DEAR HARRIETTE: My child is obsessed with competition. His father and I are divorced, and his father is ultracompetitive, which I believe plays a role in my son's competitiveness. His father just so happens to be his little league baseball coach. I feel that the pressure that my ex-husband puts on him is affecting him in a negative way. My son and I were playing checkers one night, and I captured one of his pieces. His whole expression changed from happy-go-lucky to "I am a complete failure." It was only a game of checkers!

I want him to enjoy playing games and have fun, even if it that includes losing. How do I approach my ex-husband about this so that our son isn't always stressed? Winning is not everything. -- Too Competitive, Shreveport, La.

DEAR TOO COMPETITIVE: Start with your son. Do your best to instill your values in him. Describe what you understand healthy competition to be. Be vivid in your description so that he is clear about what it means to do your best without being overly anxious about winning. Talk to him about what it means to be a gracious loser. Remind him that in any activity where one can win or lose, most people will have each experience. That is natural.

Also, talk to your ex-husband. Describe to him what has been happening and what your concerns are. Ask him to support you in teaching your son how to be competitive in a healthy way, rather than an all-or-nothing way. Be careful not to chastise your ex. Approach him as an equal, as a co-parent. By treating him with respect, you create more space for him to listen to you and consider your position.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife wants to put our child into pageants, and I am totally against this. I am married to a Southern woman who grew up around pageants. I grew up on the West Coast in Santa Cruz, Calif., surfing and skateboarding. I think the main reason for my strong position against pageants is because of the show "Toddlers & Tiaras." Those mothers are crazy, and I would not like my child to be one of those toddlers. I'm not firm on a lot of things, but this, for some reason, is one of the things I am very passionate about. I don't want my child to do it. What do I say to my wife so that she isn't angry with me? -- Anti-Pageantry, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ANTI-PAGEANTRY: Your worries are valid, as are your wife's interests. Do know that a TV reality show does not make a pageant. Those shows are designed to amplify the extremes in order to get ratings. That said, encouraging a child to grow up and dress as an adult can have emotional consequences.

Talk this out with your wife. Make sure she understands how upsetting this is to you. Suggest a compromise, such as acting or dance. If you remain wholly against pageants, ask your wife to honor your gut and choose something else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an etiquette question: When you go to a party at someone's house, a casual dinner party with a group of people, is it customary to send a thank-you note to the host? Is a follow-up call appropriate? Or an email? I feel like I want to reach out to say thanks, but I am not sure about what level of formality is appropriate. -- Unsure, Tacoma, Wash.

DEAR UNSURE: Years ago, there was something called a bread-and-butter note that people dropped in the mail to thank the host after a lovely meal together. It is always nice to send a handwritten note to someone to say thank you. That said, it is not very common these days for people to send thank-you notes for this type of occasion.

The expression of gratitude is the most important point. The delivery can come in different ways. Placing a call the next day or soon after is a lovely choice. You can reminisce with the host about the good times you had. If the person is commonly on email, and if the invitation came via email, then an email thank you is perfectly appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a big argument with my husband at the end of a lovely evening, primarily because he was drunk. Well, we both had had a lot to drink that night, but he got loud and aggressive. Because he was drunk, he did not listen to me when I told him to cool it. He didn't do anything to hurt me or anything, but he was definitely loud and out of control. We were with another couple, and it was embarrassing when he kept going on and on. It continued after they left. I want to address this, but am not sure how. -- Out of Control, Racine, Wis.

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Because you and your husband had both been drinking excessively, you can start a conversation when you are both sober to set the stage for your state that evening. Admit that you had consumed a lot of alcohol, and ask him if he remembers doing the same. Point out the good experiences you had during that evening. Then remind your husband of how the evening took a turn for the worse.

Describe to him how he raised his voice and the specifics about how he was aggressive. Point out that your friends were there and that it was awkward to have him be so aggressive in their company. Do your best to remain calm as you reflect on the way the evening unfolded. Tell your husband that the way he behaved made you uncomfortable. Ask him if he recalls his aggressive behavior. If he does not, continue to remind him of exactly what you remember him saying and doing.

If you think it is possible that one or both of you have a drinking problem, consider going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (alcoholicsanonymous.com). It is possible that the alcohol was the trigger for the behavior that you so disliked. Getting help for that could help eliminate the potential for such outbursts in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A lot of my friends are artists, and as they are looking to make new work, they use social media fundraising sites to raise money. I have gotten at least 10 requests recently from people I know well as well as people who are acquaintances, asking me to contribute to their projects. I like the idea of this type of fundraising mechanism, but I also feel like I am being hustled. I respect the fact that people want to make their projects happen. I am just not sure how I should manage this. I can't afford to support all of these people. How do I choose? How do I say no when I don't want to do it or don't have the cash to do it? -- Tapped Out, Chicago

DEAR TAPPED OUT: Why not approach these requests individually? Review what each project is and determine whether it interests you. Do you want to support the particular person? Do you believe in the project? If the answers are yes, then figure out how much you can afford to give.

If you believe in a project but do not have the financial resources, you can say as much to your friend. Send a note or make a call congratulating the person on the creative pursuit in question. State that you wish the person the very best with the project and that, unfortunately, you will not be able to make a financial contribution at this time.

For people who are not a part of your life but who are soliciting financial resources through these social media means, you can simply decline to contribute.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend lost her father six months ago, and she just lost her mother's last remaining sibling. She is so sad. Now she has no parents or aunts or uncles. She has a husband and child, but she is feeling very distressed right now. I am not sure how to support her, other than to talk to her on the phone as much as possible. We live in different states. I attended her dad's funeral. I was not able to get to her aunt's, but I will be visiting her later this summer. What else can I do? -- Friend in Need, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Dealing with loss is tremendously difficult. Your friend essentially has lost all of her family elders. That has to be difficult. It will likely take her time to accept her new reality.

It is a blessing that she has her nuclear family and you to love and support her. What you can do is continue to be a great listener. Call, text and email her with frequency. Check in to see how she is managing. Ask her, with some frequency, what you can do to help her out. On occasion, she may tell you specific things that you can do.