DEAR HARRIETTE: I quit the part-time job I'd had for about three months because I hated it. I have not been able to find another job. Because I quit, I am not receiving unemployment checks. I have been asking around in my neighborhood to see if anyone needs help with odd jobs, but so far, nothing. What can I do? My parents are helping me right now, but that won't last for long. -- Penniless, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR PENNILESS: For the record, I want to tell you that in the future it is wise to find a job before you quit a job. That is especially true in this fragile economic environment. It is wise to think through your life and figure out a strategy that you then implement.

What you need to do now is map out a strategy. What would you like to do for your work in the long term? What do you know how to do that could be offered in a temporary capacity? Research temp agencies to see if there is one that caters to your skills. Also consider going back to school. If you truly are indigent, you may be able to get financial aid to help pay your fees while you shore up your skills to help you become more marketable.

Finally, ask your parents to help you out for a few more months until you can get on your feet. Offer to do extra work around the house to help out as much as you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sent a special evening dress to the cleaners near my job because it was recommended as an establishment that knows how to clean the material of my dress. When I showed it to them, they agreed that they could do it. When the dress came back, it had shrunk and the color had run. I was outraged. They offered to pay for the dress, which is all well and good, but I cannot get another. It was worth far more to me than the amount that I spent on it. What can I do to feel better about this situation? -- Ripped Clean, Bay City, Mich.

DEAR RIPPED CLEAN: Talk to the manager or owner of the cleaners and express your distress at the loss of the dress. Explain the sentimental value. Perhaps you can ask for a higher price than the amount you paid. But it is important for you to know that sentimental value is hard to equate to dollars and cents. Since you did not clarify a value higher than the cost of the dress before getting it cleaned, it may be difficult to reap a higher amount.

You can speak to the manager about the reputation of the establishment and state that you want them to live up to their reputation by doing right by you at least in terms of compensation. Otherwise, you will take your business elsewhere and tell your friends to do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather had been really sick for quite some time, and after a recent infection, we knew he was approaching the end. He passed away the night before Mother's Day. I know that it was his time and that he lived a long and fulfilled life, but my mother is taking the death really hard. It troubles me to see her so upset. I expect that she will grow stronger with time, but she is in pieces now. I have been awkward in trying to comfort her because it is a large role reversal. How can I be gentle and sensitive in comforting my mom? -- Out of Sorts, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR OUT OF SORTS: To lose a parent is difficult, even if the parent is old. It may take your mother some time to regain her composure. What you can do is be a great listener. Ask her to tell you stories about her father from when she was young. Share with her some fond memories that you have of interacting with your grandfather. Talk about the joyous experiences that your mother and you both recall. This should bring some joy to your mother as she shifts her thoughts from his passing to great moments in his life.

Yes, it can be very difficult when you find your roles reversing with your mother. This is a natural part of life. Her relationship with her father must have changed as he aged as well. Be as fully present as possible. Do not feel that you have to solve anything for your mother, though. Just be there to love and support her. Ask her if there is anything in particular that you can do to be of help. You may want to look for a bereavement group in your neighborhood that you both can attend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday just passed, and with birthdays come gifts. Though I am appreciative of all that my family and friends have gotten and done for me, there are inevitably some things that I have little use for. I don't have the heart to tell certain people that I do not like their gifts, but I feel bad when I end up donating them later. Is honesty a better policy? My mom, for example, is really sensitive and would take it personally if I said I didn't like what she got me. Should I avoid telling her? -- Gifted, Laredo, Texas

DEAR GIFTED: This is a tricky situation. On the one hand, you do not want to hurt others' feelings. On the other, you do not want to waste their money. I vote for not donating gifts from people whose feelings will be hurt.

Next year, why not make the request that people not give you gifts? If they want to give anything, ask that they make a donation in your name to your favorite charity. You can make a big deal of the idea of giving to those in need in honor of the day of your birth. This is a wonderful way to use loving resources wisely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: On the train, there was a woman talking away on her phone. I was sitting a few seats behind her, and I could hear her, but not what she was saying. She was not disturbing me. The woman sitting across from her was irritated and became hostile very quickly. She asked the woman when she was going to get off the phone, and the woman on the phone did not take this well. As she got off the phone, it escalated. Words were thrown back and forth -- comments such as, "Why are you screaming on this crowded train? Calm down, lady!" "I'm screaming because you have no sense of common decency!" "You're crazy!" "Do you want to try me?" "I'm crazy? You're crazy!" It got heated. Should the woman on the phone have entertained the belligerence of her attacker? -- Innocent Bystander, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR INNOCENT BYSTANDER: A lot went wrong during that train ride. For starters, it is difficult for people to talk on the phone in public, confined spaces. For this reason, it is wise not to talk on the phone on a bus or train. If it cannot be avoided, keep your voice low and your conversation short. Essentially, if you consider the people sitting around you as you are talking on the phone, chances are you will be brief. That the woman on the phone did not bother you does not mean that she did not bother others, as evidenced by the woman who got upset.

It would have been better for the phone talker to apologize for disrupting others' peace and leave it at that. It is amazing how effective an apology can be for dissolving pent-up emotions. What she should not have done was add fuel to the fire of her attacker. When people are upset, they rarely behave rationally. Challenging her attacker was a potentially dangerous action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you're sick and you're meeting new and potentially important people? The person extends his hand, but you do not want to pass on your germs or come off as rude. -- Sick and Suffering, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR SICK AND SUFFERING: When you are truly sick, you should stay home and get well. I realize how compelling it can be to go everywhere you are invited, especially if "important" people are there. But if you feel too sick to shake hands, you should keep your hands and body at home.

That said, if you find yourself in a public setting when you are not well, refrain from shaking hands, hugging or kissing other people. Position your body so that it is difficult for others to reach out to touch you. You can simply say that you are feeling under the weather and do not want to pass on your germs.