DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather had been really sick for quite some time, and after a recent infection, we knew he was approaching the end. He passed away the night before Mother's Day. I know that it was his time and that he lived a long and fulfilled life, but my mother is taking the death really hard. It troubles me to see her so upset. I expect that she will grow stronger with time, but she is in pieces now. I have been awkward in trying to comfort her because it is a large role reversal. How can I be gentle and sensitive in comforting my mom? -- Out of Sorts, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR OUT OF SORTS: To lose a parent is difficult, even if the parent is old. It may take your mother some time to regain her composure. What you can do is be a great listener. Ask her to tell you stories about her father from when she was young. Share with her some fond memories that you have of interacting with your grandfather. Talk about the joyous experiences that your mother and you both recall. This should bring some joy to your mother as she shifts her thoughts from his passing to great moments in his life.

Yes, it can be very difficult when you find your roles reversing with your mother. This is a natural part of life. Her relationship with her father must have changed as he aged as well. Be as fully present as possible. Do not feel that you have to solve anything for your mother, though. Just be there to love and support her. Ask her if there is anything in particular that you can do to be of help. You may want to look for a bereavement group in your neighborhood that you both can attend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday just passed, and with birthdays come gifts. Though I am appreciative of all that my family and friends have gotten and done for me, there are inevitably some things that I have little use for. I don't have the heart to tell certain people that I do not like their gifts, but I feel bad when I end up donating them later. Is honesty a better policy? My mom, for example, is really sensitive and would take it personally if I said I didn't like what she got me. Should I avoid telling her? -- Gifted, Laredo, Texas

DEAR GIFTED: This is a tricky situation. On the one hand, you do not want to hurt others' feelings. On the other, you do not want to waste their money. I vote for not donating gifts from people whose feelings will be hurt.

Next year, why not make the request that people not give you gifts? If they want to give anything, ask that they make a donation in your name to your favorite charity. You can make a big deal of the idea of giving to those in need in honor of the day of your birth. This is a wonderful way to use loving resources wisely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: On the train, there was a woman talking away on her phone. I was sitting a few seats behind her, and I could hear her, but not what she was saying. She was not disturbing me. The woman sitting across from her was irritated and became hostile very quickly. She asked the woman when she was going to get off the phone, and the woman on the phone did not take this well. As she got off the phone, it escalated. Words were thrown back and forth -- comments such as, "Why are you screaming on this crowded train? Calm down, lady!" "I'm screaming because you have no sense of common decency!" "You're crazy!" "Do you want to try me?" "I'm crazy? You're crazy!" It got heated. Should the woman on the phone have entertained the belligerence of her attacker? -- Innocent Bystander, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR INNOCENT BYSTANDER: A lot went wrong during that train ride. For starters, it is difficult for people to talk on the phone in public, confined spaces. For this reason, it is wise not to talk on the phone on a bus or train. If it cannot be avoided, keep your voice low and your conversation short. Essentially, if you consider the people sitting around you as you are talking on the phone, chances are you will be brief. That the woman on the phone did not bother you does not mean that she did not bother others, as evidenced by the woman who got upset.

It would have been better for the phone talker to apologize for disrupting others' peace and leave it at that. It is amazing how effective an apology can be for dissolving pent-up emotions. What she should not have done was add fuel to the fire of her attacker. When people are upset, they rarely behave rationally. Challenging her attacker was a potentially dangerous action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you're sick and you're meeting new and potentially important people? The person extends his hand, but you do not want to pass on your germs or come off as rude. -- Sick and Suffering, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR SICK AND SUFFERING: When you are truly sick, you should stay home and get well. I realize how compelling it can be to go everywhere you are invited, especially if "important" people are there. But if you feel too sick to shake hands, you should keep your hands and body at home.

That said, if you find yourself in a public setting when you are not well, refrain from shaking hands, hugging or kissing other people. Position your body so that it is difficult for others to reach out to touch you. You can simply say that you are feeling under the weather and do not want to pass on your germs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine recently lost her boyfriend in a car accident. She has handled the situation as well as one can, but her smiles and pleasant demeanor do not hide the fact that she is hurting. I am unsure of how to interact with her. I am trying to make her feel loved and let her know that I am there for her when she needs me, but I am nervous about making my intentions overtly clear and accidentally causing her to further dwell on her situation. Though we are friends, before the accident we rarely talked or hung out one-on-one. We had been growing apart for a few years, but I really want to be there for her. I do not want her to think that I am coming back into her life only because of the tragedy. I really care about her, and I want her to know that she can turn to me for help. What is the proper etiquette for dealing with grief? -- Troubled in Tribeca, New York City

DEAR TROUBLED IN TRIBECA: Sometimes tragedy brings people closer together, and there is nothing wrong with that. Since you are feeling drawn to your friend, do not resist the pull. Reach out to her and let her know that you are thinking of her. Ask her if she would like to get together. If you know what she likes to do for fun, invite her to do that. If you have not already directly told her how sorry you are for her loss, it is not too late to say that. Yet you do not need to dwell on it.

If she does not reach back right away, that is fine. Give her space, but remember to follow up. You may call her on a particular day when she could use a friend. What will help her the most is for you to be a good listener. For more ideas on dealing with a grieving friend, go to helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a sort of "stalker." There's a woman I met years ago who is on my email list, and she comes to every single event that I participate in (she finds out through my posts). It is tough to delete her because I use so much social media that it is easy to see what I am doing. The thing is, when she comes she just sits or follows me around, and I feel bad if I don't talk with her. What can I say to get her to back off? I don't want to be mean. -- Stalked, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR STALKED: Go up to her at the next event and thank her for coming. Then tell her that you notice that she comes to every event. Suggest to her that she be more selective and come to the things that appeal to her, not just because you are there.

After that, stop catering to her. Do take her email off of your direct mailing lists. If she continues to come, be cordial but do not engage her.