DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, I went to a local restaurant to have dinner with a friend. I was dismayed to find a short, black hair on a piece of my chicken. My hair is neither short nor black -- the hair couldn't have come from me. I had eaten enough of the meal before the discovery of the hair to satiate my appetite, so I was not going to ask for them to make me a new plate.

I would have just left the food, paid and departed had the manager not been making rounds, asking the patrons if everything was all right. I informed him quietly of my uninvited guest, but instead of an apology, he claimed not to see anything, insinuated that I insulted his "clean establishment" and whisked the plate away. To his credit, he offered to bring me something new, but I was no longer hungry.

Although he did not charge me for my meal, I was uncomfortable with the way he handled the situation. I did not mean to insult him; I simply wanted to rectify the situation. Did I do the right thing? His response was really aggressive and made me feel like it was my fault that there was a hair in my food. -- A Hairy Situation, Chicago

DEAR A HAIRY SITUATION: You did the right thing. You definitely should have told him, even if he had not come walking around. I wonder if the reason that he reacted the way he did was because someone overheard your comment. Perhaps he was embarrassed. You said you were quiet, but maybe he didn't experience it that way.

Either way, his reaction was inappropriate. He should have been gracious and apologetic.

DEAR HARRIETTE: May I comment on the letter from "I Like to be Lonely" from Armonk, N.Y.? I can sympathize with her (why do I assume it is a girl?) because I lived in Europe for several years and would call back to the United States to talk to my parents and my brother, who lived together. Whoever answered the phone first would immediately call the others to the phone, and I ended up with the feeling that I had wasted my time (and money) in a superficial conversation without spending any "quality time" with any of them.

I would suggest that "Like" call the family together and tell them, frankly, of the feelings she outlined in her letter, then offer to make "dates" with one or two of her siblings at a time to do something together, whether it's a household chore, an errand in town, a shared meal or whatever. If they really care for her, they should be happy to do this. It might provide the bonding experience she is missing. It might even bring her to the point where she has more fun in the larger group. I'm afraid that "splitting the difference" without positive interaction would just lead to resentment on both sides. -- Sensitive, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SENSITIVE: Thank you for sharing your experience. Your message is that personal, intimate interaction beats generalized group engagement. Makes sense!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a small business owner on a very exciting project. I was clear about my role, and I even got it defined in writing -- I have learned that small vendors often try to get people to do more than they are contracted to do. Sure enough, that's what is happening now. Twice already I have been asked to pitch in at the last minute and help out with responsibilities that are not in my purview and for which I am not being paid.

I hate to sound like I will work only for money, but I do not have time to get sucked into extra duties without pay. I am a freelancer, and I need to work on getting more clients rather than extending my duties beyond what was agreed originally. Do you think I am being stingy with my time? -- Making Boundaries, Shreveport, La.

DEAR MAKING BOUNDARIES: It is very important to create boundaries about roles and responsibilities in business. When you put these details in writing and review them with your clients, you create a better chance of remaining clear as the project gets underway. In some instances, it makes sense to pitch in and do more. Many projects start in a particular way, and additional needs are discovered as time goes on.

That does not mean, however, that you are beholden to fulfill them. What you can do is renegotiate your contract. Or you can put your foot down and say that you are available only to do what is outlined in your agreement. Sometimes stepping away from extra roles is required for an employer to realize that he or she is attempting to squeeze more out of a relationship than is appropriate.

Be kind and be clear. This will allow your employer to evaluate what the needs are and how he or she intends to fulfill them moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to "Stressing About Summer," the teen interested in simultaneously mitigating the tension between her and her father and experiencing an "amazing summer," lacked an obvious way to accomplish both: volunteer work. Every community has opportunities to help others. The teen should consider volunteering at a homeless shelter, working at a food pantry or preparing food packets for charities such as Feed My Starving Children. As another example, almost every community has opportunities to help senior citizens. Everything you do for them brightens their eyes, including playing an instrument, bringing in a pet, playing bingo, sharing treats, engaging in conversation or working with event coordinators on special events. Another suggestion is to contact groups that coordinate children's activities -- scouting programs, day camps or children's church schools.

The opportunities to help others are endless. If you don't know where to go to locate the people in need, contact the city or county, a school or a church. This can help the teen with the relationship with her dad and will provide her with many hours of heartwarming joy, leading to an amazing summer and memories to last a lifetime. -- Helpful, Washington, D.C.

DEAR HELPFUL: Volunteering is great on so many levels. Thank you for the reminder!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and I are hosting lunch at our house in celebration of my high school graduation. It is mostly a family gathering with the exception of a handful of friends, which includes a young man who is not just a friend. I'd like to introduce him to everyone just as I would any of my girlfriends, but what I do not want is for my family to gang up on him or interrogate him. I'm afraid of this because my family is forward and they will want to know if he's my boyfriend and every little detail about him. It's important to me that he be there, and he wants to be present. Is there any way I can deflect attention away from him and keep things light? It's a joyous occasion, and I do not want him to be put on the spot. -- Fierce Family, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR FIERCE FAMILY: Your family will want to get to know any young man you bring to the house. It is only natural. You can prepare him by letting him know that they are inquisitive. He should be ready to talk about himself, his plans for his education and his life. He should also be ready to say what his relationship is to you. That may mean that you two need to be clear about it. If you are dating, you can say so. If you recently met and are getting to know each other, you can say that. Yes, it can feel awkward to have to answer to family members who are curious, but it is to be expected.

Meanwhile, you can prepare your family by telling them that a nice young man will be coming to the party. Tell them something about him that can serve as an icebreaker. And ask them to be nice to him. If, during the event, you find that he needs to be rescued, just whisk him away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the question from "Innocent Bystander" about an argument that ensued after a person yelled at another passenger talking on the train, the story doesn't mention whether this was a commuter train, but I suppose it doesn't really matter.

In my opinion, the woman across the aisle was the one at fault -- she was very rude and self-centered. The woman on the phone was causing no more disturbance than a person carrying on a conversation with someone sitting next to her. Would she have been asked to stop that? We do not exist on this planet alone; other people have rights, too. Maybe this was a busy woman who was taking her free time to talk with a friend or family member she had not had time to get in touch with before. We need to mind our own business and be more tolerant of other people. -- Tolerant, Cleburne, Texas

DEAR TOLERANT: I agree that trying to teach somebody a lesson by yelling does not usually work. Unfortunately, many things on trains, out in the public, etc., are annoying. One way to not escalate annoying behavior is to ignore it.