DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced, and I am somewhat close to my father, but he is getting on my nerves. I hate going to visit him. For the past two years, he has been angry and grumpy all the time. He and his wife argue all the time, and it drives me crazy -- it is always over stupid things, and he always starts the arguments. Sometimes he snaps at me, and, frankly, whenever I go to visit them, I am happy when he is at work. I don't want to keep visiting if this is going to keep happening. What can I do? -- Uncomfortable Daughter, New Haven, Conn.

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE DAUGHTER: Step back for a moment. Reflect on what has been going on in the past two years. Did your father's work change? Did his wife's? Is anyone ill in the family? Usually, if there is a dramatic change in someone's behavior, it is precipitated by something.

You can ask your father if he is OK. Tell him you have noticed that he seems to be in a bad mood a lot. Ask if wants to talk about it. Tell him you love him but that it is sometimes hard for you to be around him because he and his wife are often arguing and unhappy.

When you have a chance to speak to your father privately, let him know that you want to support him in any way you can, and ask him to be there for you, too. Your conversation with him may help him to see his behavior. Very often, when people are in the throes of emotional challenge, they do not realize how they are acting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend since my freshman year of college, and while he is a wonderful guy and all, I find myself having feelings for his best friend. My boyfriend is a year older than I am, and he graduated this summer. He is going away to law school. His best friend and I are the same age, and he will be staying at his university, which is close by, so we will probably hang out more than before. I feel guilty for having these feelings, but I don't want to break up with my boyfriend. What do I do? -- Torn, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TORN: Have you ever heard of the concept of "first things first"? Before even considering dating anyone else, particularly your boyfriend's best friend, figure out what you want. You say you don't want to break up with your boyfriend. Why? What do you like about your relationship? Figure out if your bond is worth holding onto. If so, resist the temptation of pursuing anything with his friend. If you are unsure about the bond, deal with it. Break up if that feels right. Only if you are available should you attempt to date anyone. Think before you make the choice to date his best friend, though. It is likely that such a union will just end up hurting everyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last night, my 3-year-old nephew asked me to get him a cup of water. When I gave him the cup, he called me Daddy. That was the first time my nephew ever called me Daddy. I was a little puzzled by his response, because my nephew knows who his dad is. I explained to him that I am his uncle. After a few mistakes, my nephew finally called me by my name. I spend a lot of time with my sister's children, and I am the most visible male figure in their lives. How can I ensure the proper boundaries between the children's father and myself? -- Family Man, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR FAMILY MAN: Clearly, your nephew views you in a fatherly role. It is likely that you are more attentive than his father. It is also smart that you addressed it -- especially if his father is a part of his life. You do not want to create any confusion, even if it comes without ill intentions.

Since your nephew is so young, you may want to refer to yourself in the third person for a while. Instead of saying, "I want to take you to the park today," you can say, "Uncle (first name) wants to take you to the park today." Keep up the third-person reference so he can reflect on what you are calling yourself. That should help.

Meanwhile, be aware of the close bond that you have with your nephew, and remind him of the importance of family. Make sure he knows how much you love him and that you will always be his family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am thinking about changing my college minor from communications to sports management. I am a little nervous because my college has more classes in communications than in sports management. I told my friends that I am thinking about changing my minor, and they're telling me that I should play it safe and stick with communications because I can make a lot of money in that field. However, my heart is really pulling me toward the sports management program. What should I do? Should I play it safe, or should I follow my heart? -- Student, Chicago

DEAR STUDENT: Your friends cannot live your life for you, so be careful not to give their advice too much weight. Instead, go to your guidance counselor to talk through your career options as they relate to your studies. Review your options carefully so that you are as clear as possible about what you will be able to learn at school to support your interests.

Don't stop with school, though. Internships are key for most people as they develop their career plans. Identify sports management companies in your area that offer internships to students. Find out if you can get college credit in exchange for the experience. If this is your passion, do everything possible to get into the field.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is retiring soon, and a group of her co-workers are hosting a retirement party for her. As we were thinking about what to do to celebrate this woman, we realized that we do not know the protocol regarding retirement parties. Is it customary for people to bring gifts? Should there be a basket or bag that she has where people can give monetary gifts, like at a wedding? Should she register for gifts? We just don't know. Can you help? -- Seeking Guidance, Detroit

DEAR SEEKING GUIDANCE: Great question. It is definitely not customary for the retiree to have a bag for checks or a basket for monetary gifts. It is also not customary for the retiree to register for gifts. Past that, the rules are not so clear.

When the boss is hosting a retirement party, it is customary for the company to give a gift. Employees may chip in and buy a gift for the retiree as well. In your case, it would be good for the hosts to find out if the retiree would feel comfortable receiving gifts. If so, you can buy a collective gift. Or you can let guests know that if they would like to give her something as a token of their appreciation of her that is fine. This should not be written on an invitation.

The best gifts in a situation like this are based on specific things that you know that the retiree appreciates. If she likes to read, a gift certificate to a bookstore or for e-books would be great. If she always wanted to take a little trip but didn't, perhaps a group of you can pitch in and collect funds to help defray the cost of that dream vacation. Get creative as you think of how to honor your friend. Make sure she approves before you proceed. Now is not the time for surprises.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column in my local paper today and felt concerned about the person who wrote in as "Afraid" from Racine, Mich. To me, it sounded like the person's issues -- discouragement, fatigue and feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks -- could be symptoms of depression, and I wish you had advised her to seek counseling in this area. I speak from personal experience. -- An Idea, Seattle

DEAR AN IDEA: Fair point. I chose to give concrete suggestions for how to deal with the tangible issues at hand, which clearly could be helpful. But the overarching issue could be that this person is depressed. I do recommend, as you state, that if you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, exhausted, etc., it is good to get a physical. Go first to your internist to get a checkup. Ask about mental health support. If you have insurance, it will be easy for you to schedule an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist. If you do not, do not give up. Many community clinics offer mental health support at little or no cost. If you believe you need help, reach out for it. You are worth it!