DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter, "Katie," has an acquaintance, "Tori," whom she has known since kindergarten. In the past, they really haven't been that close and talked only occasionally. In fifth grade, Tori moved to another school. Recently, we found out that Tori would be returning to the school that my daughter attends for eighth grade. Since that time, Tori has been calling incessantly and driving Katie crazy. She will continue to call even when I tell her that Katie is not home. It's to the point that we have to unplug our phone to make it stop.

My fear is that once Katie and Tori are at the same school, this behavior will carry over and my daughter will say or do something out of frustration to hurt Tori's feelings. Tori doesn't have a lot of friends and is socially backward. I believe she is doing this to make sure she will have at least one friend when she starts school, but she is pushing Katie away. I have always taught Katie to be kind and thoughtful of others, but I can understand why Tori is making her crazy. What should we do in this situation? -- Confused and Annoyed, Kalamazoo, Mich.

DEAR CONFUSED AND ANNOYED: It is time for you to reach out to Tori's mother. Tell her what has been happening, and express your concerns about the incessant calls. Make it clear to Tori's mother that your daughter has no interest in hurting her daughter's feelings, but that Tori's approach is suffocating.

Your daughter can also speak up for herself. She can tell Tori that she is happy that she is returning to the school and that she looks forward to seeing her, but that she needs Tori to back off a bit. You may want to host Tori and her mother at your home one afternoon over the summer so that you can all be together and, if necessary, you can neutralize the situation by telling the girls that you hope that they will have a good year and that each needs her own space.

Finally, when school starts, pay close attention. If your daughter ends up needing the support of her teacher or guidance counselor, help her step up and get it. Further, if the school has more than one class per grade, you may want to speak to the principal to find out if the two girls can be in different classes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding "Penniless" the young man who quit his job and can't find another, the armed forces are always hiring. -- Looking for Options, St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR LOOKING FOR OPTIONS: It is absolutely true that the armed forces are looking for capable people to fill their ranks. This is a good idea. You can also get a great education through the military. However, not everyone is automatically accepted. Do your research and find out what the qualifications are for the different arms of the military, and, if you are interested, apply. To learn more, Google "how to join the military."

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a control problem. I have an active role in my community, and it is my responsibility to coordinate different events to make things happen. At times when I have other stuff going on, it becomes very stressful because I feel compelled to handle every detail on my own. I know that, as a leader, it is important to be able to trustfully delegate tasks, but I have had people disappoint me in the past, and I am not comfortable placing responsibility on someone else's shoulders. Still, I feel as though doing everything on my own is creating stress levels that are unhealthy and unnecessary. It is extremely inefficient for me to do everything, and I am doing half as much as needs to be done in twice as long, with less perfection. I am aware that I need assistance, but I do not know how to go about finding helpers I can rely on to do a good job. And though I hate to admit it, I am almost too proud to even ask. -- Control Freak, Flushing, N.Y.

DEAR CONTROL FREAK: Take a deep breath and evaluate what needs to get done. Now is the time to swallow your pride and consider how you can effectively meet the demands on your time and fulfill your responsibilities. Guess what? You already know that you need help. Now you must open your eyes, write out a specific list of the tasks that are left to be handled and invite others to support you in taking on those duties. When you delegate with specificity, you create a better opportunity for people to succeed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I am a compulsive eater. It hasn't become a problem yet because I am relatively thin, but I know I am headed into the days of a slow metabolism and increasingly unhealthy food. I am not exaggerating -- sometimes I go home and I will sit and eat past the point of comfort. I have no idea why, but sometimes I will even put off doing necessary tasks because I want to eat instead. I am really scared that it is going to get worse unless I control myself, but I don't know where to start. The only times I feel like I am not overeating are times when I am not around food. Is this stemming from some deeply rooted psychological disturbance, or is it all in my head? -- I Am Not Even Hungry, Milton, Miss.

DEAR I AM NOT EVEN HUNGRY: I am curious as to what else is going on in your life. Compulsive eating typically masks other problems, as you currently imagine. Compulsive eating disorder is considered one of the main food disorders, and it can be incredibly difficult to stop.

The good news is that you already recognize you are suffering with compulsive eating. Schedule an appointment with your internist and ask for help. Begin an exercise program that will empower you and distract you from dangerous behavior. Decide to eat in a healthy manner, and shop accordingly. Most of all, get help. For more information on this topic, go to helpguide.org/mental/binge_eating_disorder.htm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday my cousin called me to ask if the dress she wanted to order for an interview was worth the money. I looked at the dress, and it was good for an interview -- it was professional. At the same time, I would not have bought it, and I told her that for me it wasn't special. It was not memorable. She explained that being remembered by your attire is not her goal, and that she just wanted to look professional. I told her I believed it was important to be remembered by your appearance as well as your interview because it adds to your complete package. Am I wrong to think that? -- Total Package, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TOTAL PACKAGE: I'm with you! I believe that everything about your first impression is important, from how you look to what you have to say. Your style of dress should not be flashy, but it should make a statement about who you are. It should not break your bank, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading the column where the young girl who just graduated from college wants to explore options while her mother wants her to go straight to grad school. That girl may be able to satisfy both herself and her mother.

Just because you apply to grad school does not mean you are accepted right away. There are usually hundreds of applicants for just a few dozen openings each semester. My daughter graduated magna cum laude from a large university. She applied to 15 universities in a five-state area and was not accepted to any of them. So she will continue her part-time job and volunteer at a clinic at which she one day hopes to be employed when she gets her master's degree. And each semester she will continue to apply to grad school.

So, you see, that young lady may still be able to explore the world, but she can also apply to grad school to make her mother happy. Just because she applies does not mean she is accepted. -- Practical Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PRACTICAL MOM: You are right that not every excellent student gets accepted to graduate school simply because he or she applied. When one is rejected, as your daughter was, it is important to remember that she is still highly valued. Your daughter is lucky to have you to remind her of her current successes and her promise for the future.

That said, I think it is important for a potential student to be clear that it is possible to be selected on the first go-round. At that time, you would need to think carefully about whether you intend to go to school in the year that you are accepted or if you want to request a deferral. Not all schools allow deferrals, but it is worth researching so that you have a sense of what your options are. Being responsible and ready to make a decision is key to success in every situation.