DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister asked if she could send her three kids to stay with me for a few weeks this summer while she and her husband go away for an extended vacation. Her kids range in age from 7 to 14 years old. I love them dearly, but I cannot afford to keep them for that long. I have been working part-time, barely paying my bills for the past several years. I haven't told her that, though. I know she can afford to pay for their food and stuff during their stay, but I feel weird asking her to do that. How should I handle this? -- Torn, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TORN: There is absolutely no reason for you to feel uncomfortable about asking your sister to pay for food and entertainment for her children. She knows what it costs to take care of them. I assume that she has asked you to welcome them so that they can spend quality time with family.

Be crystal clear with your sister when you discuss logistics of this potential visit. Be honest about the need for cash to cover them. Itemize what you think you might do together, including if you think you will need a sitter. For example, when you are working, where will they be? The more detailed your conversation is with your sister, the better you will be able to take care of yourself as you take care of her children.

If you find through the course of your discussion that it does not make sense for you to take them, tell her that. What you do not want is to accept the responsibility of the children and then not be able to handle it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a recent letter, a wife complained that her husband was spending almost a quarter of his paycheck on video games. That seems high. Is that percentage an alarm bell of an addiction? What percentage of time and/or money dedicated to an activity (video games, porn, etc.) can serve as an indication that something is not right? -- Adding It Up, Chicago

DEAR ADDING IT UP: Great question. While I do not have a percentage to point to, I did find some revealing information. According to Susan Shapiro, co-author of "Unhooked: How to Quit Anything," "an addiction is a compulsive reliance on any substance or activity that harms or deters your ability to function in a major area of your life." Shapiro goes on to say, "This includes work, school, family, social and intimate relationships." She includes video games, texting and pornography under the umbrella of soft habits.

If a person is suffering from an addiction, he or she will likely need more help than an invitation to do something else. Addictions, and bad habits, for that matter, can be almost impossible to end without support. Getting someone to make the choice to get help can be difficult, though. One recommendation is to ask the person to go to a meeting with an addiction specialist or a 12-step program to see if he or she can benefit from the experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is frustrated with her college situation. We live in an affluent neighborhood, and most kids go to private schools. Although they are well-off, her family does not have the means to pay a hefty tuition. Unfortunately, she feels as if some of her more affordable options force her to compromise on what she is looking for in a school. For example, many of the state schools are too big and do not provide an intimate learning environment, while others do not appeal to her preferred social expectations. She is toying with the idea of taking out loans so that she might have a more holistic college experience, yet she fears having tens of thousands of dollars of debt upon graduation, especially because we cannot foresee what the job market will look like. Should she strive for affordability or for the experience that she desires? -- Facing Choices, Cincinnati

DEAR FACING CHOICES: Suggest to your friend that she look into what scholarships may be available at the schools she likes. She can ask her guidance counselor to support her in this effort. There are countless scholarships out there for a host of reasons. Depending on her hobbies, family background, academic record or even quirky pursuits, there may be money out there that she can use to reduce what she has to pay for tuition. You can start your search with fastweb.com and scholarships.com. There are many more sites as well.

Another option that many students are choosing is going to a community college for the first two years and then transferring to a four-year college or university for the last two years. This can help defray costs as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my ex and I broke up, it was really ugly although it was private. I acted stupid. He broke up with me, and I begged him not to leave. It was not a pretty picture. I have been doing better. I did not tell anybody the details of our breakup, but he did. One of our mutual friends came up to me at a party and recited everything that happened during our breakup. She was not mean about it; she just wanted to know how I was doing. It was embarrassing. I did not want to rehash that situation with her. I definitely do not want this to happen again. I want to call him and ask him to stop talking about it. What do you think? -- Embarrassed, Los Angeles

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Yes, you can call your ex and ask him not to continue sharing intimate details of your breakup with your mutual friends. Know that he may not have intended to embarrass you. When relationships end, people often need to talk about what happened and process their emotions. He may have been doing just that. What's tough is that his confidant is a shared friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I witnessed a shouting match at a party last weekend. A girl was berating her friend's boyfriend for the horrible way he treated people. It's true that the boy is rude, but the girl really flew off the handle. The entire party fell silent and watched the exchange. I was positioned in the middle of the crossfire, but I simply averted my eyes and remained quiet. I was extremely uncomfortable, especially because I am not particularly close with either party. I took the first available opportunity to leave the party and avoid the inevitable tension that would persist throughout the night. I might have had a nice time had I stayed, but I couldn't get over how awkward the situation had been. Was that the right thing to do? -- Awkward, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR AWKWARD: Leaving the party was a fine option. You could have even gotten up sooner to get out of the crossfire. People think that being polite in a situation like that means averting your eyes or being still. Maybe. Better, though, is either to attempt to diffuse the shouting -- perhaps best handled by the host of the party, or to get up when it starts and walk away. Staying and enduring the shouting match makes you a bystander in an ugly situation that really called for action that would have ended it.

To that end, another thing you could have done is to find the host or another authority figure and ask that person to intervene.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a dilemma. My daughter is 15 years old, and her 16th birthday is a few weeks away. Around the time of my daughter's birthday, I start summer sessions at my college. Turning 16 is a big deal, and I would like to give her a great gift, but I spent a lot of money on tuition and books for my summer classes. I have some extra money put aside for a rainy day. I want my daughter's birthday to be special, and I would like some advice on how she can have her special day on a budget. -- Back in School Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR BACK IN SCHOOL MOM: While many families host extravagant events for 16th birthdays, you do not have to do that. Instead, you may want to use part of your rainy day fund to host a birthday dinner for your daughter and a few of her friends at your home. Make her favorite meal. Be mindful to set the table elegantly with Sweet 16 accents. Invite the guests to dress up for the occasion. Make it special in the attention you pay to detail.

Make sure you have completed your studies so that you are not distracted by your schoolwork. Being fully present and engaged for your daughter should help her to feel grateful for the celebration you are able to design for her.