DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend's boyfriend recently broke up with her. She was devastated, as she should have been. He broke up with her because he wanted to do his own thing and felt they spent too much time together. During their relationship, she was always complaining about what was lacking and how they argued too much. He had said for weeks that he needed his space, and her response would always be, "Do you want to break up?" Well now they have.

My advice to her was to take care of her emotions, but she didn't want to hear that. She told me that I "tapped out" of her situation, meaning I was over it, which isn't true. I was concerned about my friend. I just had no other advice to give because she knew the breakup was coming, and I'm cautious when speaking to her because she's never been one to handle the unconditional truth. Can you please tell me what I did wrong in this situation? -- Saddened, Chicago

DEAR SADDENED: As a friend, your job is to be a good listener. In times like these, nobody wins, especially the supportive friend. Where you were wrong was in giving any advice at all. Because your friend is hurt, she needs to lash out at someone. She cannot reach him, so she is taking it out on you.

What you could have done would be to tell her you love her and how sorry you are that her relationship ended. If she asked you for advice, you could have deflected and said that you did not have an answer for what she should do, but you want her to know that she does not have to be alone as she heals from this loss.

What you can do now is check in with her and find out how she is doing. Ask her if she would like to get together. See if you can create activities that you two can do together that will be soothing for her and not focused on him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is 45 years old, and he is addicted to playing video games. Every two weeks, my husband spends almost one-fourth of his paycheck on the latest games. He is a hard worker, and playing video games is a way for him to unwind. Still, I would like for my husband to spend less time playing the video games and more time taking his wife out. -- What a Wife Wants, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR WHAT A WIFE WANTS: Rather than disparaging him for playing the video games -- which will only make him annoyed -- lure him away with an invitation to go on a date. Establish "date night" once a week with him where you two do something fun. Select activities that you believe he will enjoy. If he gets into hanging out with you again, he may choose to play video games less.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who wears a very thick, oversized metal bracelet on her arm. Whenever she writes or moves around the mouse on her computer, the bracelet hits the top of her desk, and it makes a loud clanging sound. Given how much she moves her arm, this clanging happens dozens of times each day. Every time she does it, the sound of the clanging bracelet makes my skin crawl and my ears hurt. It greatly distracts me from being able to accomplish everything I need to in the course of a workday. I know I'm not the only person in my office who is irritated by the sound of her bracelet. They've all apparently tried drowning out the noise by using earplugs and iPods, tuning it out, all to no avail. My co-worker is a nice lady, and I'd like to ask her to remove the bracelet during work hours, but doing so would put her on the spot in front of the whole office and potentially humiliate her. But like I said, it's distracting me from getting my work done. Please give me some suggestions as to how to deal with this situation. -- Aching Ears and Losing Productivity, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ACHING EARS AND LOSING PRODUCTIVITY: Rather than sidestepping this woman, speak up. Tell her that the sound of her bracelet clanging constantly is terribly distracting. Ask her if she would take it off while she is working. She may not realize that she is causing a distraction.

If she does not respond favorably, speak to your direct supervisor and ask for support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my parents for a $30,000 interest loan to cover a loss with my home, which I am selling due to an unexpected job relocation. They offered to gift me $20,000 and said if I needed more I could borrow it later. I refused the gift, but they stood strong and said if I wanted the money, that was the deal. After I received the $20,000, I wrote them a very nice note thanking them, but I felt like I should do something else. I did borrow an additional $10,000. After my loan is paid off, what should I do? Take them on a short trip? I don't know what to do, but the note didn't seem like enough to me. Please help! -- Grateful, Racine, Mich.

DEAR GRATEFUL: What a blessing it is that your parents had the money to share with you and that they chose to give it to you with no strings attached. I see why you want to do something special for them. You could invite them on a vacation. You could buy them something that you believe they would appreciate. But more, you can demonstrate to them how much you love and appreciate them by living a good life and sharing it with them. Stay in touch with them. Let them know how your life is blossoming. Choose to come home to visit them as regularly as you can. Be an active presence in their life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned my father has heart failure and will need surgery to have a balloon placed in his heart. This information hurts emotionally, and I also feel stuck physically -- I live in New York City and my father is in Chicago. When I learned of my father's failing health, I told a good friend who's been having trouble with her mother, and her response was to be strong and to keep him in my prayers. I thanked her, and before I knew it, the conversation went back to her and her situation with her mother, which has been proceeding for a while. I was completely shocked and felt dismissed. What kind of friend is she for disregarding my feelings? How should I address my friend's dismissive behavior? -- Dissed, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR DISSED: It is likely that your friend is totally self-absorbed, consumed by the troubles her family is going through. She may have little awareness of how troubled she is by her mother's plight. From that view, she may not realize that she was insensitive to you. Chances are she believes she acknowledged your father's challenge adequately.

What you can do is tell her how you feel. Follow up with her and let her know that your feelings are hurt because she did not seem to care much about your family crisis even though you have been there for her consistently as she has been dealing with her mother's failing health. Let her know that you need her support and her attentive ear right now. It is likely that she will apologize and say that she didn't realize she was being insensitive.

I will add, though, that a friend who is dealing with her own parental crisis may not have the emotional space to be there for you as you want and need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a senior in college and I have had trouble identifying the career I would like to pursue. I see myself as an author, a therapist, an artist ... a "Jackie of all trades"! I just don't know where to start. Can I pursue all of my career dreams without making a big mess of my life? -- Choiceless, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR CHOICELESS: Here's the thing: You can pursue your various dreams, just not all at the same time. I recommend that you choose to first pursue the career path where you have the most experience. If you have had internships or job experience of any kind in one of your areas of interest, seek employment in that area so you can build on your experience. Master that career goal and then add another. In this way you can be successful.