DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be very close friends with two of my neighbors. One has been a very good friend for more than eight years, and the other has lived in the neighborhood for only about three years. We are all moms and wives, and we have a lot in common. I introduced the two of them last summer because I don't like to leave anyone out. Now they are inseparable, and I am not "in the loop" anymore. I work three days per week, and they are stay-at-home moms. They go to movies, have play dates, eat dinner, etc. without even inviting me. Some of these activities take place when I am at work, but others happen when I'm not working. Because we live on the same street, I can see when one is at the other's home. The last time we got together was at my house a couple of months ago. I have not received an invite since then.

This issue has hurt me deeply. These ladies and I have shared a lot of our lives, and our kids play together. I thought we had the type of friendship that would withstand me being absent part of the time, but apparently they've decided they are perfectly happy without me. I've always known a three-way friendship was hard, but I never thought I'd be on the outs.

I struggle with whether to say anything. Part of me wants to get my feelings in the open and find out if something I did has offended them. But another part of me just wants to close myself off from them and hope they get the message that they've hurt me. I do not like drama, and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of discussing this with them. What do you think? -- Feeling Rejected, Pittsburgh

DEAR FEELING REJECTED: Friendships among three people often leave someone feeling left out, yet it is definitely possible to navigate them successfully if everyone is interested. If you want to be back in the mix of this friend circle, it's time to talk to these ladies. Do not complain or whine. Instead, invite them over and let them know how much you miss them. Tell them you are so happy that your introduction of them last summer clicked so well. Remind them that while you do work, you would like to spend time together whenever possible. You can ask if you offended them in some way since they haven't included you of late.

Closing yourself off will likely not work. People are not mind readers. Chances are that they might not even notice that you are being distant. They could interpret your absence as busyness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy your column, but I was a bit confused about this letter and your answer to the woman whose best friend chose the wrong restaurant for her surprise birthday party. Why wouldn't the woman's boyfriend know her favorite restaurant? He should know that she doesn't like Italian food. -- Confused, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CONFUSED: Yes, the boyfriend should know his girlfriend's food preference, but sometimes significant others are clueless about these things. In this case, the issue seemed to be that the best friend was taking over the birthday celebration plans and the boyfriend was blindly going along. The whole scenario sends up red flags, among them that the boyfriend and girlfriend need to be tight enough that the best friend cannot make a mess of their relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children have been in private school since they were born. They have had a great experience thus far, and we see that they are flourishing. This is why we are so distraught about our next steps.

My husband lost his job almost a year ago, and I work but do not make much money. We can no longer afford to pay for private school. We applied for financial aid, but what was offered is not enough for us to manage. We are going to have to move them to other schools, and we are devastated.

We have found decent public schools they can attend. But we are heartbroken. Can you give us any advice on how to break the news to our children? -- Broken, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR BROKEN: I feel your pain.

For many families in this still-fragile economy, it can be hard to survive even when private school education is not a consideration. In your case, if you need to cut expenses so that your home can be secure and you can put food on the table, that is your reality. Or perhaps you recognized that if you don’t save more aggressively now, you will suffer in the future.

You have to get your minds and hearts right for your children to stand a chance. Moving from the expense of private school to the freedom of a public school education can bring joy and possibility to your family. Once you have found and convinced yourselves of the benefits, you can share that reality and enthusiasm with your children.

Do not shield your children from the fact that private school is too expensive for your family. Teach them how much things cost and how to make a budget. The more anchored in the truth about your family needs and choices they are now, the better able they will be to make smart decisions when it is their turn to do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married almost 20 years. We went to an event recently and saw a lot of people we had not seen in years. One woman saw me first, then I called my husband over to say hello. Her mouth fell open when she saw him, then she said she was afraid to ask if we were still married since so few people are. We all chuckled and moved on, but it was weird. It happens a lot that people say they are afraid to ask if we are still married. Is that really so unusual? -- Together Forever, Newark, N.J.

DEAR TOGETHER FOREVER: Unfortunately, nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce. That means people who go long stretches without seeing couples they know do not have any assurance that the couples are still together. Asking about a spouse who may be an ex-spouse can be awkward, which is why many people choose to say nothing, which can also seem awkward. This is a sign of our times.

To avoid feeling stuck in the middle, try piping up early in the conversation. Say something specific about your husband and you so that it is clear you are still together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter is musically inclined. This includes playing the violin and the recorder. Recently, she has been learning how to whistle. I don't know if they are formally teaching her this in music class, but she is whistling with some force and to a tune.

On the one hand, this shows her ability to use her breath effectively. But I am old school. I was always taught that it is bad manners for a girl to whistle, especially in public, at the dinner table and such.

I don't want to stifle my girl's creativity, but I do think that some places are inappropriate for whistling. What do you think? -- Anti-Whistler, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR ANTI-WHISTLER: I beg you not to stifle your daughter's exploration. She is discovering the power and control she has over her body, including how she can create sound. As a budding musician, this is important in her development.

That said, you should also give her parameters. I, too, believe that whistling and singing at the dinner table are inappropriate. The same goes for whistling at a public function, such as in class or in church. Teach your daughter where you think it is OK to whistle, and when. Then encourage her to explore this new frontier within those parameters.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died a few years ago. We had a contentious relationship. Now I have learned that certain things I believed about him were wrong. I discovered that one of his siblings had done some unkind things that were attributed to my father and that definitely tainted our relationship.

I feel horrible. How can I forgive myself for so harshly judging my father? And what should I say to his sibling? -- Mortified, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MORTIFIED: The good news is that you can offer your respect and apologies to your father, even though he has passed. You can forgive him for whatever he actually did to hurt you, and you can forgive yourself for not being kinder when he was alive. The act of forgiveness is powerful and can take time. This is especially true when the person who requires forgiveness is you.

If your father's sibling is of sound mind, meet with him or her. Tell this relative of your inner conflict -- namely, that you spent many years being angry with your dad, in part because of the piece of information that you recently learned is attributable to the relative. Ask why this relative never acknowledged doing whatever is in question. Tell your father's sibling how hurtful it was for you to believe that your father had been the culprit. Tell your relative that you intend to forgive him or her but that it may take time because you are hurting right now.

To support you through this tough time, you may want to read "Forgiveness Is a Choice" by Robert D. Enright. One great website that is filled with inspirational quotes and commentary is tinybuddha.com.