: The reality of the empty nest can be jarring for many people. When the children grow up and leave, an ache can fill your being. That is only exacerbated by the departure of a spouse. No wonder you are sad.

The good news is that you see what's going on in your life. Yes, you do need to do something about it. Please go to your doctor, get a physical and ask for a recommendation for a therapist. You need help climbing out of what sounds like depression. A therapist can help you recognize your own value so you can choose to live -- for you. You are worth more than the sadness that is shrouding you now. Claim you. Now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my ex-crush at an event last week, and I got so flustered. I had such a big crush on this man for years. We tried dating some time ago. Well, I should say that I tried to get him to date me, but it never quite happened. In the end, we stopped hanging out so things could cool off. Seeing him the other day brought all of that emotion back in a flood. I was kind and cordial. I definitely didn't do anything weird, but I realize that I still care a lot about him. How do I handle those emotions? I don't want to go back into that crazy state of trying to get him to like me again. I do not think that will work. -- All Mixed Up, Denver

DEAR ALL MIXED UP: As challenging as it may be for you, please take a deep breath and step back. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you feel overcome by emotion, the smartest thing you can do is to be still. Do not act on that emotion. Allow it to pass rather than overtake you.

In order for you to stand a chance of having a healthy friendship with this man, you have to choose to let go of the emotional grip your bond has over you right now. Otherwise, every time you run into this man, the same thing will happen. As you assess your feelings, consider why you get so caught up. Did he do something in particular that is inexplicably attractive to you? Can you identify what triggers your emotional swell? Chances are some of the intensity is in your head, about what you wish for rather than what you have.

Choose to move forward and see what is before your eyes, not what you want to be there. This may help you to lower the intensity and enjoy the real moment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is a constant complainer. It seems like everybody does her wrong. I listen to her because I know that she is lonely sometimes, but I see why people get tired of being around her. Who wants to listen to complaints all the time? I don't want to be the friend who leaves her in the lurch. I just don't know if I can stick around if she never has a positive thing to say about anybody. Should I tell her? -- Emotionally Exhausted, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED: Your friend may not realize that she is a complainer. It is common for people to be the way they are without being conscious of how they are perceived. Do tell your friend that love her but are weary because of her outlook on life. Point out how often she sees the negative in things.

Ask her if she thinks she is depressed or unhappy. Perhaps her outlook is born out of a profound sadness that can be helped by professional support. You may want to suggest this to her. You can tell her frankly that, for your well-being, you cannot continue to talk to her as frequently if the tenor of your conversation remains solely a complaint.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high school sophomore, and I am finding it hard to deal with being at school. I would consider myself a more unique person than the people at my school. Everyone at my school looks, dresses and acts the same. I am the only kid who has a giant mohawk. I am into punk rock and would say I do my own thing instead of conforming to mainstream America. However, everyone at school has been bullying me, especially the jocks. It didn't bother me before, but now I hate going to school. What should I do to deal with this problem? -- Different, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR DIFFERENT: There is a pretty good chance that there are other students at your school who are also different. They may not share your particular interests, but if you look around, you will likely notice that there are other students who do not quite fit into the mainstream. Seek them out and see if there is any synergy between you. You may find commonality in the very desire to walk to your own drum.

As far as the jocks and others who have been bullying you, since you are now feeling the emotional burden of their agitation, tell your teacher, principal and guidance counselor. Be proactive about standing up for yourself. It may seem terrifically difficult right now, but it can be easier to navigate such a tough situation if you have support.

It is also important to recognize that you have chosen to represent yourself in a way that is very different from the majority of your fellow students. Naturally, they would notice that. Rather than you being consumed by their reaction, seek out other students and/or activities that support your interests. If you have a creative, healthy outlet that allows you to be yourself, it may be easier for you to deflect the blows of others who do not understand you. Look for a punk rock club in your area. Do not give up until you find a place where you feel at ease. This may help dim the bullying.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter is a well-groomed girl. She bathes every day and wears clean clothes. I know, because I wash them. So I do not understand how such a young girl can have body odor. I recently noticed that she has serious underarm odor. I am beside myself. I know that she washes her body every day. I do not really want to get her deodorant already. What should I do? -- Smelly, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SMELLY: I have spoken to several pediatricians about this issue and have learned that it is common these days for children as young as 9 to start puberty. Body odor is one of the signs of a developing body. Others include the growth of pubic hair and the budding of body parts.

Take your daughter to her pediatrician and get a physical. Tell the doctor about her body's changes and ask for guidance as to how to take care of her. As it relates to body odor, there are natural deodorants (not antiperspirants) that may help.