DEAR HARRIETTE: My children have been in private school since they were born. They have had a great experience thus far, and we see that they are flourishing. This is why we are so distraught about our next steps.

My husband lost his job almost a year ago, and I work but do not make much money. We can no longer afford to pay for private school. We applied for financial aid, but what was offered is not enough for us to manage. We are going to have to move them to other schools, and we are devastated.

We have found decent public schools they can attend. But we are heartbroken. Can you give us any advice on how to break the news to our children? -- Broken, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR BROKEN: I feel your pain.

For many families in this still-fragile economy, it can be hard to survive even when private school education is not a consideration. In your case, if you need to cut expenses so that your home can be secure and you can put food on the table, that is your reality. Or perhaps you recognized that if you don’t save more aggressively now, you will suffer in the future.

You have to get your minds and hearts right for your children to stand a chance. Moving from the expense of private school to the freedom of a public school education can bring joy and possibility to your family. Once you have found and convinced yourselves of the benefits, you can share that reality and enthusiasm with your children.

Do not shield your children from the fact that private school is too expensive for your family. Teach them how much things cost and how to make a budget. The more anchored in the truth about your family needs and choices they are now, the better able they will be to make smart decisions when it is their turn to do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married almost 20 years. We went to an event recently and saw a lot of people we had not seen in years. One woman saw me first, then I called my husband over to say hello. Her mouth fell open when she saw him, then she said she was afraid to ask if we were still married since so few people are. We all chuckled and moved on, but it was weird. It happens a lot that people say they are afraid to ask if we are still married. Is that really so unusual? -- Together Forever, Newark, N.J.

DEAR TOGETHER FOREVER: Unfortunately, nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce. That means people who go long stretches without seeing couples they know do not have any assurance that the couples are still together. Asking about a spouse who may be an ex-spouse can be awkward, which is why many people choose to say nothing, which can also seem awkward. This is a sign of our times.

To avoid feeling stuck in the middle, try piping up early in the conversation. Say something specific about your husband and you so that it is clear you are still together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter is musically inclined. This includes playing the violin and the recorder. Recently, she has been learning how to whistle. I don't know if they are formally teaching her this in music class, but she is whistling with some force and to a tune.

On the one hand, this shows her ability to use her breath effectively. But I am old school. I was always taught that it is bad manners for a girl to whistle, especially in public, at the dinner table and such.

I don't want to stifle my girl's creativity, but I do think that some places are inappropriate for whistling. What do you think? -- Anti-Whistler, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR ANTI-WHISTLER: I beg you not to stifle your daughter's exploration. She is discovering the power and control she has over her body, including how she can create sound. As a budding musician, this is important in her development.

That said, you should also give her parameters. I, too, believe that whistling and singing at the dinner table are inappropriate. The same goes for whistling at a public function, such as in class or in church. Teach your daughter where you think it is OK to whistle, and when. Then encourage her to explore this new frontier within those parameters.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died a few years ago. We had a contentious relationship. Now I have learned that certain things I believed about him were wrong. I discovered that one of his siblings had done some unkind things that were attributed to my father and that definitely tainted our relationship.

I feel horrible. How can I forgive myself for so harshly judging my father? And what should I say to his sibling? -- Mortified, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MORTIFIED: The good news is that you can offer your respect and apologies to your father, even though he has passed. You can forgive him for whatever he actually did to hurt you, and you can forgive yourself for not being kinder when he was alive. The act of forgiveness is powerful and can take time. This is especially true when the person who requires forgiveness is you.

If your father's sibling is of sound mind, meet with him or her. Tell this relative of your inner conflict -- namely, that you spent many years being angry with your dad, in part because of the piece of information that you recently learned is attributable to the relative. Ask why this relative never acknowledged doing whatever is in question. Tell your father's sibling how hurtful it was for you to believe that your father had been the culprit. Tell your relative that you intend to forgive him or her but that it may take time because you are hurting right now.

To support you through this tough time, you may want to read "Forgiveness Is a Choice" by Robert D. Enright. One great website that is filled with inspirational quotes and commentary is tinybuddha.com.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently applied for financial aid for the 2013 summer and fall semesters. I am currently completing my first semester and have been a good student. I am two-thirds finished with my application process, and all I need is a copy of my taxes.

Here lies the problem: I filed my taxes with a nationally known tax company, and I was informed it would not be able to generate a copy because there was a software glitch during the weeks I filled out my paperwork. I really need the copy to complete my financial aid paperwork; that way, I will not need to apply for a loan.

I called the IRS to see if it could help me. I was told I would have to wait four to six weeks for the IRS databases to update.

I am afraid I will miss registration because I was not able to get my paperwork in time. Please help. -- College Student, New York

DEAR COLLEGE STUDENT: Now is the time to work on your relationships all the way around.

Go to the tax company that you used and find out if you can get a letter explaining the situation and acknowledging that you filed your taxes properly. There may be a chance that you can get some kind of formal letter, even if it isn't the one you ultimately need. Ask the IRS the same thing. What interim document might the IRS be able to provide to prove that you have done due diligence?

Next, go to your school. Do your best to schedule a meeting with the bursar's office to discuss your situation. If you already have your grades, show that you are a student in good academic standing. Show all of the paperwork you have that illustrates your efforts to get your papers in order. Ask for lenience this semester, and show the bursar the notification from the IRS about when you will receive the updated copy.

If none of that works, file for a student loan to cover the costs of the next semester. Once your paperwork is sorted out, hopefully you will not have to do that again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event that was all the rage for my industry. It seemed like absolutely everybody was there, except for one former leader in the industry. I thought it was odd that he wasn't present, and I wonder if he knew about it.

I'm not sure how to react. My one thought is to contact him to see if he is OK and to ask him why he didn't attend. Another part of me doesn't want to rub his face in it if for some reason he wasn't invited.

What do you think I should do? I would feel terrible if he was just overlooked and I pointed it out. -- Wondering, Shreveport, La.

DEAR WONDERING: I like the idea of checking in with this person to see if he is OK. You can also tell him that you recently went to the event in question. Tell him it was lovely and that you missed seeing him. He can respond as he sees fit, but in case he didn't know, he will have learned about it from a friend.