DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is going on a vacation later this summer. At first they invited me, but after I learned how much it cost, I told them that I could not go. I let them know immediately so that they wouldn't count me in the group for flights or hotels or anything. I told them in plenty of time, but it has caused some tension. While I did not ask for them to pay for me to travel with them, some of my family members took it upon themselves to try to pool their money so that I could go. When I learned that, I thanked them but told them that I would not go -- they did not need to do that. Now they are upset with me. I know it would be a hardship for them to pay for me. Nobody has extra. I didn't want to burden them. How can I help them understand that I just can't go and it's not personal? I want them to have fun and not feel bad. What can I say? -- Not a Burden, Shreveport, La.

DEAR NOT A BURDEN: This is a tough situation in that your family is torn. Everybody wants to be together for this vacation, yet, for practical reasons, you are unable to join them. Thank them again for the effort they made to include you, and remind them that it just will not work this time. Tell them that the best thing they can do for you and the family is to have a fantastic time and come back to share stories and photos. If you can feel comfortable talking to them about their plans and helping them get ready, do so. That will help them -- and hopefully you -- to feel less sad about you not being able to come.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently traveled across the country by plane, and I had a really hard time settling in because there was a small dog on the plane sitting next to me. I am allergic. The flight was full, so there was no place for me to go. I spoke to the flight attendant to ask to be moved, but she could not accommodate me. I managed, but I was physically uncomfortable. How can a passenger avoid this in the future? It doesn't seem fair to me that a dog carries more weight than a passenger. -- Allergic, Baltimore

DEAR ALLERGIC: Had you put up a bigger fuss about the dog -- basically stood your ground more firmly -- you probably would have gotten the flight attendant to get someone to trade seats either with you or the person with the dog. Passengers should come first.

In the future, because pets do commonly travel with their owners, you can let the airline know that you are allergic when you purchase your ticket. Ask them to assure you that you will not be seated near any animals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is away at sleep-away camp for the first time this summer. We agreed to send him for four weeks. After a few days, we got messages from him that he wanted to come home. The camp counselors, however, encouraged us to give it time -- many children get homesick and get over it. They were right. The last time we talked to him, he was having a blast.

When he was homesick, I told my mother and my best friend, and now they are upset with me because I did not go to get him. They think I was cruel to leave him there against his will. Nothing that I told them about the counselor's advice or the fact that he is fine now has made a difference. What can I do to quiet things down? -- Shunned, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR SHUNNED: Stay focused on your son and his experience. By all means, check in with camp regularly to make sure that he is doing well. If you learn otherwise, make a decision about your next steps.

As far as your mother and friend, step back a minute. They are reacting to your initial concern about your child's comfort and safety. This is a good reminder for the future. Do not tell them things before you have attempted to handle them directly, because loved ones hold onto dramatic moments far longer than those directly affected.

When your son comes home, debrief him about his experience. Then have him share highlights with them. His authentic stories will help to clarify what his experience has actually been.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for many years. For a long time, we did not get along well. We argued daily about stupid stuff. The arguments have subsided a lot, but there is a not-so-good side effect: We have not been intimate in years. I have lost interest in intimacy because we had so many years of animosity. He wants to close the gap. I don't. I know it's not fair, but I don't know how to turn the interest back on. Any advice? -- Dry, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DRY: Have you tried therapy? It might be helpful for the two of you to go to a traditional relationship therapist. This person may be able to help you identify what is blocking you from reconnecting romantically with your husband. There may be some underlying issues you have yet to tackle that can be identified and dissolved so that they no longer stand in the way of intimacy for you two.

You might consider visiting a sex therapist. More and more couples have used this option, as these therapists are trained to help guide couples to get back in touch with their desire for each other.

You might also consider taking a romantic vacation. Do something fun that used to be exciting for both of you. Before going on that vacation or to any therapy, do your best to talk to each other about your relationship and what you would like it to look like in the future. What do you want? Break the ice by striking an honest and thoughtful discussion.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About 10 years ago, my husband's oldest brother passed away after a short bout with cancer. My husband was devastated. They were more than brothers; they were best friends. Since then my husband, "Hubby," has dealt with depression and anxiety so bad he can no longer work. Most days are a battle for him to get out of the house. He is seeking treatment, but it's an uphill battle. Most of his family is aware of his situation, and they try to be supportive.

He has another brother, "Bro," with whom he spends a lot of time. Every time they talk or hang out together, Hubby sinks deeper into depression. You see, Bro lies about everything. If he's not lying, he's bragging. He recently came into some money from a lawsuit. So any conversation is about how much he spent on something, the latest things he bought or where he and his family spent the weekend. Bro's preteen son is rude and cocky; he was never taught to respect his elders. When the son gets into trouble at school, Bro just calls the school and yells at the staff. At one time, this little boy worshiped my husband because Hubby is good to him. But not so much anymore.

Right now we are on a fixed income until I can get a better job. So, of course, money is tight. My heart breaks when Hubby comes home and tells me Bro's latest news. I see how much it hurts him. Any progress he makes with his depression/anxiety disappears as soon as Bro calls. I want to say something to Bro about how much he is hurting his brother, but Hubby doesn't want me to. I will respect his wishes on this. But what can I do? The entire family knows the way Bro is, and it upsets them at times, but he is family. Hubby has already lost one brother. He doesn't want to lose the other over what would become a huge argument full of denial and accusations of jealousy.

Why can't Bro see what he's doing to his brother? My only wish in this world is for my husband to be happy. But with family like this, I don't see it happening anytime soon. Do you have any advice? -- Helpless in the Midwest, Chicago

DEAR HELPLESS IN THE MIDWEST: I understand that you do not want to defy your husband, but it sounds like an intervention is needed. For starters, though, limit Bro's interaction with your family. Do not invite him or his son to visit your home. Take a message when he calls your husband.

I would take it one step further and speak to him directly, letting him know how fragile your husband is right now and asking him to be more thoughtful. Tell him that some of the things he says and does are hurtful. He may not be aware of the impact of his behavior. Describe a couple of scenarios to bring his actions to light. Ask him to be more thoughtful out of respect for his own flesh and blood. If he makes the effort, your husband may benefit.