DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling overwhelmed. I have so much to do that it seems almost pointless to try to do anything. I am weighed down by piles of debt. My home is in disarray. My income is spotty, and my friends are tired of hearing me complain. Recently, I have taken to my bed. I just go to sleep in the middle of the day to shut it all out. I know this is not good. What can I do to turn myself around? -- Afraid, Racine, Mich.

DEAR AFRAID: Thank you for revealing your state. I'm sure it took a lot to state where you are right now. It can seem overwhelming when so much is standing in your way. Yet it is possible to get to a better place.

Start by making a list. You can write topics to organize your list. For example, one topic is bills, another is home, another is personal. Under each, write what needs to get done. Figure out tiny tasks that lead to fulfilling each goal. You can list each creditor you owe on a separate line. Then contact each one to say that you need extra time to pay your bills, and ask for mercy. In your home, list each room or area that needs your attention. Choose a day to work on one thing at a time. If you approach each task as one thing to do rather than the whole job to be done, you make your work more manageable.

By the way, taking a nap is OK. Schedule that, too. Just remember to schedule getting up, moving your body and completing at least one task on your list each day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a crush on my college professor, and it is driving me crazy. He is so smart and cute, and I just want him to like me as more than his student. I know this probably sounds crazy, but whenever I see him, I can hardly contain myself. He is single, so I'm not trying to date a married man or anything. I am not trying to get him to give me a better grade either. We are both of consenting age. He hasn't let on that he likes me or anything, but school is almost out, and I want to let him know that I like him. As long as I don't take his class anymore, isn't it OK to date him? -- Teacher Crazy, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TEACHER CRAZY: Take a deep breath and calm down. Your hormones have definitely kicked in. The good news is that your teacher is single. The not-so-good news is that you are sounding a bit out of control.

Here's what I recommend: Do nothing yet. Get your grade, and have your class finished completely. Do not reach out to him this summer. Live your life. Do whatever you were going to do during the summer. When you see your former professor in the fall, if you still have feelings for him, ask him if you can talk offline. You can tell him of your interest and see if it is mutual. Depending upon your school's dating policies, and his own, you may or may not be able to pursue this further. Be willing to accept what he suggests.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The person writing in about wanting money for graduation instead of gifts, etc., was from Jackson, Miss. She should be aware that some stores now offer "graduation registries," which are similar to bridal registries. She can go to those stores and select her preferences, then mention where she is registered to those she thinks might want to give her a gift. -- Aware, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You missed a good opportunity to teach the graduate that gifts are not to be solicited, expected or dictated. It was presumptuous for that college-bound teen to expect gifts and request money! "Congratulations" is all that is expected from well-wishers, and gifts they bestow are extras, according to etiquette experts. Asking for money -- or anything else -- is in bad taste.

If someone asks the grad what she'd like for a gift, the polite response should be, "I would appreciate anything you think I could use when I start my school year away from home." If pressed for an answer, it is OK to tactfully suggest a gift card.

That student and her parents should not be involved in shaking down anyone for cash! The student should wait to decorate the dorm room until after she sees it and has met her roommate anyway. She should find ways to earn some cash over the summer so money will be available to spend as desired. Some well-wishers may be able to send only a nice congratulatory card, which is all that's required in polite society. Dictating a gift is never appropriate! -- Old School, Chicago

DEAR AWARE AND OLD SCHOOL: I have included both of your letters because they illustrate the broad spectrum of thought on the sensitive topic of gifting and graduation. As an etiquette expert who pays attention to the current trends, I will address your various points.

Starting with the idea of a gift registry, it is true that some families make this choice -- much like a wedding registry -- to make it easy for loved ones to spend money wisely if they choose to buy the graduate a gift. I would venture to say that this type of setup works when you are having a big party or other gathering where you expect many people will want to provide a gift. Even so, do not list the registry on your invitation. When guests ask what the graduate wants, you can direct them to the site.

That said, I agree that no one should demand or shake one down for gifts, nor did I recommend that previously. I think it is OK to answer a direct question from someone you know and love about what you might want for graduation. When asked, a parent or the graduate can say what is desired. It would be inappropriate to ask for a lavish gift. But if asked, you can talk about your plans and say that you would appreciate support in making that plan manifest. Of course, a card is a perfect gift. But if someone asks, that suggests that the person wants to do more than a card.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, I went to a local restaurant to have dinner with a friend. I was dismayed to find a short, black hair on a piece of my chicken. My hair is neither short nor black -- the hair couldn't have come from me. I had eaten enough of the meal before the discovery of the hair to satiate my appetite, so I was not going to ask for them to make me a new plate.

I would have just left the food, paid and departed had the manager not been making rounds, asking the patrons if everything was all right. I informed him quietly of my uninvited guest, but instead of an apology, he claimed not to see anything, insinuated that I insulted his "clean establishment" and whisked the plate away. To his credit, he offered to bring me something new, but I was no longer hungry.

Although he did not charge me for my meal, I was uncomfortable with the way he handled the situation. I did not mean to insult him; I simply wanted to rectify the situation. Did I do the right thing? His response was really aggressive and made me feel like it was my fault that there was a hair in my food. -- A Hairy Situation, Chicago

DEAR A HAIRY SITUATION: You did the right thing. You definitely should have told him, even if he had not come walking around. I wonder if the reason that he reacted the way he did was because someone overheard your comment. Perhaps he was embarrassed. You said you were quiet, but maybe he didn't experience it that way.

Either way, his reaction was inappropriate. He should have been gracious and apologetic.

DEAR HARRIETTE: May I comment on the letter from "I Like to be Lonely" from Armonk, N.Y.? I can sympathize with her (why do I assume it is a girl?) because I lived in Europe for several years and would call back to the United States to talk to my parents and my brother, who lived together. Whoever answered the phone first would immediately call the others to the phone, and I ended up with the feeling that I had wasted my time (and money) in a superficial conversation without spending any "quality time" with any of them.

I would suggest that "Like" call the family together and tell them, frankly, of the feelings she outlined in her letter, then offer to make "dates" with one or two of her siblings at a time to do something together, whether it's a household chore, an errand in town, a shared meal or whatever. If they really care for her, they should be happy to do this. It might provide the bonding experience she is missing. It might even bring her to the point where she has more fun in the larger group. I'm afraid that "splitting the difference" without positive interaction would just lead to resentment on both sides. -- Sensitive, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SENSITIVE: Thank you for sharing your experience. Your message is that personal, intimate interaction beats generalized group engagement. Makes sense!