DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a control problem. I have an active role in my community, and it is my responsibility to coordinate different events to make things happen. At times when I have other stuff going on, it becomes very stressful because I feel compelled to handle every detail on my own. I know that, as a leader, it is important to be able to trustfully delegate tasks, but I have had people disappoint me in the past, and I am not comfortable placing responsibility on someone else's shoulders. Still, I feel as though doing everything on my own is creating stress levels that are unhealthy and unnecessary. It is extremely inefficient for me to do everything, and I am doing half as much as needs to be done in twice as long, with less perfection. I am aware that I need assistance, but I do not know how to go about finding helpers I can rely on to do a good job. And though I hate to admit it, I am almost too proud to even ask. -- Control Freak, Flushing, N.Y.

DEAR CONTROL FREAK: Take a deep breath and evaluate what needs to get done. Now is the time to swallow your pride and consider how you can effectively meet the demands on your time and fulfill your responsibilities. Guess what? You already know that you need help. Now you must open your eyes, write out a specific list of the tasks that are left to be handled and invite others to support you in taking on those duties. When you delegate with specificity, you create a better opportunity for people to succeed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I am a compulsive eater. It hasn't become a problem yet because I am relatively thin, but I know I am headed into the days of a slow metabolism and increasingly unhealthy food. I am not exaggerating -- sometimes I go home and I will sit and eat past the point of comfort. I have no idea why, but sometimes I will even put off doing necessary tasks because I want to eat instead. I am really scared that it is going to get worse unless I control myself, but I don't know where to start. The only times I feel like I am not overeating are times when I am not around food. Is this stemming from some deeply rooted psychological disturbance, or is it all in my head? -- I Am Not Even Hungry, Milton, Miss.

DEAR I AM NOT EVEN HUNGRY: I am curious as to what else is going on in your life. Compulsive eating typically masks other problems, as you currently imagine. Compulsive eating disorder is considered one of the main food disorders, and it can be incredibly difficult to stop.

The good news is that you already recognize you are suffering with compulsive eating. Schedule an appointment with your internist and ask for help. Begin an exercise program that will empower you and distract you from dangerous behavior. Decide to eat in a healthy manner, and shop accordingly. Most of all, get help. For more information on this topic, go to helpguide.org/mental/binge_eating_disorder.htm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday my cousin called me to ask if the dress she wanted to order for an interview was worth the money. I looked at the dress, and it was good for an interview -- it was professional. At the same time, I would not have bought it, and I told her that for me it wasn't special. It was not memorable. She explained that being remembered by your attire is not her goal, and that she just wanted to look professional. I told her I believed it was important to be remembered by your appearance as well as your interview because it adds to your complete package. Am I wrong to think that? -- Total Package, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TOTAL PACKAGE: I'm with you! I believe that everything about your first impression is important, from how you look to what you have to say. Your style of dress should not be flashy, but it should make a statement about who you are. It should not break your bank, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading the column where the young girl who just graduated from college wants to explore options while her mother wants her to go straight to grad school. That girl may be able to satisfy both herself and her mother.

Just because you apply to grad school does not mean you are accepted right away. There are usually hundreds of applicants for just a few dozen openings each semester. My daughter graduated magna cum laude from a large university. She applied to 15 universities in a five-state area and was not accepted to any of them. So she will continue her part-time job and volunteer at a clinic at which she one day hopes to be employed when she gets her master's degree. And each semester she will continue to apply to grad school.

So, you see, that young lady may still be able to explore the world, but she can also apply to grad school to make her mother happy. Just because she applies does not mean she is accepted. -- Practical Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PRACTICAL MOM: You are right that not every excellent student gets accepted to graduate school simply because he or she applied. When one is rejected, as your daughter was, it is important to remember that she is still highly valued. Your daughter is lucky to have you to remind her of her current successes and her promise for the future.

That said, I think it is important for a potential student to be clear that it is possible to be selected on the first go-round. At that time, you would need to think carefully about whether you intend to go to school in the year that you are accepted or if you want to request a deferral. Not all schools allow deferrals, but it is worth researching so that you have a sense of what your options are. Being responsible and ready to make a decision is key to success in every situation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad set up a meeting with a girl who is also going to my college so that we could make a friend before school starts. The girl is the daughter of his friend's friend, and her mother was insistent on arranging a meet-up. I was happy to agree, but I realized upon our introduction that the girl in question is not someone I am likely to be friends with in the future. I do not mean to sound shallow -- she was sweet and all -- but in truth, we are very different types of people. Still, her mom was concerned about her going into school without anyone, so I feel a certain responsibility. I would never be mean to someone or ignore someone because of our differences, so I will obviously be kind to her and be a helping hand when she needs one, but I am nervous that I might be tied up in a friendship that is forced. Is it silly to be stressed about something like this? -- Fallacious Friend, Racine, Wis.

DEAR FALLACIOUS FRIEND: It was kind of your father and the girl's mother to make the effort to put the two of you together. I am certain that you two will look out for each other to a certain extent. What you do not need to do is believe that you are responsible for each other. You do not have to become her friend. What would be great is for you to keep an eye out for her and check in from time to time.

If you are worried that she is going to try to shadow you, set limits for how frequently you interact. Take the time to establish your own personal relationships at school. Do not reveal your class schedule to her to avoid her trying to mimic it. Be mindful of her as you create boundaries for how much she can be in your daily life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Often, I find that I have food stuck in my teeth after a meal. I actually think it happens more often when I am at a restaurant, which brings me to a very pressing matter: What is the etiquette for getting food out of your teeth in public? It sounds silly, but I would rather not continue to smile or chat while I have lettuce in my gums. I would never raise a hand at a dinner table and start picking at my teeth, but leaving the table to go to the restroom seems excessive. What if I actually need to use the restroom, and then I come back and get food in my teeth? I would have to leave again! I see no polite way for getting out the food! -- Stuck, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR STUCK: If it is easy to dislodge the food with your tongue, you can hold your napkin up to your mouth and quickly move it. You can take a big sip of water and swish it around momentarily to see if the food will move. If these measures fail, go to the restroom. There is nothing wrong with going to the restroom more than once!