DEAR HARRIETTE: About 10 years ago, my husband's oldest brother passed away after a short bout with cancer. My husband was devastated. They were more than brothers; they were best friends. Since then my husband, "Hubby," has dealt with depression and anxiety so bad he can no longer work. Most days are a battle for him to get out of the house. He is seeking treatment, but it's an uphill battle. Most of his family is aware of his situation, and they try to be supportive.

He has another brother, "Bro," with whom he spends a lot of time. Every time they talk or hang out together, Hubby sinks deeper into depression. You see, Bro lies about everything. If he's not lying, he's bragging. He recently came into some money from a lawsuit. So any conversation is about how much he spent on something, the latest things he bought or where he and his family spent the weekend. Bro's preteen son is rude and cocky; he was never taught to respect his elders. When the son gets into trouble at school, Bro just calls the school and yells at the staff. At one time, this little boy worshiped my husband because Hubby is good to him. But not so much anymore.

Right now we are on a fixed income until I can get a better job. So, of course, money is tight. My heart breaks when Hubby comes home and tells me Bro's latest news. I see how much it hurts him. Any progress he makes with his depression/anxiety disappears as soon as Bro calls. I want to say something to Bro about how much he is hurting his brother, but Hubby doesn't want me to. I will respect his wishes on this. But what can I do? The entire family knows the way Bro is, and it upsets them at times, but he is family. Hubby has already lost one brother. He doesn't want to lose the other over what would become a huge argument full of denial and accusations of jealousy.

Why can't Bro see what he's doing to his brother? My only wish in this world is for my husband to be happy. But with family like this, I don't see it happening anytime soon. Do you have any advice? -- Helpless in the Midwest, Chicago

DEAR HELPLESS IN THE MIDWEST: I understand that you do not want to defy your husband, but it sounds like an intervention is needed. For starters, though, limit Bro's interaction with your family. Do not invite him or his son to visit your home. Take a message when he calls your husband.

I would take it one step further and speak to him directly, letting him know how fragile your husband is right now and asking him to be more thoughtful. Tell him that some of the things he says and does are hurtful. He may not be aware of the impact of his behavior. Describe a couple of scenarios to bring his actions to light. Ask him to be more thoughtful out of respect for his own flesh and blood. If he makes the effort, your husband may benefit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who has started at a new job recently, and I really love it. However, I have a problem. At first I didn't notice it, but now I realize that my boss is hitting on me. When it started, the things he did seemed like simple nice gestures, which I thought nothing of, but now it is obvious. I am at a loss. Recently, he asked me out, and I don't really know what I should do. He is nice, and he is not some creepy old man -- he is 26, and I am 20. My friends say I should report him, but I don't want to lose this great job, and he seems like a nice guy. -- Confronted, Denver

DEAR CONFRONTED: Rather than report him, speak to your boss directly. I know it can seem difficult to stand up to an adult, but I recommend that you ask him if you can have a moment of his time. Then, tell him you are flattered that he wants to go out with you, but that you want to keep your relationship strictly professional. Tell him that you hope he understands. Tell him that you love your job and appreciate the opportunity to work there. Tell him that you are not interested in dating the boss.

By speaking to him directly, you may be able to squash the situation. If, however, you feel that there will be repercussions, go to human resources and explain what has occurred and what your concerns are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am graduating college next year, and I have no idea what I want to do exactly. I have a general idea that I want to do something with law. For some reason, my dad seems to always make me feel bad for not having a plan mapped out. While I understand where he is coming from, it makes me feel like because I do not have this clear plan of my life already made, I am setting myself up for failure. I try to avoid these conversations with my father, but it is hard.

The one good thing is that my mother is very supportive and pretty patient in terms of letting me figure it out for myself. She is more of a "live life in the present" kind of person, whereas my dad is a future-thinking kind of guy. What should I do? This issue is putting a damper on our relationship to the point where I don't want to spend time with him at all. It is driving me crazy. -- Undecided, Boston

DEAR UNDECIDED: Do not get distracted by your parents. It is time for you to map out a plan for your life. It does not have to be the be-all and end-all plan. But you do need to take steps to make yourself employable. Talk to a career counselor about employment options and continuing your education. An advanced degree in an area of your choice could be a way to buy time before going into the workplace.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced, and I am somewhat close to my father, but he is getting on my nerves. I hate going to visit him. For the past two years, he has been angry and grumpy all the time. He and his wife argue all the time, and it drives me crazy -- it is always over stupid things, and he always starts the arguments. Sometimes he snaps at me, and, frankly, whenever I go to visit them, I am happy when he is at work. I don't want to keep visiting if this is going to keep happening. What can I do? -- Uncomfortable Daughter, New Haven, Conn.

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE DAUGHTER: Step back for a moment. Reflect on what has been going on in the past two years. Did your father's work change? Did his wife's? Is anyone ill in the family? Usually, if there is a dramatic change in someone's behavior, it is precipitated by something.

You can ask your father if he is OK. Tell him you have noticed that he seems to be in a bad mood a lot. Ask if wants to talk about it. Tell him you love him but that it is sometimes hard for you to be around him because he and his wife are often arguing and unhappy.

When you have a chance to speak to your father privately, let him know that you want to support him in any way you can, and ask him to be there for you, too. Your conversation with him may help him to see his behavior. Very often, when people are in the throes of emotional challenge, they do not realize how they are acting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend since my freshman year of college, and while he is a wonderful guy and all, I find myself having feelings for his best friend. My boyfriend is a year older than I am, and he graduated this summer. He is going away to law school. His best friend and I are the same age, and he will be staying at his university, which is close by, so we will probably hang out more than before. I feel guilty for having these feelings, but I don't want to break up with my boyfriend. What do I do? -- Torn, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TORN: Have you ever heard of the concept of "first things first"? Before even considering dating anyone else, particularly your boyfriend's best friend, figure out what you want. You say you don't want to break up with your boyfriend. Why? What do you like about your relationship? Figure out if your bond is worth holding onto. If so, resist the temptation of pursuing anything with his friend. If you are unsure about the bond, deal with it. Break up if that feels right. Only if you are available should you attempt to date anyone. Think before you make the choice to date his best friend, though. It is likely that such a union will just end up hurting everyone.