DEAR HARRIETTE: Within the realm of high school hierarchy, groups of girls micro-divide faster than bacteria undergoing meiosis. I think it is very silly that by the end of senior year drama can still shake friendships to a cataclysmic extent. I do not understand why people still get hung up on the smallest thing. However, every time I voice that we should be better than this fight or that argument, I risk becoming a social pariah. Now, to fear my own ostracism after placing myself above drama seems, frankly, quite hypocritical.

How can I carry on ignoring that which I find immature if I fear its same reverberations? -- Hypocrite, Albany, N.Y.

DEAR HYPOCRITE: It is the little things that make all the difference in life. What may seem petty or unbelievably unimportant to you may seem terribly difficult or painful for someone else. It is also true that the people you care about the most are the ones who can most easily hurt your feelings, precisely because you care about them.

There is little you can do to change your friends' reactions. What you can do that is not hypocritical is to demonstrate uplifting, friendly, respectful behavior. Stop pointing out the pettiness that you believe defines their actions. Instead, behave in the way that you would like for them to behave. Be a good friend. Be thoughtful. Do not talk about others. Keep good company.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the costume assistant for my school play, and the costume head is juggling a lot. Many times I have offered my assistance as well as some possible solutions to the problems she was having, but she is resistant to my help. I ask her constantly if she has anything for me to do, and she just stares at me blankly. She generally seems flustered, and the wardrobe room is a mess. The actors cannot find their costumes. It is a bad situation. How do I try to be helpful without making her feel as though I am stepping on her toes? -- Helping the Juggler, Chicago

DEAR HELPING THE JUGGLER: The best way for you to support the work at hand and not seem to be trying to usurp her power is to pay close attention and constantly evaluate what needs to be completed. Keep a running list of the challenges, and at the end of each day, show her what you have noticed needs attention and make recommendations for how to handle things. Ask for her input.

When she is feeling overwhelmed, the general question of what you can do to help is likely impossible for her to answer. The question is too big. Instead, make suggestions such as how to organize the wardrobe room. Indeed, you could probably go ahead and organize it so that things are in their place. If she doesn't like what you have done, she will surely suggest adjustments. As questions come up from the cast or other people that you do not have the authority to answer, write them down and provide her with the list of questions. Let her know that you are happy to share her responses with those individuals or just turn it over to her. In other words, be actively helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter, "Katie," has an acquaintance, "Tori," whom she has known since kindergarten. In the past, they really haven't been that close and talked only occasionally. In fifth grade, Tori moved to another school. Recently, we found out that Tori would be returning to the school that my daughter attends for eighth grade. Since that time, Tori has been calling incessantly and driving Katie crazy. She will continue to call even when I tell her that Katie is not home. It's to the point that we have to unplug our phone to make it stop.

My fear is that once Katie and Tori are at the same school, this behavior will carry over and my daughter will say or do something out of frustration to hurt Tori's feelings. Tori doesn't have a lot of friends and is socially backward. I believe she is doing this to make sure she will have at least one friend when she starts school, but she is pushing Katie away. I have always taught Katie to be kind and thoughtful of others, but I can understand why Tori is making her crazy. What should we do in this situation? -- Confused and Annoyed, Kalamazoo, Mich.

DEAR CONFUSED AND ANNOYED: It is time for you to reach out to Tori's mother. Tell her what has been happening, and express your concerns about the incessant calls. Make it clear to Tori's mother that your daughter has no interest in hurting her daughter's feelings, but that Tori's approach is suffocating.

Your daughter can also speak up for herself. She can tell Tori that she is happy that she is returning to the school and that she looks forward to seeing her, but that she needs Tori to back off a bit. You may want to host Tori and her mother at your home one afternoon over the summer so that you can all be together and, if necessary, you can neutralize the situation by telling the girls that you hope that they will have a good year and that each needs her own space.

Finally, when school starts, pay close attention. If your daughter ends up needing the support of her teacher or guidance counselor, help her step up and get it. Further, if the school has more than one class per grade, you may want to speak to the principal to find out if the two girls can be in different classes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding "Penniless" the young man who quit his job and can't find another, the armed forces are always hiring. -- Looking for Options, St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR LOOKING FOR OPTIONS: It is absolutely true that the armed forces are looking for capable people to fill their ranks. This is a good idea. You can also get a great education through the military. However, not everyone is automatically accepted. Do your research and find out what the qualifications are for the different arms of the military, and, if you are interested, apply. To learn more, Google "how to join the military."

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a control problem. I have an active role in my community, and it is my responsibility to coordinate different events to make things happen. At times when I have other stuff going on, it becomes very stressful because I feel compelled to handle every detail on my own. I know that, as a leader, it is important to be able to trustfully delegate tasks, but I have had people disappoint me in the past, and I am not comfortable placing responsibility on someone else's shoulders. Still, I feel as though doing everything on my own is creating stress levels that are unhealthy and unnecessary. It is extremely inefficient for me to do everything, and I am doing half as much as needs to be done in twice as long, with less perfection. I am aware that I need assistance, but I do not know how to go about finding helpers I can rely on to do a good job. And though I hate to admit it, I am almost too proud to even ask. -- Control Freak, Flushing, N.Y.

DEAR CONTROL FREAK: Take a deep breath and evaluate what needs to get done. Now is the time to swallow your pride and consider how you can effectively meet the demands on your time and fulfill your responsibilities. Guess what? You already know that you need help. Now you must open your eyes, write out a specific list of the tasks that are left to be handled and invite others to support you in taking on those duties. When you delegate with specificity, you create a better opportunity for people to succeed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I am a compulsive eater. It hasn't become a problem yet because I am relatively thin, but I know I am headed into the days of a slow metabolism and increasingly unhealthy food. I am not exaggerating -- sometimes I go home and I will sit and eat past the point of comfort. I have no idea why, but sometimes I will even put off doing necessary tasks because I want to eat instead. I am really scared that it is going to get worse unless I control myself, but I don't know where to start. The only times I feel like I am not overeating are times when I am not around food. Is this stemming from some deeply rooted psychological disturbance, or is it all in my head? -- I Am Not Even Hungry, Milton, Miss.

DEAR I AM NOT EVEN HUNGRY: I am curious as to what else is going on in your life. Compulsive eating typically masks other problems, as you currently imagine. Compulsive eating disorder is considered one of the main food disorders, and it can be incredibly difficult to stop.

The good news is that you already recognize you are suffering with compulsive eating. Schedule an appointment with your internist and ask for help. Begin an exercise program that will empower you and distract you from dangerous behavior. Decide to eat in a healthy manner, and shop accordingly. Most of all, get help. For more information on this topic, go to helpguide.org/mental/binge_eating_disorder.htm.