life

Woman's Need to Outdo Everyone Annoys Roommate

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 24th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in New York City, and I am sure you know that rent is crazy expensive; therefore, I have a roommate to help out. She was a friend of mine prior to becoming my roommate. It seems that living with her is a lot more difficult than just being friends. She is always trying to outdo everything I do as if there is some competition. If I say that I want a certain bag or if I am dating a great guy, she always has to try to one-up me. I don't know how to address the issue without sounding harsh or mean. Could you give any advice on how to approach her? -- Mocked, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR MOCKED: It is heart-to-heart time. Sit down with your roommate and tell her you want to talk about something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Point out that now that you live together you have noticed that she likes to copy everything you do. Give her examples, such as the bag or even the date. Suggest to her that if your roommate relationship is going to work, you both need your space. That includes space to express your individuality without feeling that your roommate is going to steal your style or your friends.

One thing to note, though, is that roommates often share items, clothing and friends. You need to decide together where the boundaries lie. Bringing it out into the open will help to dispel any discomfort that exists.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The letter from "Tolerant" said that the woman on the cellphone on the train "was causing no more disturbance than a person carrying on a conversation with someone sitting next to her." However, what is annoying about listening to someone on a cellphone is that she usually talks louder than when she's having a conversation with someone sitting next to her. That is why people, myself included, get so annoyed. The person on the cellphone is in her own world and forgets that there are others present who are forced to listen to her conversation. -- Annoyed, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ANNOYED: You have a point. Many people do speak louder when they are talking on the phone. What is fascinating about this letter and the reaction to it is that so many people have comments. My mailbox has been flooded with input from all over the country.

Here's a bottom line about someone talking on the phone on the train: It is a public, yet confined, location. This means that others who are around the person talking do not have the opportunity to step away or tune out the conversation. This is the same for someone having a face-to-face conversation that is loud enough for all to hear in a public setting.

We all need to be more conscious of those around us and more mindful of whether we are taking them into consideration when we are sharing space with them.

life

Parents May Have Many Reasons to Object to Romance

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 22nd, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy reading your column, and I find your advice straightforward and refreshing. However, I think you may have missed the boat about the man in an interracial relationship whose family doesn't support the relationship. The only detail he provided was that his girlfriend is black and has kids. Perhaps his family objects because there is a major age difference between them, or maybe she's been married multiple times and they worry about him committing to someone who doesn't have a good track record regarding relationships. Maybe they are worried about him becoming an instant dad to the children.

I completely agree that if the family doesn't approve of the relationship because the woman is of a different races it is an outdated shame. But I suspect there may be more to the story. Just wanted to put that out there. -- Another View, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR ANOTHER VIEW: Thank you for your insight. It is possible that race is only one factor in the parents' lack of support for this coupling. What I hope, in any situation like this, is that the parents would speak up and say what their concerns are so that the adult child can hear what they are thinking and be able to respond as an adult.

What happens all too often is that parents pass judgment, for whatever reason, and put up an emotional fence. When this occurs, the couple may retaliate and get married without even considering the parents' point of view. In the end, this can lead to fractured relationships all around, including the fledgling marriage.

I am a big believer in communicating respectfully and fully. When that happens, everyone stands a better chance of making informed decisions about the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Chasing a Dream" wrote to you because she wants to go to nursing school at age 61. I'm glad you told her to go for it. I worked in a factory for more than 25 years. I went back to school and got my nursing degree when I was 48! That was 10 years ago. I have been an oncology nurse for all of those years, and I love it! It is NEVER too late. -- Chased My Dream, Too, Chicago

DEAR CHASED MY DREAM, TOO: I so appreciate the many comments that have come in about getting educated at a later age and going for your heart's desire.

Just the other day I moderated a panel, and a woman in the audience spoke about being afraid of being stuck in her mid-level job not knowing how to move up. Of course, ageism does exist, so I did not paint for her a picture of easy street. I did point out that how we think affects what we become. What we say directs our steps. Being able to think, say and act based on the greatest potential you can imagine for yourself opens the door to possibility in your life -- at absolutely any age.

life

Condescending Teacher Needs a Lesson

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 21st, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is the end of the school year, and my son has had a lot of issues with his teacher. We have addressed them along the way, and we have learned that other parents had issues, too. The primary problem is that the teacher can be really condescending to the students. While he is a good teacher in terms of sharing a powerful curriculum, he is not good at boosting their confidence. I feel bad for the struggles my son's class had. Now it's over. I think I should say something to a higher-up so there's a chance it can be addressed formally before the next class comes in. What do you think? -- Concerned Mom, Dallas

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: I think you should definitely speak to the leadership at the school, especially if you have addressed your concerns with the teacher but believe the problems are still lingering. Just as students learn thanks to constructive feedback, so do adults, including teachers.

I recommend that you frame your thoughts carefully. To the best of your ability, do not go to the meeting emotionally charged. Think about what the experiences have been over the year. Outline what your child has experienced and what you have observed, not hearsay. Paint a picture of the year and outline your specific concerns. Let the administrator know the impact you think this teacher's behavior had on your child and on the class. Add what you hope the improvements could be in the future.

As it relates to the condescending tone of the teacher, give examples of what you have observed and how you think the behavior may have affected the children. Perhaps your input will lead to support for the teacher to work on this area.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am totally freaked out. One of my main clients has not paid my company in several months, and I fear that I am not going to be able to make payroll soon. I have been doing everything in my power to make up for this owed money, but my reserves have become too thin. How long do I wait before I let my staff know that things are bad? I keep hoping that I can keep it all together, but I don't know anymore. I don't want to lay off anyone yet, but I may not have enough for paychecks. What should I do? -- On the Brink, Seattle

DEAR ON THE BRINK: It is time to figure out your immediate next steps. If you think you will not be able to make payroll now, let your staff know. They have bills and responsibilities and will need to respond accordingly. As you look at the big picture, if you cannot see how you can afford to keep everyone on your staff, think about your options. It may be better to lay off personnel as you shore up your resources. That way they can collect unemployment insurance and take realistic steps to care for themselves. Leaving people in limbo is unkind and not good for your business.

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for March 21, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 20, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 19, 2023
  • Bad-Smelling Carpets Make Visits to In-Laws Unpleasant
  • Friend Cheaps Out with Dollar Store Gifts
  • Family Game Nights End in Battles
  • Is My Self-Care Selfish?
  • Transportable Tranquility
  • New Year, New Goal: To Be Happy
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal