DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for a couple of months now, but we are "working on it." I love him, but working on it isn't enough. Recently, I have been flirting and spending phone and text time with another gentleman. I am really feeling him. He lives in another state and thinks I no longer speak to my ex, and he definitely doesn't know we are "working on it." He is coming to visit me soon, and I feel I should tell him the status of my ex and me -- what do you think? -- Teetering, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR TEETERING: Ever heard of the saying, "First things first"? This applies here. You need to handle your business. Do you want to be finished with the relationship with your ex-boyfriend? If so, end it. Tell him you don't want to "work on it," that it is over for you. Make a complete and clean break. Once you have ended that commitment, you have space to figure out if this other guy or someone else is worthy of your time and attention.

As far as the timing of this other guy's visit, if you have not finalized your relationship before he is expected to come, you should tell him that the relationship isn't over. You may want to recommend that he postpone his trip until you have gotten your house in order.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a senior with two classes left, which I'm finishing online. My graduation will be in my home state. My close friend is graduating as well, and hers is before mine. Of course I am proud of her, but her graduation party is becoming too consuming. I said I'd help plan and handle whatever I can, but now I am back in school. She has an attitude because I wasn't able to make it to a cake testing due to exams and is mad because I can't take work off the day of her party, even though I'll be there on time. Can you please give me advice on how to settle this? -- Stretched Too Thin, Chicago

DEAR STRETCHED TOO THIN: You need to manage expectations here. Sit your friend down and talk to her about what's going on in the coming days. Let her know how much you love her and how much you want to support her. And make it clear that you can do only so much. Be direct and specific about how you can help.

Let her know that because you, too, are headed toward graduation and finishing up classes, your time is limited. Ask for her understanding and support. She may remain mad, but at least you will have stated your situation as clearly as you are able.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a problem with my mother. She is flirting with my husband and has been for the five years she has lived near us. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, but when my mother decided to move out of one state to live with us, I refused. I don't trust her, and I know she just used me to attract men. So she has lived about a mile from us for the last five years. She is 84 years old, hated my father for the 47 years they were married and still hates him even though he has been dead for eight years. My dad did everything she wanted. He gave her a nice home, cars and spending money -- he loved her even after they were divorced. She ran off with an older man, but that didn't last because his ex-wife took him back.

Now it seems like she wants my husband! She kisses him on the lips in front of me. I tell her that he is mine, and she laughs and says he is hers, too. Then she giggles and walks away. When my husband goes over to help her, she tricks him into kissing on the lips again. We have caught her in lies, but he just says that she's old. I hate what she is doing to our marriage. I love my husband and trust him completely. I don't trust my mother. We haven't been close for 40 years.

When my mother's sister died in 1996, my mother acted in a motherly way to my adult cousins. They think she is just the cutest, so they always come first with her. My brothers and I never hear from her unless she wants something. My younger brother won't do anything with our mother because she hates his wife.

So now I am saddled with her. I don't know what to say or do that will get into her head that I am serious that my husband is mine, and I don't share. -- Hands Off, Chicago

DEAR HANDS OFF: At 84, your mother is not likely to change. What you have described is unfortunate, but it does not have to damage your marriage. Your husband is not going to run away with your mother. If he chalks her behavior up to old age, it sounds like he is able to manage her inappropriateness without being too uncomfortable. He could also tell her to stop kissing him on the lips. He can stop reaching toward her to hug or kiss her at all. He is the one who has to do something, though. Your words and warnings are falling on deaf ears.

Since you know how your mother is, do your best to stop getting undone by it. Instead, focus your energy on your marriage. Continue to engage in intimate and fun activities with just you and your husband.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a lot of women, and it's beginning to be way too much with all the posing and weight loss competition going on. There is even a 65-year-old colleague who is in on the competition. They all claim different reasons for weight loss, but I know they are competing with each other. My manager has had lap band surgery, and her ego has gotten so big that I do not want to be in the same room as her. She is always sizing up the women next to her -- including me -- and talking about her weight loss. Another female co-worker who is almost 50 says she is going to start bodybuilding. There's nothing wrong with that except she won't stop asking people how much it looks like she's lost. She weighs in on a daily basis. The older woman reads all the labels of my food and tells me why I should not eat it.

I am tired of it all and happy with how I look. I eat in moderation and I walk, but I am not in competition with this crazy group -- I just like to breathe freely. I want this to all go away or not involve me. How do I do this without them thinking I am trying to one-up them or join their covert competition? -- Count Me Out, Washington, D.C.

DEAR COUNT ME OUT: That's a lot to take in on a daily basis! What you need is tunnel vision. You are going to have to figure out how to focus on your work in a laser-sharp manner, clearing your mind's eye of these women and their weight loss obsession. You can stop responding when they ask you questions or model before you. You can store your food in private and remove labels so that there is less ammunition for them to pick at. You can tell the woman who evaluates your food that you are not interested in her comments.

Mostly, though, do your job. When they slip into weight chat, walk away. Because they are so immersed in this discussion, chances are they may not even notice that you are not participating. If you need to say something, though, feel confident stating that you are not interested in being a part of that conversation. It doesn't matter what they think.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In my college writing class, there are at least two people who talk constantly in every two-hour session. I think they're nice people, but when it comes to the writing class, I need to concentrate. How should I approach them without hurting their feelings? -- Want to Learn, New York City

DEAR WANT TO LEARN: Can you move your seat away from these people? Position yourself as close to the teacher as you can. You can also ask them to lower their voices. State the obvious -- you can't hear the teacher when they are talking.