DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad set up a meeting with a girl who is also going to my college so that we could make a friend before school starts. The girl is the daughter of his friend's friend, and her mother was insistent on arranging a meet-up. I was happy to agree, but I realized upon our introduction that the girl in question is not someone I am likely to be friends with in the future. I do not mean to sound shallow -- she was sweet and all -- but in truth, we are very different types of people. Still, her mom was concerned about her going into school without anyone, so I feel a certain responsibility. I would never be mean to someone or ignore someone because of our differences, so I will obviously be kind to her and be a helping hand when she needs one, but I am nervous that I might be tied up in a friendship that is forced. Is it silly to be stressed about something like this? -- Fallacious Friend, Racine, Wis.

DEAR FALLACIOUS FRIEND: It was kind of your father and the girl's mother to make the effort to put the two of you together. I am certain that you two will look out for each other to a certain extent. What you do not need to do is believe that you are responsible for each other. You do not have to become her friend. What would be great is for you to keep an eye out for her and check in from time to time.

If you are worried that she is going to try to shadow you, set limits for how frequently you interact. Take the time to establish your own personal relationships at school. Do not reveal your class schedule to her to avoid her trying to mimic it. Be mindful of her as you create boundaries for how much she can be in your daily life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Often, I find that I have food stuck in my teeth after a meal. I actually think it happens more often when I am at a restaurant, which brings me to a very pressing matter: What is the etiquette for getting food out of your teeth in public? It sounds silly, but I would rather not continue to smile or chat while I have lettuce in my gums. I would never raise a hand at a dinner table and start picking at my teeth, but leaving the table to go to the restroom seems excessive. What if I actually need to use the restroom, and then I come back and get food in my teeth? I would have to leave again! I see no polite way for getting out the food! -- Stuck, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR STUCK: If it is easy to dislodge the food with your tongue, you can hold your napkin up to your mouth and quickly move it. You can take a big sip of water and swish it around momentarily to see if the food will move. If these measures fail, go to the restroom. There is nothing wrong with going to the restroom more than once!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday is at the end of June, and I'd like to go to a concert with my friends. The trouble is that none of my friends are friends, and some of the friends I'd like to be there do not necessarily listen to the music that will be played at the concert. Also, I am dating someone, and I'd like for him to be there. There is a lot of room for awkwardness, and I do not want to worry about trying to make things mesh. My last-resort option would be to have dinner with my friends so I can moderate the situation should there be awkwardness, and just go to the concert with a selective group of people. I don't want people to be offended. What should I do? -- Keeping the Peace, Saginaw, Mich.

DEAR KEEPING THE PEACE: Think about your birthday wishes and which friends would enjoy helping you fulfill specific desires. Then, invite the people to the concert who would enjoy it. And invite the people to dinner who would enjoy that. Do not fear blending your friends. Instead of anticipating awkwardness, think of the similarities between your friends and create an ice-breaking activity at the dinner where you share fun facts about yourselves, or even everyone's relationship to you, as a way of starting the conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How does one politely ask for money as her No. 1 desire as a graduation gift? Ultimately, I want to be able to divide up my money and assign it toward specific things. I am a bit picky with gifts because I do not want a gift to collect dust if I do not like it -- I don't really want people trying to outfit my dorm room, for example. I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. -- Gift Strategist, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR GIFT STRATEGIST: This is where your parents come in. If they are hosting a party for you or otherwise informing your loved ones of your graduation, they can tell people that you would appreciate money as you plan to go to college. They can gently explain that you have big plans for your dorm room and would be grateful to have support in executing your plan.

If you are asked directly what you would like as a graduation gift, you can say that you hope people will give you money toward your college kitty. I would not say that you are deciding on the big gift you want to buy yourself or that you may not like their gift. (I realize you would not say that, but in case anyone thinks that is a good idea, it is not.)

I recommend further that you think expansively about what you might want to spend money on for your graduation. As you head off to college, I encourage you to consider investing some part of whatever money you do receive in a long-term savings instrument. Saving may be the best gift you could ever give yourself, even if it does not seem sexy now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have not been in contact with a friend of my family for about three years until recently, when we bumped into each other at an off-Broadway play. When the play was over, we met in the lobby to talk and exchange our new phone numbers. Before we departed, she asked about my mother, and I did not know how to respond. It has been two years since my mother's passing, and I felt that it was not an appropriate place or time to talk about it. In addition, I have run into people who are not aware of my mother's death, and I am having a hard time telling them. How should I inform my family friend? -- At a Loss for Words, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR AT A LOSS FOR WORDS: First, please know that grief can last a long time. It may feel like opening a wound to relive your mother's last days. You were right not to reveal your mother's passing after the play, especially because you would have had to manage your friend's reaction as well as your own.

I recommend that you reach out to your friend. Call her and tell her that you have some news to share with her. Ask her if she has time to talk. If so, let her know about your mother. She may want to ask you questions. Decide in advance how much you want to talk about her death. If you are uncomfortable about going into detail, say that. Tell her you wanted her to know but it is still too painful for you to talk about.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a very large family with seven kids. I am the baby, and I'm about to graduate from high school. During the year, when my siblings are away at school, I get used to being an only child. I am accustomed to having the house to myself and doing my own thing. Now that everyone is home, I am overwhelmed by how busy the house has become. It's not that I don't love my family, I just don't love being around all of them all the time. I tend to leave after breakfast and come back for bed. I tell my parents where I am going, and if they need me for something I am there, but I tend to stay away.

Now, though, everyone is upset that I'm MIA. I just don't understand why I need to be around if we're not even spending time together. I would be happy to be there if there was a family bonding session or something, but it's really just a million bodies on their own frequencies, and I prefer not to be there. Why are they upset with me? -- I Like to be Lonely, Armonk, N.Y.

DEAR I LIKE TO BE LONELY: Sometimes just knowing that your loved ones are close by warms your heart. That is likely what your siblings and parents experience when everybody comes home. Because you are at home and feel crowded, you do not share the sentimental experience that they have. Why not split the difference and spend half your time at home, even if you are in your room? Show your face on occasion and participate when there is a family activity.