life

First Step to Fitness Is Making the Commitment

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 26th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am becoming increasingly lazy. I rarely exercise, and I have lost my motivation to do so. I worry that I will start to get really out of shape. Despite my awareness, I have trouble getting myself up and out to try and stay fit. Other people I know belong to gyms or have personal trainers to motivate them, but I have neither. How can I start a fitness regimen that I will be interested in maintaining? I want to look my best for beach season! -- Fearing the Flab, Bayonne, N.J.

DEAR FEARING THE FLAB: Your first step is to commit to fitness. Next, make a plan that you can do at home. Quite a few cable channels feature exercise programs in the morning. You can follow along with the teacher on such a show to ensure that you are doing the moves correctly and reduce the chance of injury. You can also purchase exercise DVDs at many stores or online. With the support of a virtual teacher, commit to exercising at least three days a week.

Give yourself time benchmarks that will help you stay the course. For example, if you know you are going to the beach on a particular date, mark that on the calendar to help you keep your focus.

If you have a friend in your neighborhood who is also interested in getting fit, you can find out of he or she would like to buddy up with you to walk several days a week as well. You can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am supposed to speak at my class's graduation, and I don't know where to start. I have written down a speech with various ideas, but I am nervous about them being in a jumble and about my speech not having an impact. I mean, I am not worried about messing up because people will forget about it in a few weeks -- but I am not sure I want people to forget about the speech! I want it to have an important enough impact for them to remember it, but I am not particularly philosophical or profound. I also want it to be light enough for people to laugh. Where do I start? -- Stage Fright, Philadelphia

DEAR STAGE FRIGHT: Start by thinking about the big message you want to share with your class. What stands out for you as emblematic of the class? What are your class strengths? Do your best to remember funny stories and moving moments that you can use to reflect on your time together.

Write an outline for your speech just as you used to do in English class. Build out your thoughts in an organized manner. Sprinkle in humor throughout while maintaining the tenor of the core theme you want to convey. As you write your speech, stick to your outline. Then read it out loud a few times to see if it works as a spoken piece. Ask someone you trust to listen to you to help you edit and refine.

life

Friend's Health Scare Remains a Mystery

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 25th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other night my friend's boyfriend was hospitalized under very mysterious circumstances. They were together for most of the evening and everything was fine, but 30 minutes after she left she received a text saying he was in an ambulance. He was texting people and coherent while there, but when she demanded to know what was wrong he said, "I'm fine, don't worry" and neglected to answer any further texts. Rumors were flying that it was "severe abdominal pain," but not even his friends know what was wrong. He was back home the next morning. He is still avoiding any questions regarding the incident. She is really worried that there is something wrong because now he is being strange and avoiding her. How can she help him or figure out what the problem is without making him withdraw further? -- Worried, Sleepy Hollow, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED: Unfortunately, your friend cannot force her boyfriend to reveal his health status. It is his personal business. Pestering him will never work. Instead, she should remain supportive and give him his space if that is what he needs right now.

If they are physically intimate, she may want to withdraw from that part of their relationship until he shares what is going on. When he asks why she is refusing him, she can say that she is concerned about his health and wants to know that everything is OK before crossing that line again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I improve my organizational skills? I am going away to school next year, and up to this point in my life I have had serious issues with procrastinating. I tend to do my best work under last-minute pressure, but it doesn't leave much space to get outside advice. Also, if I have a lot of projects at once, it tends to get very stressful. For some reason I have a mental aversion toward scheduling or doing things in advance. How can I help myself with these problems? -- Trouble with Time, Boston

DEAR TROUBLE WITH TIME: I am a big believer in lists. I write down in numbered lists all of the tasks and responsibilities that I have on a daily basis. Throughout the day, I check back to see if I have fulfilled the items on my list. When I do that, I am better able to keep track of my obligations.

This also makes it easy to avoid missing deadlines or other important tasks. I highly recommend that you look at your schedule and map out a plan for success. You can do this by listing the tiny steps that lead up to the big steps. It can be daunting to look at the big picture alone. Breaking your responsibilities down into manageable parts will help you to build a ladder to success.

life

Woman's Need to Outdo Everyone Annoys Roommate

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 24th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in New York City, and I am sure you know that rent is crazy expensive; therefore, I have a roommate to help out. She was a friend of mine prior to becoming my roommate. It seems that living with her is a lot more difficult than just being friends. She is always trying to outdo everything I do as if there is some competition. If I say that I want a certain bag or if I am dating a great guy, she always has to try to one-up me. I don't know how to address the issue without sounding harsh or mean. Could you give any advice on how to approach her? -- Mocked, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR MOCKED: It is heart-to-heart time. Sit down with your roommate and tell her you want to talk about something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Point out that now that you live together you have noticed that she likes to copy everything you do. Give her examples, such as the bag or even the date. Suggest to her that if your roommate relationship is going to work, you both need your space. That includes space to express your individuality without feeling that your roommate is going to steal your style or your friends.

One thing to note, though, is that roommates often share items, clothing and friends. You need to decide together where the boundaries lie. Bringing it out into the open will help to dispel any discomfort that exists.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The letter from "Tolerant" said that the woman on the cellphone on the train "was causing no more disturbance than a person carrying on a conversation with someone sitting next to her." However, what is annoying about listening to someone on a cellphone is that she usually talks louder than when she's having a conversation with someone sitting next to her. That is why people, myself included, get so annoyed. The person on the cellphone is in her own world and forgets that there are others present who are forced to listen to her conversation. -- Annoyed, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ANNOYED: You have a point. Many people do speak louder when they are talking on the phone. What is fascinating about this letter and the reaction to it is that so many people have comments. My mailbox has been flooded with input from all over the country.

Here's a bottom line about someone talking on the phone on the train: It is a public, yet confined, location. This means that others who are around the person talking do not have the opportunity to step away or tune out the conversation. This is the same for someone having a face-to-face conversation that is loud enough for all to hear in a public setting.

We all need to be more conscious of those around us and more mindful of whether we are taking them into consideration when we are sharing space with them.

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