DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and I had a huge argument about how I raise my children. I have not spoken to her in about five years. My husband and I live only 5 miles from my parents' home. I talk to my dad every day, and we actually go to my parents' house to visit with them every other weekend. Mother and I refuse to talk to each other, and I would like to make peace with her. My mother was not around when I was child, and I have a hard time listening to suggestions about raising children from someone who was not there for her own child. -- Brittle, Chicago

DEAR BRITTLE: What you must do in order to heal is forgive your mother. Reach out and tell her that you want to build a relationship with her. Tell her that you forgive her for not being there when you were a child. Thank her for welcoming your family to her home so frequently. Ask her if she is willing to start over with you. Be crystal clear that you do not want her to parent your children; you want her to be your mother.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It occurs to me that the "stalker" in Queens, N.Y., may be interested in becoming "friends" with the gentleman's niece rather than the man himself. In light of the recent discoveries in Cleveland, I think he should definitely report this person to the police. He sounds dangerous to me, or at least unbalanced. It's also possible that he is a child molester, or worse. -- Concerned Great-grandma, Bossier City, La.

DEAR CONCERNED GREAT-GRANDMA: As I wrote earlier, I completely agree with you that he should report this "stalker" to the police. You never know what he is capable of. It is possible that he is simply lonely and desiring a friend. But, as you point out, in these days and times, especially considering the tragic story of the three young women who were kidnapped and held hostage for more than 10 years, we must be vigilant when it comes to protecting children's safety.

We need to reignite the sense of community that existed a generation or so ago. I remember when I was growing up, my mother used to always say that she had eyes in the back of her head. I realized at some point that those eyes belonged to the neighbors, teachers, shop owners -- all the people who touched our lives in one way or another. We all looked out for one another. When my sisters or I did something wrong, we were guaranteed to hear about it, not just from our parents, but also from others who had either witnessed or heard of the incident. Plus, they would call ahead and let my mother know. Same went for safety. Parents looked out for the children in the neighborhood, not just their own children.

We desperately need to re-establish that sense of community to help turn the tide against violent crimes and nurture and protect those vulnerable members of our communities who most need to be taken under someone's wing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Does it pay to be a good Samaritan? Last week on my way to work, I saw a gentleman leave his parked SUV unattended with the engine running, driver's side door open and the windows down. I was amazed that anyone would leave his vehicle unattended in New York City. I stood near the vehicle for about 10 minutes, waiting until the owner returned to his car. The gentleman gave me a slightly confused look -- he did not expect anyone to watch his vehicle. I told him that he should not leave his SUV unattended with the engine running. The man gave me the middle finger and drove off. What I thought was a good deed backfired on me. What should I have done? -- Do-gooder, New York City

DEAR DO-GOODER: What I have learned is that when you do a good deed, you must do it with no desire for something in return. You just do the good thing because it is the right thing to do. It was extremely thoughtful of you to stand near this man's car to protect it from being stolen.

Who knows what this man had in mind? He may have wanted the car to be stolen. He may have been so absent-minded that it did not occur to him that he had left the car on and unattended. Clearly, he made an unwise decision -- for many reasons. In a big city, leaving a car unattended and running is foolish. It is also environmentally unsound. This man may have been embarrassed to be found out to be as unconscious as he was.

As far as you are concerned, stating the obvious -- that the man should not leave his car unattended -- was unnecessary. But I would chalk up his bad manners to his overall unaware state. You did good!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have thoughts on the overactive 6-year-old boy whose mother wrote to you. It may not be medication or lack of exercise that is his problem. Check what he is eating. My nephew's son, a first-grader, developed allergies to certain food dyes. Blue gives him headaches. Red, yellow and orange make him hyper. Many breakfast cereals contain these dyes. Read labels and try avoiding these dyes for a short time. It can't hurt, and it might even help. -- Hypervigilant, Racine, Wis.

DEAR HYPERVIGILANT: Thank you for this additional consideration. Recently, I met a young boy whose mother said he cannot eat or drink anything that has food dye in it because it upsets his system.

What parents should do is consult with their pediatricians in detail to learn what options are available for overactive children. Find a doctor who is conservative when it comes to prescribing mood-altering drugs. Often there are less-aggressive options to help children be healthy and at ease in their bodies.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I quit the part-time job I'd had for about three months because I hated it. I have not been able to find another job. Because I quit, I am not receiving unemployment checks. I have been asking around in my neighborhood to see if anyone needs help with odd jobs, but so far, nothing. What can I do? My parents are helping me right now, but that won't last for long. -- Penniless, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR PENNILESS: For the record, I want to tell you that in the future it is wise to find a job before you quit a job. That is especially true in this fragile economic environment. It is wise to think through your life and figure out a strategy that you then implement.

What you need to do now is map out a strategy. What would you like to do for your work in the long term? What do you know how to do that could be offered in a temporary capacity? Research temp agencies to see if there is one that caters to your skills. Also consider going back to school. If you truly are indigent, you may be able to get financial aid to help pay your fees while you shore up your skills to help you become more marketable.

Finally, ask your parents to help you out for a few more months until you can get on your feet. Offer to do extra work around the house to help out as much as you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sent a special evening dress to the cleaners near my job because it was recommended as an establishment that knows how to clean the material of my dress. When I showed it to them, they agreed that they could do it. When the dress came back, it had shrunk and the color had run. I was outraged. They offered to pay for the dress, which is all well and good, but I cannot get another. It was worth far more to me than the amount that I spent on it. What can I do to feel better about this situation? -- Ripped Clean, Bay City, Mich.

DEAR RIPPED CLEAN: Talk to the manager or owner of the cleaners and express your distress at the loss of the dress. Explain the sentimental value. Perhaps you can ask for a higher price than the amount you paid. But it is important for you to know that sentimental value is hard to equate to dollars and cents. Since you did not clarify a value higher than the cost of the dress before getting it cleaned, it may be difficult to reap a higher amount.

You can speak to the manager about the reputation of the establishment and state that you want them to live up to their reputation by doing right by you at least in terms of compensation. Otherwise, you will take your business elsewhere and tell your friends to do the same.