DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for about a year and a half, and my husband and I are having problems regarding finances. I make more money -- at least $100,000 more -- than my husband, and I think it bothers him a little. I am an orthopedic surgeon, and he is a general practitioner. While we were dating, it never seemed to bother him as much. Now he is grumpy and angry all the time, and I don't know what to do. It is not my fault that I happen to make more; it is just how it happens to work out. What do I do? -- Off-Balance, Atlanta

DEAR OFF-BALANCE: Do you and your husband have a family budget? Perhaps if you create a budget that includes your vision for your future, you can shift the focus from who is bringing in what amount to what your combined resources can be used to create together.

Talk about your hopes and dreams and strategize about how to make them manifest. Decide how much money will go into what account in order to build toward a particular goal. Perhaps you can both put the same amount into that pot so you are contributing evenly.

Over time, many couples' incomes change. Today you are the principal breadwinner. That may not be the case in the future. If you look at your life as a whole, you stand a greater chance of creating harmony in your marriage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have found that raising children is very difficult -- my wife and I have one child already. However, my wife wants another one. Though I love my daughter, I realize I don't really like raising children. My wife and I both work, and since we work at different times, we have to take turns watching her. Our daughter is at an age now where I can play with her and she talks (she is 5), and I love that, but I do not think I can do it again. For me, one child is enough. -- No More, Chicago

DEAR NO MORE: You and your wife need to talk about your feelings and your shared expectations surrounding children. It is also wise to talk about how you are feeling right now.

It may come as good news that after age 5, many children are able to exercise a bit of independence. In other words, it gets easier to care for them. When you begin to experience the pressure lessening, you may feel differently about having another child. Of course, if you do have another, you will have the approximate five-year period of intense engagement again.

That could be fine, too, if you get some extra help. A regular baby sitter can be invaluable. Enlisting family support or that of trustworthy friends and neighbors can ease your stress.

Or you may truly be done with having children. Explore all options with your wife, and decide on what is next for your family -- together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 20-year-old guy, and I have been seeing a girl at my university for about three weeks. I really like her because she is funny, sweet and the girl you would want to take home to meet your mother.

Is it too early to have sex? I don't mind waiting until we get to know each other better. I know that many say if you have sex too early, it can ruin a relationship, but on the other hand, it could also lead to a much more intimate connection. How should I approach this? -- Careful, Philadelphia

DEAR CAREFUL: Thank you for being so thoughtful. At your age, it is natural to want to be sexually involved with someone you like. Just on a physical level, your hormones are wide-awake! The challenge is that if you really want to build a relationship with this young lady, it is wise to take it slow. Get to know each other. Spend time together. Learn about what values you share and what interests may be new to you. Do things together that help you to find out if you are compatible. You can even be intimate -- slowly -- without going all the way, so to speak. Take your time.

When you feel you are getting close to ready, talk about it directly. Discover your feelings about sexual intercourse. Learn whether she is a virgin. If not, learn about her dating history as you share yours. Baby steps can lead to a long-lasting embrace.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in an awkward situation. My two best friends were dating each other, but they have recently broken up. Both of my friends have told me separately what they feel was a problem in the relationship that led to the breakup. Now it seems that they want me to pick sides. I don't want to do this because they are both my friends and no matter who was wrong or right, I want them to know I am here for them. Still, I don't want either of them to be mad at me. Please help! -- In the Middle, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Do not take the bait! You cannot win by taking sides, no matter what they tell you. Refuse when they attempt to get you to choose between them. Directly say that you are not willing to get in the middle of their personal business. Tell them that you love each of them and hope to remain friends with them.

Because you are friends with both of them, you may also want to recommend that they do their emotional brain-dump with someone else. If you are not listening to their whining, regardless of how legitimate it may be, it will be easier for you to remain neutral. Stand your ground. This will not be easy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in college, and I am in a relationship with a great guy. However, there is one huge problem: He is a Mormon, and he wants me to become a Mormon as well. I have always respected him and his beliefs because I love him, but I do not want to convert. Deep down I find the religion somewhat comical. How do I tell him that I do not want to convert? I am afraid it can ruin the relationship, and I fear that this will cause us to break up. -- Not Religious, Boston

DEAR NOT RELIGIOUS: As you contemplate your next steps, it is very important for you to be respectful of your boyfriend's religion. Right now you are being judgmental, which is a surefire way to end your relationship.

I can tell you that many people who are deeply religious strongly urge their partners to convert to their religion. There is merit in that -- it's easier to build a family with shared values. Though you are in college, since you are getting serious with this young man you need to consider what you want your future to look like. What are your values? What is important to you in a relationship? As you think of family? As you consider how you want to live your life, talk to your boyfriend about it. Whether he ends up being the one or not, it is smart for you to be open and honest about who you are and what matters to you.

Ask him about his beliefs. Get him to talk to you about his religion, what he believes and why. Without judgment, listen to see if there is common ground.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends is really close with a girl I hate. She is inconsiderate, obnoxious and condescending. Everyone else who is also friends with my best friend cannot stand this friend either. Recently, my best friend asked why I always avoid activities when we are in a group setting. I don't know how to tell her that I want to avoid this girl. I don't want to hurt my best friend's feelings. How do I deal with this situation? -- Alienated, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ALIENATED: Why not tell your friend the truth? She may not realize how uncomfortable you and other friends are because of that other person's behavior. Let her know that you do not like being in this person's company because it of her attitude.

I would like to take this a step further and suggest that there is no reason why you cannot speak directly to this other person. What you are now doing is bottling up negative energy about her. Saying that you "hate" her is strong. Let go of the hate, and empower yourself by speaking up to her the next time she says something inappropriate or insulting. Ask her to stop with the disparaging comments or keep her distance.