DEAR HARRIETTE: On the train, there was a woman talking away on her phone. I was sitting a few seats behind her, and I could hear her, but not what she was saying. She was not disturbing me. The woman sitting across from her was irritated and became hostile very quickly. She asked the woman when she was going to get off the phone, and the woman on the phone did not take this well. As she got off the phone, it escalated. Words were thrown back and forth -- comments such as, "Why are you screaming on this crowded train? Calm down, lady!" "I'm screaming because you have no sense of common decency!" "You're crazy!" "Do you want to try me?" "I'm crazy? You're crazy!" It got heated. Should the woman on the phone have entertained the belligerence of her attacker? -- Innocent Bystander, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR INNOCENT BYSTANDER: A lot went wrong during that train ride. For starters, it is difficult for people to talk on the phone in public, confined spaces. For this reason, it is wise not to talk on the phone on a bus or train. If it cannot be avoided, keep your voice low and your conversation short. Essentially, if you consider the people sitting around you as you are talking on the phone, chances are you will be brief. That the woman on the phone did not bother you does not mean that she did not bother others, as evidenced by the woman who got upset.

It would have been better for the phone talker to apologize for disrupting others' peace and leave it at that. It is amazing how effective an apology can be for dissolving pent-up emotions. What she should not have done was add fuel to the fire of her attacker. When people are upset, they rarely behave rationally. Challenging her attacker was a potentially dangerous action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you're sick and you're meeting new and potentially important people? The person extends his hand, but you do not want to pass on your germs or come off as rude. -- Sick and Suffering, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR SICK AND SUFFERING: When you are truly sick, you should stay home and get well. I realize how compelling it can be to go everywhere you are invited, especially if "important" people are there. But if you feel too sick to shake hands, you should keep your hands and body at home.

That said, if you find yourself in a public setting when you are not well, refrain from shaking hands, hugging or kissing other people. Position your body so that it is difficult for others to reach out to touch you. You can simply say that you are feeling under the weather and do not want to pass on your germs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine recently lost her boyfriend in a car accident. She has handled the situation as well as one can, but her smiles and pleasant demeanor do not hide the fact that she is hurting. I am unsure of how to interact with her. I am trying to make her feel loved and let her know that I am there for her when she needs me, but I am nervous about making my intentions overtly clear and accidentally causing her to further dwell on her situation. Though we are friends, before the accident we rarely talked or hung out one-on-one. We had been growing apart for a few years, but I really want to be there for her. I do not want her to think that I am coming back into her life only because of the tragedy. I really care about her, and I want her to know that she can turn to me for help. What is the proper etiquette for dealing with grief? -- Troubled in Tribeca, New York City

DEAR TROUBLED IN TRIBECA: Sometimes tragedy brings people closer together, and there is nothing wrong with that. Since you are feeling drawn to your friend, do not resist the pull. Reach out to her and let her know that you are thinking of her. Ask her if she would like to get together. If you know what she likes to do for fun, invite her to do that. If you have not already directly told her how sorry you are for her loss, it is not too late to say that. Yet you do not need to dwell on it.

If she does not reach back right away, that is fine. Give her space, but remember to follow up. You may call her on a particular day when she could use a friend. What will help her the most is for you to be a good listener. For more ideas on dealing with a grieving friend, go to helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a sort of "stalker." There's a woman I met years ago who is on my email list, and she comes to every single event that I participate in (she finds out through my posts). It is tough to delete her because I use so much social media that it is easy to see what I am doing. The thing is, when she comes she just sits or follows me around, and I feel bad if I don't talk with her. What can I say to get her to back off? I don't want to be mean. -- Stalked, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR STALKED: Go up to her at the next event and thank her for coming. Then tell her that you notice that she comes to every event. Suggest to her that she be more selective and come to the things that appeal to her, not just because you are there.

After that, stop catering to her. Do take her email off of your direct mailing lists. If she continues to come, be cordial but do not engage her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a fight with my dad about my summer plans. It is not a fight that has interfered with our relationship, but there is a little bit of tension, and I know that he is angry with me. He wanted me to get a job at my old summer camp and spend one last summer away, enjoying campfires and canoeing before it's too late. I chose to stick with a local job in town, because I am going to college next year and I thought one last summer with my school friends would be fun before we moved on. Still, though, I see his point, and I realize that I am going to have a lot of time with little to do. It is too late to get a job at the sleepaway camp, but I am seeking a way to simultaneously mitigate the tension and experience an amazing summer. Do you have any suggestions? -- Stressing About Summer, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR STRESSING ABOUT SUMMER: It is uncanny how often parents have good reason for their recommendations, isn't it? I do not say that to rub it in. I remind you of this because as you go off to school, do remember to listen to your parents and take their recommendations to heart. This does not mean you have to do everything they say. You are becoming an adult and are learning to make your own decisions and live with the consequences, as you are seeing in this situation.

Do not despair. You can craft a great summer for yourself. Do research on free activities in your town and in Manhattan. Because you are so close to the city, you can do lots of exploration on your own or with friends. On your days off, go on fun adventures. Make the big city your campsite! A few suggestions include: rivertorivernyc.com, cityparksfoundation.org/summerstage/ and shakespeareinthepark.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big falling-out with a good friend, and we have hardly spoken since. That was about two years ago. I saw her recently and realize how much I miss her. How can we come back together, given that a lot of time has passed? -- Missing My Friend, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: It is possible to mend old wounds. Reach out to your friend and tell her that you miss her. Be that direct. Apologize for so much time passing without your reaching out. Rather than rehashing what happened two years ago, suggest that the two of you get together. If you can be specific about a date, time and location for when you can meet, that would be perfect -- it makes it easy for her to respond.

When you do get together, be present. There may be no need to talk about any of the hurt feelings of the past. Talk to each other. Catch up on your lives. Be a good listener. See if you two can choose to revive your bond.