DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a small business owner on a very exciting project. I was clear about my role, and I even got it defined in writing -- I have learned that small vendors often try to get people to do more than they are contracted to do. Sure enough, that's what is happening now. Twice already I have been asked to pitch in at the last minute and help out with responsibilities that are not in my purview and for which I am not being paid.

I hate to sound like I will work only for money, but I do not have time to get sucked into extra duties without pay. I am a freelancer, and I need to work on getting more clients rather than extending my duties beyond what was agreed originally. Do you think I am being stingy with my time? -- Making Boundaries, Shreveport, La.

DEAR MAKING BOUNDARIES: It is very important to create boundaries about roles and responsibilities in business. When you put these details in writing and review them with your clients, you create a better chance of remaining clear as the project gets underway. In some instances, it makes sense to pitch in and do more. Many projects start in a particular way, and additional needs are discovered as time goes on.

That does not mean, however, that you are beholden to fulfill them. What you can do is renegotiate your contract. Or you can put your foot down and say that you are available only to do what is outlined in your agreement. Sometimes stepping away from extra roles is required for an employer to realize that he or she is attempting to squeeze more out of a relationship than is appropriate.

Be kind and be clear. This will allow your employer to evaluate what the needs are and how he or she intends to fulfill them moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to "Stressing About Summer," the teen interested in simultaneously mitigating the tension between her and her father and experiencing an "amazing summer," lacked an obvious way to accomplish both: volunteer work. Every community has opportunities to help others. The teen should consider volunteering at a homeless shelter, working at a food pantry or preparing food packets for charities such as Feed My Starving Children. As another example, almost every community has opportunities to help senior citizens. Everything you do for them brightens their eyes, including playing an instrument, bringing in a pet, playing bingo, sharing treats, engaging in conversation or working with event coordinators on special events. Another suggestion is to contact groups that coordinate children's activities -- scouting programs, day camps or children's church schools.

The opportunities to help others are endless. If you don't know where to go to locate the people in need, contact the city or county, a school or a church. This can help the teen with the relationship with her dad and will provide her with many hours of heartwarming joy, leading to an amazing summer and memories to last a lifetime. -- Helpful, Washington, D.C.

DEAR HELPFUL: Volunteering is great on so many levels. Thank you for the reminder!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and I are hosting lunch at our house in celebration of my high school graduation. It is mostly a family gathering with the exception of a handful of friends, which includes a young man who is not just a friend. I'd like to introduce him to everyone just as I would any of my girlfriends, but what I do not want is for my family to gang up on him or interrogate him. I'm afraid of this because my family is forward and they will want to know if he's my boyfriend and every little detail about him. It's important to me that he be there, and he wants to be present. Is there any way I can deflect attention away from him and keep things light? It's a joyous occasion, and I do not want him to be put on the spot. -- Fierce Family, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR FIERCE FAMILY: Your family will want to get to know any young man you bring to the house. It is only natural. You can prepare him by letting him know that they are inquisitive. He should be ready to talk about himself, his plans for his education and his life. He should also be ready to say what his relationship is to you. That may mean that you two need to be clear about it. If you are dating, you can say so. If you recently met and are getting to know each other, you can say that. Yes, it can feel awkward to have to answer to family members who are curious, but it is to be expected.

Meanwhile, you can prepare your family by telling them that a nice young man will be coming to the party. Tell them something about him that can serve as an icebreaker. And ask them to be nice to him. If, during the event, you find that he needs to be rescued, just whisk him away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the question from "Innocent Bystander" about an argument that ensued after a person yelled at another passenger talking on the train, the story doesn't mention whether this was a commuter train, but I suppose it doesn't really matter.

In my opinion, the woman across the aisle was the one at fault -- she was very rude and self-centered. The woman on the phone was causing no more disturbance than a person carrying on a conversation with someone sitting next to her. Would she have been asked to stop that? We do not exist on this planet alone; other people have rights, too. Maybe this was a busy woman who was taking her free time to talk with a friend or family member she had not had time to get in touch with before. We need to mind our own business and be more tolerant of other people. -- Tolerant, Cleburne, Texas

DEAR TOLERANT: I agree that trying to teach somebody a lesson by yelling does not usually work. Unfortunately, many things on trains, out in the public, etc., are annoying. One way to not escalate annoying behavior is to ignore it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a part of the leadership team at my church, and I feel like we are not communicating within each department as well as we should. Recently, there was a situation where a department head was in the hospital for about two weeks. We all assumed that he went on vacation to celebrate his wedding anniversary. That was not the case; however, we heard the news of his hospitalization secondhand. We should have known about this situation earlier so we could have visited him. Information is not being disseminated properly, and this can create problems in the future. If you can offer some advice on this situation, it would be greatly appreciated. -- Come Together, New York City

DEAR COME TOGETHER: I trust that you apologized to the church leader who was in the hospital for not visiting him earlier. Closing the loop, especially when you have not handled something well, is critical to cultivating good relationships.

It is also important to establish systems of communication. At many churches there are specific departments that handle alerting the head pastor and congregation about what's happening in the church community -- from acknowledging and praying for the infirm to celebrating successes. Similarly, it is wise for the leadership team to divide up responsibilities so that each key area of the church is covered. If you have weekly meetings where you provide updates, you can stay abreast of everything.

I wonder, too, who is in charge of the whole church. When the main pastor or church head is well-organized, it provides a structure for the rest to follow, and it is easier to keep the lines of communication open. Someone needs to inspire and motivate the group to share pertinent facts in a timely manner. If the top leader is not doing that right now, perhaps someone who knows how to implement such a system can make suggestions to him about how to upgrade the way in which you all interact.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to thank you for mentioning yoga as a way to fall asleep. I live and teach yoga in Mississippi, where many people don't know about yoga and are not familiar with what a well-trained teacher can offer to improve well-being beyond the exercise part. Thanks for planting the seed. -- Yogi Seeking Students, Ridgeland, Miss.

DEAR YOGI SEEKING STUDENTS: I have been practicing yoga for more than 20 years. For those who do not know, not only can you reap amazing physical benefits, but you reap spiritual benefits as well. The word "yoga" means "to unite" in Sanskrit. The Eastern foundational meaning of yoga is for the mind, the body and the spirit to be in alignment with one another. When that happens, the benefits one can receive are profound. They include peacefulness, grounding and focus. When you feel at ease in your own skin, it becomes easier to accept others for who they are.