DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I visit my sister, I leave frustrated. She is so bossy. For the entire time we are together, she tells me what to do and when. I always feel like I'm on pins and needles. When I visit, I stay in her house, which makes it that much worse -- it's her turf. I do appreciate being able to visit her, as she lives far away from our family. But honestly, we are both adults (well into our 40s), and I am sick of her and her ways. When I have told her how I feel, she says I am too sensitive. Maybe so, but I have had enough. -- Over Sibling Squabbles, Philadelphia

DEAR OVER SIBLING SQUABBLES: You have to change the dynamics of your relationship. That likely means staying somewhere else when you visit. Do you have friends who live in her town? Is there a nearby hotel or motel that is affordable? By redefining the way in which you engage, you create the opportunity to shake up the old ways and define new terms.

In the moment, you can also speak up for yourself. Without arguing, you can stand your ground. If she pushes you about something that you consider to be unreasonable, say so. Tell her to back off, that you need some space, that you are not going to do whatever it is she has requested.

Ultimately, you may also decide that you are going to visit with less frequency. For the most part, people are the way they are. It is unhealthy for you to keep up your desire to stay close to your sister, though, if what you actually experience is hostility. For more support, read "Why Can't We Get Along: Healing Adult Sibling Relationships" by Peter Goldenthal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I looked in the mirror the other day and had to gasp. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but I have gained a tremendous amount of weight. I used to be so cute and hip. Now I am fat. It will come as no surprise that I do not exercise much at all. I work a million hours to take care of my family. I am afraid that if I don't do something, though, really bad things might happen. How can I turn my life around? -- Almost Obese, Salt Lake City

DEAR ALMOST OBESE: You've taken the first step -- recognizing the truth about your body. Next, schedule a physical. Find out everything that is right and everything that needs improvement in your body. Ask your internist for a referral to a nutritionist. If you are considered obese, your insurance will likely cover this service. Learn how to eat more conscientiously. And choose some kind of physical activity to get your body moving. If you can, find a buddy who will support you as you begin your journey to wellness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was laid off from my job about a year ago, and I need to get my yearly physical. My insurance expired a few months ago, and I need to find an affordable way to see the doctor. I am 42-year-old male. Do you have any suggestions? -- Get Fit, Los Angeles

DEAR GET FIT: I feel your pain. There are too many people who choose to be responsible for their health and want to take the right steps but cannot afford to do so. Since you did have insurance, check to see if COBRA can still support you. Perhaps the time limit for the insurance program is not up yet. Talk to your insurance company about any extensions that you might be able to request. Sometimes there are options that are not commonly revealed. Here is a link to more information about health coverage for unemployed workers in your state: edd.ca.gov/jobs_and_Training/Health_Coverage_for_Unemployed_Workers.htm.

Beyond this, if you have any money, you can go to one of those walk-in health facilities that offer physicals and other health services. Let them know you are unemployed -- you may be able to receive a discount. What will not work is going to a hospital emergency room, which many indigent people use as the doctor's office. Emergency room care should be limited to real emergencies. Doctors there do not check for overall physical health.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a date this past weekend with a beautiful woman who I have been trying to see for some time now. For our date, we went to a book signing party. The book signing party and subsequent dance party was amazing, and we had great time. During the dance party, we had an interesting conversation about a possible relationship. What came out of the dialogue was that she was okay with being friends. I said OK, but I would like to see what could come out of a potential relationship. Do you think I should pursue a different relationship and just be friends with this woman? -- Just Friends, Chicago

DEAR JUST FRIENDS: Did you tell her that you want more than what she is offering? You have already said that you have been trying to see her for some time. What has been the block to making that happen? Could it be, unfortunately, that you have always been the one seeking a romantic relationship while she has always wanted to be friends? If that is true, it may be time to face reality. If you have never made it clear to her what your intentions are, now is the time to do so. Otherwise, you will continue to wish and hope and end up unfulfilled. Of course, the downside is that she could push way back if you push her toward intimacy. Dwelling in the purgatory of your desire is no fun either. Stake your claim and see what happens.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently visited Miami and fell in love. During my visit, I decided I wanted to move there and start a new life. To help with my transition, I asked for a work transfer since the company I work for has a location there. There were two positions available, and the Miami manager was interested in me. My current manager denied my transfer, saying it is in my best interest to stay. I was just promoted to a full-time position, and we are losing our assistant manager soon. I feel discouraged and like my manager's decision was selfish and inconsiderate. What am I to do? -- Ready to Move, Chicago

DEAR READY TO MOVE: If you are prepared to pack up and move to Miami, focus on that. Start researching other job opportunities there. If you have been good at your current job and have someone who can provide you with a solid recommendation, use that to put out feelers for other jobs. You can also let the manager in the Miami store know how much you wish you could come there, but your manager is unwilling to budge on the transfer. You have to be clear that you are ready to move, even if you don't get the transfer.

It makes sense that your boss would want you to stay -- especially if you are a valuable employee who has received training and a recent promotion. That an assistant manager is leaving makes it potentially more difficult for your current employer to survive comfortably without you. If you are not 100 percent bent on moving, this may be the time to negotiate your future at home. Find out if you might be considered for the assistant manager position now or in the near future. Figure out what incentives exist for you where you are. That doesn't mean you never move to Miami, but it could delay your move and keep Miami as a cool vacation site for now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's my senior year, and I am looking forward to graduating come June; however, my school is asking for a $600 down payment to start my last two online classes. I planned my vacation during the month my school wants the money. My mom said she'd give me the money to start class on time, but she doesn't know I am going on vacation. To make matters worse, my mom just bought a house, and her mean boss just told her she's on a 90-day probation because she took a week off to move. I don't want to be selfish, but know I can pay my mom back within a month, and I really want to go on vacation and finish school. What should I do? -- Want to Do the Right Thing, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING: Tell your mother the truth. Ask for her opinion. If you are absolutely certain that you will be able to pay your mother back in a timely manner and she still wants to offer the loan, you can accept it. Otherwise, find out if you can forfeit your vacation without too great a penalty and take care of business. You cannot afford to go on vacation and enroll in school.

By all means, be there for your mom, too, as she navigates her probation.