DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who wears a very thick, oversized metal bracelet on her arm. Whenever she writes or moves around the mouse on her computer, the bracelet hits the top of her desk, and it makes a loud clanging sound. Given how much she moves her arm, this clanging happens dozens of times each day. Every time she does it, the sound of the clanging bracelet makes my skin crawl and my ears hurt. It greatly distracts me from being able to accomplish everything I need to in the course of a workday. I know I'm not the only person in my office who is irritated by the sound of her bracelet. They've all apparently tried drowning out the noise by using earplugs and iPods, tuning it out, all to no avail. My co-worker is a nice lady, and I'd like to ask her to remove the bracelet during work hours, but doing so would put her on the spot in front of the whole office and potentially humiliate her. But like I said, it's distracting me from getting my work done. Please give me some suggestions as to how to deal with this situation. -- Aching Ears and Losing Productivity, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ACHING EARS AND LOSING PRODUCTIVITY: Rather than sidestepping this woman, speak up. Tell her that the sound of her bracelet clanging constantly is terribly distracting. Ask her if she would take it off while she is working. She may not realize that she is causing a distraction.

If she does not respond favorably, speak to your direct supervisor and ask for support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my parents for a $30,000 interest loan to cover a loss with my home, which I am selling due to an unexpected job relocation. They offered to gift me $20,000 and said if I needed more I could borrow it later. I refused the gift, but they stood strong and said if I wanted the money, that was the deal. After I received the $20,000, I wrote them a very nice note thanking them, but I felt like I should do something else. I did borrow an additional $10,000. After my loan is paid off, what should I do? Take them on a short trip? I don't know what to do, but the note didn't seem like enough to me. Please help! -- Grateful, Racine, Mich.

DEAR GRATEFUL: What a blessing it is that your parents had the money to share with you and that they chose to give it to you with no strings attached. I see why you want to do something special for them. You could invite them on a vacation. You could buy them something that you believe they would appreciate. But more, you can demonstrate to them how much you love and appreciate them by living a good life and sharing it with them. Stay in touch with them. Let them know how your life is blossoming. Choose to come home to visit them as regularly as you can. Be an active presence in their life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned my father has heart failure and will need surgery to have a balloon placed in his heart. This information hurts emotionally, and I also feel stuck physically -- I live in New York City and my father is in Chicago. When I learned of my father's failing health, I told a good friend who's been having trouble with her mother, and her response was to be strong and to keep him in my prayers. I thanked her, and before I knew it, the conversation went back to her and her situation with her mother, which has been proceeding for a while. I was completely shocked and felt dismissed. What kind of friend is she for disregarding my feelings? How should I address my friend's dismissive behavior? -- Dissed, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR DISSED: It is likely that your friend is totally self-absorbed, consumed by the troubles her family is going through. She may have little awareness of how troubled she is by her mother's plight. From that view, she may not realize that she was insensitive to you. Chances are she believes she acknowledged your father's challenge adequately.

What you can do is tell her how you feel. Follow up with her and let her know that your feelings are hurt because she did not seem to care much about your family crisis even though you have been there for her consistently as she has been dealing with her mother's failing health. Let her know that you need her support and her attentive ear right now. It is likely that she will apologize and say that she didn't realize she was being insensitive.

I will add, though, that a friend who is dealing with her own parental crisis may not have the emotional space to be there for you as you want and need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a senior in college and I have had trouble identifying the career I would like to pursue. I see myself as an author, a therapist, an artist ... a "Jackie of all trades"! I just don't know where to start. Can I pursue all of my career dreams without making a big mess of my life? -- Choiceless, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR CHOICELESS: Here's the thing: You can pursue your various dreams, just not all at the same time. I recommend that you choose to first pursue the career path where you have the most experience. If you have had internships or job experience of any kind in one of your areas of interest, seek employment in that area so you can build on your experience. Master that career goal and then add another. In this way you can be successful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you're in a relationship but you want to start dating again? I met this man on Facebook, and I would like to take him out for his birthday. He is handsome, and he is someone with whom I can see myself having a relationship. We started to correspond via email for a few weeks until we exchanged phone numbers. Talking on the phone is just easier. My male friend liked the idea of going out for his birthday, and that made my heart smile.

During one of our numerous conversations, I told my male friend that I was married and that my husband and I have been separated for 15 years. To my surprise, he was taken aback by the statement. He told me that he doesn't want a woman who is married. I told him it was not a big deal. I really like this guy, and I want to see what develops from our friendship. I am not planning to divorce my husband anytime soon. I am lonely and want companionship. What is a woman to do? -- Till Death Do Us Part?, Baltimore

DEAR TILL DEATH DO US PART?: Why are you surprised at your suitor's surprise? I think it is a good thing that a man does not want to date a woman who is married. That you are separated is different from married, and you admit that you are not planning to get divorced anytime soon. Why is that? Are you benefiting in some way from being married to your husband even though you have not been together for years? Is being married a safety for you?

You are living in that space of having your cake and wanting to eat it, too. You are legally married but not with your husband. You are lonely and want companionship, but you are not legally available to receive it. You may want to thank this suitor for making your dilemma so obvious. Do yourself a favor: Take care of first things first. Clear the way to have a healthy new relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor from back home died several years ago. I was included in his will, which went through years of sluggish movement in the court system. Finally, I have been told what was left to me, and I don't even want it. I feel so stupid having held onto this notion that I was really getting something. What do I do if I don't want it? -- Willed Out, Shreveport, La.

DEAR WILLED OUT: You should have received information from the estate explaining that you do not have to accept the items. Essentially, you need to get in touch with the official person in charge of the dispersion of the will. Explain that while you appreciate your neighbor's gesture, you will be unable to use the item(s) left for you. Suggest that the administrator of the estate dispose of it in whatever way he or she sees fit -- or search for another family member who may appreciate that which isn't right for you at this time.