DEAR HARRIETTE: I walked in on a conversation that my 9-year-old daughter had with one of her friends. At first, I thought they were just laughing and sharing a moment with each other. That was not the case: The girls were saying some bad things about one of their classmates because she wore the same clothes just about every day of the week. I was disappointed and shocked that these words were coming out of my child's mouth. I did not raise her to judge people by what they wear. I am fortunate enough to have resources to make sure that my children are properly clothed. I think I may need to teach my children a lesson about helping the less fortunate. Do you have any suggestions on how I should approach this matter? -- Mom in Shock, New York City

DEAR MOM IN SHOCK: Consider this a teachable moment. You could have spoken to the two girls at the same time, questioning them about their conversation and its tone. In the spirit of clarification, you could have talked to them about the damaging nature of their conversation.

Since you did not, by all means double back to your daughter. Ask her to tell you what she and her friend were discussing. Prompt her to be forthcoming about her conversation, and gently nudge her toward revealing more about the other student and her circumstances. Next, ask her about her life and the privileges that she receives. Do these things make her "better than" that other girl? Chances are she will not say "yes" because you have been teaching her otherwise. Point out that when you make fun of someone because the person is less fortunate than you, the behavior is cruel. Have your daughter consider how she would feel if someone were speaking about her in that way. Do some role-playing with her so that the impact of the unkind words becomes real to her. Make it crystal clear that you do not condone such behavior. Instead of criticizing, what you would prefer would be to see if you could offer the student clothing or other necessities to help make her life easier.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your recent column in my local newspaper, "Unemployed Man Who Wants Checkup," provided a link for additional information about health coverage for unemployed workers. The link does not indicate what state will provide information for this man, but I think it is California.

Is there a similar link for me? -- Unemployed in Pennsylvania, Scranton, Pa.

DEAR UNEMPLOYED IN PENNSYLVANIA: As I did research to find a source for health insurance for the unemployed in your state, I found something else that is worthy of note. It turns out that nationally, as a result of sequestration, there have been cuts in unemployment benefits nationwide. Unfortunately, you may already be experiencing this. See this link for more information: www.uc.pa.gov/portal/server.pt/community/the_official_pennsylvania_unemployment_compensation_website_%E2%80%93_www_uc_pa_gov/11449.

As it relates to health insurance support while unemployed, there is hope. Visit pennsylvaniaunemployed.org/benefits.php. You can also call the Department of Public Welfare Helpline at 1-800-692-7462.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I disagree on a lot of points regarding parenting. I am actually surprised by some of his views, but I get it -- two people don't necessarily believe all the same things. My issue is that he makes his declarations about how things are going to be in front of our kids without any discussion with me. So, for example, if I am feeding my kids something and he just read that this particular food is not the best, he will reprimand them for eating it as I am serving it. I'm not talking about anything horrible. My husband is into holistic things, and as he learns something he wants to apply it immediately. I have asked him to talk to me about it first, but he never does. What can I do to get him to co-parent with me rather than create a scene on a regular basis? -- Frustrated, Denver

DEAR FRUSTRATED: There's nothing wrong with learning new information and wanting to apply that knowledge to your life. How you do it seems to be what's in question.

When you and your husband are not in the midst of a disagreement, ask him if you can chat. Tell him that you respect his hunger for knowledge about healthy living and eating and that you are interested in what he is discovering. Then, make it clear that you believe it is important to the health of your family that the two of you, the adults, discuss his ideas and agree on a plan of action before anything is conveyed to the children. Tell him that otherwise your children will be receiving conflicting messages on a regular basis and their trust in each of you will erode along with their understanding and clarity on what is best for their lives. Tell him you know he wants the best for them. Suggest that this includes the best way for the two of you to work together. Being a united front is far more effective than spontaneous, inflammatory course corrections.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A boy in my son's class just got a new iPhone. He is in third grade! My son came home jockeying for one for himself. He figured that if his friend could have one, so should he. It is so difficult to teach my child about what's age-appropriate when his peers seem to get whatever they want, whenever they want it. How do I manage his expectations? -- At a Loss, Washington, D.C.

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your job is to teach your child your family's values. You have to be careful not to place a judgment on other families and their choices, but feel free to tell your son that you do not think it is wise to give a child that young such a fragile electronic. Also, explain your policy on phones at his age, whatever that is.

Know that throughout your son's life, especially while he is young, you will be setting his vision for how to live. This will constantly include helping him accept that not everyone makes the same choices, and that is fine. He needs to find comfort in the decisions that your family makes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My relationship with my mother means the world to me. My childhood, from adolescence through my teens, was rocky. It wasn't until I went to college that we became extremely close. When I came home from college to continue my education, that's when my mom became my best friend. The last three years have been crucial to our relationship.

My mom purchased her first home last month. It's a beautiful five-bedroom Victorian home -- something she's always wanted. This is a major accomplishment because her past life would've made this purchase impossible. However, my biggest issue with our new home is not being allowed to invite family over because she doesn't have a great relationship with them. My mom doesn't even speak to her mother. I understand there's a lot of pain and past issues from her childhood, but it's starting to wear on me. Because of the distance, it's difficult to plan family functions. My graduation is around the corner and my mom wants to plan a graduation party, but I can't invite my family. Harriette, is it right of my mother to deprive me of having my family at my graduation party? -- Wanting a Reunion, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR WANTING A REUNION: Your mother has the right to host who she wants at her home, even though this seems unfair to you. Whatever the reasons your mother does not get along with her mother and other family members, you have no control over that. At the same time, it is perfectly understandable that you want to see your grandmother and other family members at this important time in your life.

If you want to include them in a celebration, you have options. Create a celebration in a neutral place where all family members are welcome. Or have a separate event that includes the other family members in addition to the event your mother has planned. You may even want to ask your grandmother or other members to have a small dinner at one of their homes where you can come to be with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex called and asked me to go to dinner with him. When I asked him why, he said it was a surprise. I am so nervous about this meeting. I still have feelings for him, and I think it would be devastating if he decided to announce an engagement or something. What should I do? -- Ex-Claiming, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR EX-CLAIMING: You can call him back for clarification and be up-front. Tell him, with a touch of humor in your voice, that as much as you would enjoy seeing him, you are not ready to be a bridesmaid in his wedding or meet his fiancee. Ask him to spare you the face-to-face if that is his news. If he says he still wants to meet, proceed with caution. Be prepared to tell him how you feel if you do get together.