DEAR HARRIETTE: I am worried about my friend. She has become somewhat of a hermit. I often invite her to do things together, and she excuses herself with something along the lines of "being tired" or needing to "watch her cats." I might have thought that it had something to do with me except for the fact that other friends' requests merit the same response. She has had a history of depression, and I feel as if her isolation might be a negative sign. I worry about pushing her too hard or counseling her because I do not want her to feel attacked and recoil. Please, if you can think of a gentle way that I might be able to help her, let me know. -- Worried in Westchester, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED IN WESTCHESTER: If you believe she would answer her door, why not show up at her home with some take-out food and a movie? If she will let you in, sit with her and see if you can get her to talk. By listening, you may be able to hear something that will allow you to start a real conversation about how she is doing.

Since you know already that she has suffered from depression, if you get the opportunity, ask her if she thinks she is depressed now and if she feels that she needs support. Empathize with your friend. Take what she says to you seriously. Be mindful not to give her advice or tell her that everything will be OK. You do not know that. Medical experts have said that giving false hope to people suffering from depression can be annoying or even debilitating. Be a good listener.

Do not give up on your friend. Keep reaching out and letting her know that you care about her. Your other friends should do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What is good advice to give to a friend who is 21 years old, single and feeling like there is no girl out there for him? He's getting lonely, and it's really affecting his self-esteem. What can I say to him that would actually be helpful? He is a good friend and a good guy, but he just doesn't seem to meet anyone interesting. -- Feeling for My Friend, Chicago

DEAR FEELING FOR MY FRIEND: As a young man, your friend has his whole life ahead of him, yet unfortunately he is stuck feeling alone. Reminding him of his youth is not going to help him. Instead, you might tell him something that I have learned: Make a list detailing the qualities he values in a partner. Suggest that he be specific. By clearly articulating to himself what kind of woman he is looking for, it will help him to notice someone who embodies those qualities.

Now, he also has to get out and meet people. Once he is confident that he has clarity on the type of woman of interest to him, he should go to places where people like that spend time. He should enjoy himself as he keeps his eyes open.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a phone call from my uncle a few weeks ago. While we were talking on the phone, my uncle expressed concerns that his 40-year-old nephew (me) is not in a relationship. He mentioned that my family expressed the same sentiments. I happily informed my uncle that I have gone back to college to obtain a degree in business management, and I am not able to balance a relationship and college at the same time. I calmed my uncle's anxieties about my relationship status for the moment.

I would like my family to support me in my academic endeavors as opposed to their being concerned about my personal life. How can I set parameters for my family regarding my personal life? -- The College Student, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR COLLEGE STUDENT: You may want to schedule a family meeting where you can talk face-to-face. Present the plan that you are currently living out to your family. Describe your intention for your education, and give them a sense of what you imagine for yourself in two years, in four years, in ten years. If you believe you do want to be in a relationship down the road, tell them. Make it clear that education is your focus right now and you want to give it your all so that you will create opportunities for yourself that will help to expand your future choices. Ask for their support and trust.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are at the age where they can participate in team sports. My brother has agreed to take them to their athletic endeavors whenever I have to work on the weekends. My brother and I were once athletes in college, and now we work in the finance industry for separate companies. Our jobs are very demanding, and there's no room for error. After our workday, we usually watch some sporting event. We yell at the TV if the referee makes a bad call, and we cheer when an athlete makes a spectacular play. I do not want my brother or myself to make a scene if my children's referee makes a bad call or if the coaches decide to pull my children out of the game because they made a mistake. I live in a suburban community where the parents actually fought the coaches and referees for making bad calls against their children. Do you have any suggestions on how to stay calm while watching the kids play? -- Helicopter Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR HELICOPTER MOM: Talk to your brother about managing emotions during your children's games. It is natural to get excited about your kids' games. Many parents and family members do yell out during games. You can do that, but you need to be clear about boundaries. Stay in the area where you are seated. Do not defy the referee. Do not go down to the field. Just because other attendees lose their cool does not mean that you have to follow suit. Remember that you are an example for your children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister asked if she could send her three kids to stay with me for a few weeks this summer while she and her husband go away for an extended vacation. Her kids range in age from 7 to 14 years old. I love them dearly, but I cannot afford to keep them for that long. I have been working part-time, barely paying my bills for the past several years. I haven't told her that, though. I know she can afford to pay for their food and stuff during their stay, but I feel weird asking her to do that. How should I handle this? -- Torn, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TORN: There is absolutely no reason for you to feel uncomfortable about asking your sister to pay for food and entertainment for her children. She knows what it costs to take care of them. I assume that she has asked you to welcome them so that they can spend quality time with family.

Be crystal clear with your sister when you discuss logistics of this potential visit. Be honest about the need for cash to cover them. Itemize what you think you might do together, including if you think you will need a sitter. For example, when you are working, where will they be? The more detailed your conversation is with your sister, the better you will be able to take care of yourself as you take care of her children.

If you find through the course of your discussion that it does not make sense for you to take them, tell her that. What you do not want is to accept the responsibility of the children and then not be able to handle it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a recent letter, a wife complained that her husband was spending almost a quarter of his paycheck on video games. That seems high. Is that percentage an alarm bell of an addiction? What percentage of time and/or money dedicated to an activity (video games, porn, etc.) can serve as an indication that something is not right? -- Adding It Up, Chicago

DEAR ADDING IT UP: Great question. While I do not have a percentage to point to, I did find some revealing information. According to Susan Shapiro, co-author of "Unhooked: How to Quit Anything," "an addiction is a compulsive reliance on any substance or activity that harms or deters your ability to function in a major area of your life." Shapiro goes on to say, "This includes work, school, family, social and intimate relationships." She includes video games, texting and pornography under the umbrella of soft habits.

If a person is suffering from an addiction, he or she will likely need more help than an invitation to do something else. Addictions, and bad habits, for that matter, can be almost impossible to end without support. Getting someone to make the choice to get help can be difficult, though. One recommendation is to ask the person to go to a meeting with an addiction specialist or a 12-step program to see if he or she can benefit from the experience.