life

Active Kid Causes Fewer Disruptions

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 23rd, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wanted to say something in regard to the letter from "Unhappy Parent."

My son migrated to the U.S. from the Caribbean when he was 7 years old. He was picked on and bullied and had problems adjusting because he spoke differently. I had to make regular trips to school because he was "too active" (the teacher's words, not mine). The teacher suggested that I give him some sort of medication to "calm" him. Sadly, I took her advice. His grades improved, but he was like a zombie! He slept all the time and became withdrawn.

I took him off the medications and enrolled him in sports. He was too tired to act up in class and at home, and it taught him how to be a team player, how to perform under pressure and how to follow rules. Today I am the proud mommy of one of the youngest professional athletes in the U.S.! I hope "Unhappy Parent" gives my suggestion a try before she puts her active 6-year-old on meds! -- Move Your Body, Chicago

DEAR MOVE YOUR BODY: While I am not a doctor, I do know as a parent that when you put your child in activities that allow for him to use his physical energy, he often behaves better when it's time to be still. Active recess and gym class at school are essential, yet many schools do not offer gym class anymore. As far as parents go, you were smart to enroll your son in sports. I highly recommend this for boys and girls. In addition to directing physical energy into appropriate activities, supervised sports teach children how to get along, agree to disagree and other key social skills.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm in an interracial relationship. I date a black woman with kids. We've been together for almost two years, and my family doesn't agree with the relationship. They think we should break up. We really love each other, and her family seems to like me and is accepting of the relationship. My family doesn't feel the same way, and wishes things were different. Sometimes I feel like I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? -- Heartbroken, Washington, D.C.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: It is embarrassing to learn that people in our country continue to have discriminatory thoughts and feelings about people of other races. I can only imagine how challenging this is for you. Because it is your family that is against your relationship, I can see how tough it must be for you to build your relationship and have peace.

You need to figure out what you want. If you believe that you, your girlfriend and her children have a future together, claim that and let your family know. Be direct when you ask them to support you. If they offer push-back, challenge them. Have them name what their concerns are. If they are race-related, let them know that you are ashamed that they would think that way. If they are founded on other legitimate reasons, hear them out and consider their position.

life

Going to Family Event Is Step in the Right Direction

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 22nd, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to a friend's sister's confirmation as his "date." He and I are more than friends, but not in a relationship. We've been going on dates, and when he invited me, I was reluctant at first because we have not been on many dates since we left the friend zone. My impression was that it would be only his immediate family, but some aunts and uncles flew in to witness his sister's ceremony. It went well. His family was welcoming and kind, but I feel strange about attending such a spiritual event. Though he was told to invite a friend or two, I do not think I was what his mother had in mind. Should I not have gone? Was he in the wrong to have invited me? We did have a nice time, and his family treated me very nicely. I just don't know. -- Unsure Footing, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UNSURE FOOTING: What is key here is that you enjoyed the event, and the family welcomed you. That is the good news. It is also positive that your date felt comfortable inviting you to attend a family event like this. It says a lot for how much he trusts and respects you.

It should also make you wonder if he is interested in making your relationship more concrete. For that matter, you should give it thought yourself. What do you like about this man? What makes you feel comfortable? What makes you feel ill at ease? This event had a bit of both. You should talk about that. You should also talk to each other about the future -- not so much whether you are trying to commit to each other, but if you share interests, values, perspectives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have fallen into an unhealthy cycle. I have developed really bad sleeping habits that are negatively impacting my daily routines. I often cannot sleep at night. I toss and turn and end up with few hours of actual rest. As a result, I am lethargic throughout the day and unproductive. When I get home from school, I am wiped out and I take a nap. Then I must complete my work, which often carries me late into the evening again, and when I have finished -- around 1 or 2, I am unable to sleep. The cycle is constantly repeating itself, and my academic performance is being impacted. Though I am keeping up with my work from home, I am learning less in school because I am so exhausted, and I am having trouble retaining information for exams. Is there a way that I can remedy this situation? I appreciate your help. -- Sleepless in Scarsdale, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR SLEEPLESS IN SCARSDALE: You need to break your cycle, which is not easy to do. One way to start is to develop new, healthier patterns. Do yoga or some other form of relaxing exercise that can calm your mind and body before it is time to go to sleep. Take a hot bath before going to bed. Turn off the TV or other stimulating influences.

Talk to your doctor to see if there is a temporary medication you can take to help you get through this semester. Take time off this summer to decompress and reset your internal clock.

life

Depressed Friend Needs Support

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 21st, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am worried about my friend. She has become somewhat of a hermit. I often invite her to do things together, and she excuses herself with something along the lines of "being tired" or needing to "watch her cats." I might have thought that it had something to do with me except for the fact that other friends' requests merit the same response. She has had a history of depression, and I feel as if her isolation might be a negative sign. I worry about pushing her too hard or counseling her because I do not want her to feel attacked and recoil. Please, if you can think of a gentle way that I might be able to help her, let me know. -- Worried in Westchester, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED IN WESTCHESTER: If you believe she would answer her door, why not show up at her home with some take-out food and a movie? If she will let you in, sit with her and see if you can get her to talk. By listening, you may be able to hear something that will allow you to start a real conversation about how she is doing.

Since you know already that she has suffered from depression, if you get the opportunity, ask her if she thinks she is depressed now and if she feels that she needs support. Empathize with your friend. Take what she says to you seriously. Be mindful not to give her advice or tell her that everything will be OK. You do not know that. Medical experts have said that giving false hope to people suffering from depression can be annoying or even debilitating. Be a good listener.

Do not give up on your friend. Keep reaching out and letting her know that you care about her. Your other friends should do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What is good advice to give to a friend who is 21 years old, single and feeling like there is no girl out there for him? He's getting lonely, and it's really affecting his self-esteem. What can I say to him that would actually be helpful? He is a good friend and a good guy, but he just doesn't seem to meet anyone interesting. -- Feeling for My Friend, Chicago

DEAR FEELING FOR MY FRIEND: As a young man, your friend has his whole life ahead of him, yet unfortunately he is stuck feeling alone. Reminding him of his youth is not going to help him. Instead, you might tell him something that I have learned: Make a list detailing the qualities he values in a partner. Suggest that he be specific. By clearly articulating to himself what kind of woman he is looking for, it will help him to notice someone who embodies those qualities.

Now, he also has to get out and meet people. Once he is confident that he has clarity on the type of woman of interest to him, he should go to places where people like that spend time. He should enjoy himself as he keeps his eyes open.

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for June 08, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for June 07, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for June 06, 2023
  • LW Furious at Parents Over Circumstances of Beloved Cat's Death
  • LW Reaches End of Financial and Emotional Rope
  • Daughter Keeps House Too Dark for Mom's Comfort
  • My Friend’s Constant Attempts at being Funny Are No Laughing Matter. Help!
  • My Know-it-All Buddy is Ruining Our Friendship
  • My Fear of Feeling Irrelevant is Real, and Gosh, It Is Painful
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal