DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an etiquette question: When you go to a party at someone's house, a casual dinner party with a group of people, is it customary to send a thank-you note to the host? Is a follow-up call appropriate? Or an email? I feel like I want to reach out to say thanks, but I am not sure about what level of formality is appropriate. -- Unsure, Tacoma, Wash.

DEAR UNSURE: Years ago, there was something called a bread-and-butter note that people dropped in the mail to thank the host after a lovely meal together. It is always nice to send a handwritten note to someone to say thank you. That said, it is not very common these days for people to send thank-you notes for this type of occasion.

The expression of gratitude is the most important point. The delivery can come in different ways. Placing a call the next day or soon after is a lovely choice. You can reminisce with the host about the good times you had. If the person is commonly on email, and if the invitation came via email, then an email thank you is perfectly appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a big argument with my husband at the end of a lovely evening, primarily because he was drunk. Well, we both had had a lot to drink that night, but he got loud and aggressive. Because he was drunk, he did not listen to me when I told him to cool it. He didn't do anything to hurt me or anything, but he was definitely loud and out of control. We were with another couple, and it was embarrassing when he kept going on and on. It continued after they left. I want to address this, but am not sure how. -- Out of Control, Racine, Wis.

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Because you and your husband had both been drinking excessively, you can start a conversation when you are both sober to set the stage for your state that evening. Admit that you had consumed a lot of alcohol, and ask him if he remembers doing the same. Point out the good experiences you had during that evening. Then remind your husband of how the evening took a turn for the worse.

Describe to him how he raised his voice and the specifics about how he was aggressive. Point out that your friends were there and that it was awkward to have him be so aggressive in their company. Do your best to remain calm as you reflect on the way the evening unfolded. Tell your husband that the way he behaved made you uncomfortable. Ask him if he recalls his aggressive behavior. If he does not, continue to remind him of exactly what you remember him saying and doing.

If you think it is possible that one or both of you have a drinking problem, consider going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (alcoholicsanonymous.com). It is possible that the alcohol was the trigger for the behavior that you so disliked. Getting help for that could help eliminate the potential for such outbursts in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A lot of my friends are artists, and as they are looking to make new work, they use social media fundraising sites to raise money. I have gotten at least 10 requests recently from people I know well as well as people who are acquaintances, asking me to contribute to their projects. I like the idea of this type of fundraising mechanism, but I also feel like I am being hustled. I respect the fact that people want to make their projects happen. I am just not sure how I should manage this. I can't afford to support all of these people. How do I choose? How do I say no when I don't want to do it or don't have the cash to do it? -- Tapped Out, Chicago

DEAR TAPPED OUT: Why not approach these requests individually? Review what each project is and determine whether it interests you. Do you want to support the particular person? Do you believe in the project? If the answers are yes, then figure out how much you can afford to give.

If you believe in a project but do not have the financial resources, you can say as much to your friend. Send a note or make a call congratulating the person on the creative pursuit in question. State that you wish the person the very best with the project and that, unfortunately, you will not be able to make a financial contribution at this time.

For people who are not a part of your life but who are soliciting financial resources through these social media means, you can simply decline to contribute.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend lost her father six months ago, and she just lost her mother's last remaining sibling. She is so sad. Now she has no parents or aunts or uncles. She has a husband and child, but she is feeling very distressed right now. I am not sure how to support her, other than to talk to her on the phone as much as possible. We live in different states. I attended her dad's funeral. I was not able to get to her aunt's, but I will be visiting her later this summer. What else can I do? -- Friend in Need, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Dealing with loss is tremendously difficult. Your friend essentially has lost all of her family elders. That has to be difficult. It will likely take her time to accept her new reality.

It is a blessing that she has her nuclear family and you to love and support her. What you can do is continue to be a great listener. Call, text and email her with frequency. Check in to see how she is managing. Ask her, with some frequency, what you can do to help her out. On occasion, she may tell you specific things that you can do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father does not like the guys I date usually, but he especially does not like my current boyfriend because he is black. I have dated all kinds of guys, but my dad has made it abundantly clear that he does not want to get to know this one. I would not say that my dad is prejudiced, because he seems to be very nice to other black people, but I think it is more that he doesn't want me, his daughter, to date an African-American. What should I do? It makes my boyfriend uncomfortable to be around my dad. -- Pleasing My Dad, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR PLEASING MY DAD: Prejudice is a tricky thing. In theory, people can seem to be either tolerant or even embracing of those who are dissimilar from them. When it comes to a personal situation though, it can be totally different. There is a chance that your father does have some prejudice as it relates to your boyfriend being black. There is also the possibility that he may not realize he harbors any prejudice if it is indeed true.

I would be careful not to be so quick to make that judgment. Unless your father has essentially said as much to you, you may want to consider if there is any other reason that he may not like your boyfriend. When they met, did something happen that could have turned him off? Has your boyfriend ever mistreated you, that your father is aware of? Review your relationship with your boyfriend and the interactions between your father and him.

Go one step further and approach your father about this. Ask him why he is refusing to get to know your boyfriend. Remind him of how valuable you consider his opinion. Ask him if his dislike is because your boyfriend is black. Do your best to discuss the situation fully with him. If your father is being unknowingly prejudiced, he may be willing to reconsider his position if you present it in a way that he can hear.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my siblings recently lost their jobs. We are very close, so I have done my best to support them through this tough period. It is getting hard on me, though. I have a good job, but I also have a family to care for. I have been giving my siblings money almost every month to help them get by, but I realize that I am going to have to stop. I do not want to desert them, but I'm at my limit. How can I break the news to them without creating a greater burden? -- Stretched Too Thin, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR STRETCHED TOO THIN: Be direct with your siblings, and tell them that you will have to stop supplementing them. This does not mean, however, that you have to stop helping them in other ways. Make sure that they are signed up for unemployment insurance. If they were fired from their jobs, they should be eligible for that. Encourage them to dust off their resumes and actively look for work. Do your best to inspire them to take action.

If they lash out at you, stand your ground. Restate your limitations as you also express your love for them.