DEAR HARRIETTE: I started in a new job as a senior member of a work team. This company has a policy to hire people with disabilities, neurological or physical, as part of the support staff. My youngest son is in the autism spectrum, so seeing these people given the same opportunities as "typicals" is heartwarming. I see my son's future opportunities reflected in their successes, which might be as simple as leading an independent life.

Unfortunately, we still have remnants of social stereotyping and unconscious bigotry. While talking with my team, a couple of them wondered why the company had to hire people who "obviously had something wrong with them." The rest followed suit in the comment, trying to turn it into a joke. I took a deep breath and excused myself from the conversation and walked away. In that moment, I was reminded that the biggest challenge my son will have is the willingness of the rest of society to accept him.

Should I have called their attention to the unkindness of their comments? I do not want to abuse my position or create an uncomfortable work environment. I thought about talking to them about it, trying to open their perspective, but it might look like a "holier than thou" affair. -- Dad With Hope, Fairfax, Va.

DEAR DAD WITH HOPE: One of the greatest challenges we have is being able to live the standards that we say we believe. We often have lofty goals. Indeed, our country was founded on some of the loftiest principles. We have legislated many measures to protect us against our baser nature. And yet discrimination and stereotyping are still very much alive. Anyone who has the ability to see when offensive behavior is occurring has the opportunity to help open the eyes of those who are the offenders.

You are in the wonderful and sensitive position of being able to educate your staff on the value of the policy of hiring without discrimination. Yes, you definitely should talk to them about their comments. Do not scold them. Instead, gather them and tell them that you have given a lot of thought to what they said. You may want to share your personal story of the hope that you had when you started this job and how it made you believe there will be a chance for your child. Or you can keep it generic. Most important is that you give them a concrete understanding of the importance of valuing everyone in your work culture.

I read a fantastic book by scholar Malidoma Some, called "Of Water and the Spirit." In it, he explains that in his Burkina Faso, Africa, village when he was growing up, everyone was valued. Every single person had a viable role in the village. Those who were disabled were considered special, often as gatekeepers between everyday life and the hereafter. The point is that no one was considered worthless.

As time goes by, if you remain consistent you can teach your team that every person there is valuable by pointing out what each person is good at doing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got fired, and I don't know how to take it. My boss was very kind when she fired me. She explained what we had talked about before, and I understand why she let me go. She even made suggestions about how I can improve in areas that she thinks would be important for me in my life. I appreciate what she said, but it doesn't change the fact that it sucks. How am I supposed to move on? I never imagined I would get fired. Do you think I should stay in touch with my former boss? She offered. But I am confused. -- Still Stinging, New York City

DEAR STILL STINGING: It sounds like your ex-boss was mindful and specific in handling your firing. I suggest you review exactly what she shared with you. Pay attention to the areas she thought needed improvement. Focus on building your skills. Clarify what you believe you are good at as you look for work.

Consider it a blessing that she offered to stay in touch. By all means send her a thank-you note for her wisdom. And keep her updated as you build your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read the letter from Mom in Shock this morning. I feel for her, because I am raising three daughters, and I want them to learn to be kind to everyone. One of the tools that I have used is a children's chapter book called "The Hundred Dresses," by Eleanor Estes. I think this book should be required reading for girls. It is a powerful story about looking down on others, bullying (especially the not-so-overt variety) and standing aside while others are teased. All moms and daughters can benefit from reading this book together and discussing the important lessons it illustrates. -- Another Mom of Girls, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ANOTHER MOM OF GIRLS: Thank you for your recommendation. Interestingly, I think the good news in the land of bullying is that it is far more out in the open now than in years past. Awareness is high. Parents and teachers are paying closer attention to children's behavior and responding with greater tools, at least in many cases. Like the book you recommended, there are programs that are being offered in schools across the country to let children know how to behave as allies, what bullying looks like, how to not be a bystander and how to engage when the moment calls for it.

In addition to the book you have so kindly suggested, I recommend that parents check in with their children's schools to see what programs are available there. If nothing is currently being offered, lobby for that support. Meanwhile, remain vigilant at home. Do not let the little things pass when your children treat others poorly. Point out what they did that was unkind. Teach them how to apologize and correct their mistakes. Consistent reinforcement is what teaches children how to be kind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not sure what I should be calling my father-in-law’s third wife. I introduce her as my father-in-law’s wife, but I do not say mother-in-law, since she is not my husband’s mother. Some people I have asked say that she is my mother-in-law, but I do not think that is correct. Please help me! -- Lawful, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR LAWFUL: For now, it is fine for you to introduce this woman as your father-in-law’s wife, and then add her first name. Be respectful when you introduce her. If they are newly married, you could introduce her with the excitement appropriate for the new relationship. As you get to know her, you may choose to give her a name of endearment.

What does your husband say? What does he call her? You can take his lead on this one as you are talking about his family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, you responded to a woman who got in trouble for taking a long vacation with her children. She goes back to her country for a month. Her husband never accompanies them due to work. Now he wants her to stop traveling because he wants to share time with the children. You told her to consider that he has the right to spend vacation with the children. But isn't he working during their break?

I have a similar experience. My American husband doesn't want me to go to my country. We don't have children. I still go. There, I have my family who didn't immigrate here. They're having a good life there. I am here just because of marriage.

Why are husbands selfish? My husband doesn't want to come with me either. I go all the same.

I think in this lady's case, she should communicate better with her husband and convince him to go with her. That way, his mind will open up to a different world, not a bad one. He will experience being a member of the family abroad. At least he should try. America is not the only place in the world, and the children are getting richer in traditions, culture and affection. -- Just a Commenter, New Orleans

DEAR JUST A COMMENTER: My point about the original question was that it is wise to work together and agree about vacations with the children. This makes for a healthier, more respectful life. I do not mean, however, that a spouse should not be able to travel overseas -- or anywhere else for that matter -- to visit family. Given the friction that occurs frequently when family members "take" their children abroad without agreement and sometimes do not return, there is a heightened sensitivity right now on this subject.

That said, I agree with you that the American parent/spouse in an international family should actively choose to visit the other family members and cultivate a relationship with them. It should be a two-way street. I do not think it is just husbands who are guilty of not wanting to make that trip, though.