DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is retiring soon, and a group of her co-workers are hosting a retirement party for her. As we were thinking about what to do to celebrate this woman, we realized that we do not know the protocol regarding retirement parties. Is it customary for people to bring gifts? Should there be a basket or bag that she has where people can give monetary gifts, like at a wedding? Should she register for gifts? We just don't know. Can you help? -- Seeking Guidance, Detroit

DEAR SEEKING GUIDANCE: Great question. It is definitely not customary for the retiree to have a bag for checks or a basket for monetary gifts. It is also not customary for the retiree to register for gifts. Past that, the rules are not so clear.

When the boss is hosting a retirement party, it is customary for the company to give a gift. Employees may chip in and buy a gift for the retiree as well. In your case, it would be good for the hosts to find out if the retiree would feel comfortable receiving gifts. If so, you can buy a collective gift. Or you can let guests know that if they would like to give her something as a token of their appreciation of her that is fine. This should not be written on an invitation.

The best gifts in a situation like this are based on specific things that you know that the retiree appreciates. If she likes to read, a gift certificate to a bookstore or for e-books would be great. If she always wanted to take a little trip but didn't, perhaps a group of you can pitch in and collect funds to help defray the cost of that dream vacation. Get creative as you think of how to honor your friend. Make sure she approves before you proceed. Now is not the time for surprises.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column in my local paper today and felt concerned about the person who wrote in as "Afraid" from Racine, Mich. To me, it sounded like the person's issues -- discouragement, fatigue and feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks -- could be symptoms of depression, and I wish you had advised her to seek counseling in this area. I speak from personal experience. -- An Idea, Seattle

DEAR AN IDEA: Fair point. I chose to give concrete suggestions for how to deal with the tangible issues at hand, which clearly could be helpful. But the overarching issue could be that this person is depressed. I do recommend, as you state, that if you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, exhausted, etc., it is good to get a physical. Go first to your internist to get a checkup. Ask about mental health support. If you have insurance, it will be easy for you to schedule an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist. If you do not, do not give up. Many community clinics offer mental health support at little or no cost. If you believe you need help, reach out for it. You are worth it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am fed up with my roommate and his boyfriend. They are constantly fighting, and my roommate's boyfriend is a complete psycho. One night they got into a huge fight while my girlfriend was sleeping over. When she went to get water in the middle of the night, she said there was a tiny puddle of blood on the floor and some blood splatter on the walls. My roommate and his boyfriend had gotten into an altercation, and the boyfriend got a nosebleed.

I am about to move out because I cannot take it, but my girlfriend thinks that he should leave since he is the one causing all the problems. It is a great apartment in a great neighborhood near my school. Do I kick him out, or should I leave? -- Scared, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR SCARED: Being safe is more important than living in a nice neighborhood. Living with someone who is actively involved in a violent relationship is dangerous. You should speak to your roommate directly about what is going on. Point out that you saw blood on the wall one day after one of their fights and that you are concerned about his safety and your own.

Ask him to forbid his boyfriend from coming to the apartment. Remind him that you share the space and that you consider this person to be dangerous.

Next time there is an altercation, call the police immediately. The violence must be documented. Definitely ask him to move out if the violence continues. Ask the police for support if needed. Ultimately, if he will not move, you should.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have known my best friend, Amanda, for about 20 years, and we even go to the same school. I get along great with her parents. Her dad and I have a great relationship, especially since I grew up without a father. Her dad always jokes that Amanda dates bad boys who treat her poorly, and he says she should go out with me. I have always had the biggest crush on her, but I am not the guy she normally goes out with. I would like to try to go out on just one date. I feel like I should just tell her -- if I don't, I think I will regret not going for it. However, if I do it and she says no, not only will I feel rejected, but how will this affect our friendship? -- Betwixt, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BETWIXT: Here's the thing: You have been friends for 20 years. If dating has never come up, it is probably because you do not share romantic feelings for each other. That said, a safe way to find out is to ask her if she has ever thought about the two of you dating. You can put it out there casually and see what the conversation yields without putting either of you on the spot.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife of 12 years has developed a habit that is wearing on my nerves. If I ask if she would like a late-evening snack of ice cream, she asked if we have any. My response of "If we did not have the ice cream, I would not have asked" draws a look of displeasure. When we travel and I ask if she would like to stop for a burger or a sit-down meal at a nicer restaurant, she does not respond with her choice but replies, "Yes, that would be OK." If I see her looking through a closet or cabinet and ask what she is looking for, her answer is "something." What is the problem with her inability to provide a simple and direct answer to my questions? -- Irritated in the South, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR IRRITATED IN THE SOUTH: There is a chance that your wife is suffering from memory loss. She could potentially be in the early stages of dementia. Among the common signs of dementia are difficulty completing simple tasks at home, confusion with time or space and difficulty in planning or solving problems.

Instead of getting angry and frustrated with your wife, take her to the doctor. Go with her and share with the doctor some of your concerns. Ask the doctor to conduct blood tests and neurological tests to discover the status of your wife's mental and physical health. For more information on dementia, visit webmd.com/alzheimers/tc/dementia-symptoms.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought your advice to the person taking the public speaking class who was looking for ways to overcome his or her shyness was great -- the most important thing to do is to practice. I took a public speaking class in high school. The first time I had to speak in front of the class -- doing no more than telling about myself -- I was beside myself with nerves. But I was stuck for a semester, so I had to find a way to deal with it. Practicing my speeches was invaluable. I practiced in front of the mirror, into a tape recorder and for my family. I learned to make eye contact and always had a detailed outline in front of me that I could glance at when necessary. I not only overcame my nerves and shyness, but I went on to major in speech communication in college. I now work as a financial consultant. It all started with my first public speaking class.

I would like to add that the speaker should always remember he is the only one who knows what he intended to say. If the speaker makes a mistake, no one is the wiser. -- Communication Lover, Washington, D.C.

DEAR COMMUNICATION LOVER: Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You are proof of what I profess all the time, that with practice we all can improve ourselves and even overcome our biggest challenges. What is most amazing is that moment when you realize that you have neutralized a fear and mastered what once was a deficit. It is possible with confidence and practice.