DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter is musically inclined. This includes playing the violin and the recorder. Recently, she has been learning how to whistle. I don't know if they are formally teaching her this in music class, but she is whistling with some force and to a tune.

On the one hand, this shows her ability to use her breath effectively. But I am old school. I was always taught that it is bad manners for a girl to whistle, especially in public, at the dinner table and such.

I don't want to stifle my girl's creativity, but I do think that some places are inappropriate for whistling. What do you think? -- Anti-Whistler, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR ANTI-WHISTLER: I beg you not to stifle your daughter's exploration. She is discovering the power and control she has over her body, including how she can create sound. As a budding musician, this is important in her development.

That said, you should also give her parameters. I, too, believe that whistling and singing at the dinner table are inappropriate. The same goes for whistling at a public function, such as in class or in church. Teach your daughter where you think it is OK to whistle, and when. Then encourage her to explore this new frontier within those parameters.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died a few years ago. We had a contentious relationship. Now I have learned that certain things I believed about him were wrong. I discovered that one of his siblings had done some unkind things that were attributed to my father and that definitely tainted our relationship.

I feel horrible. How can I forgive myself for so harshly judging my father? And what should I say to his sibling? -- Mortified, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MORTIFIED: The good news is that you can offer your respect and apologies to your father, even though he has passed. You can forgive him for whatever he actually did to hurt you, and you can forgive yourself for not being kinder when he was alive. The act of forgiveness is powerful and can take time. This is especially true when the person who requires forgiveness is you.

If your father's sibling is of sound mind, meet with him or her. Tell this relative of your inner conflict -- namely, that you spent many years being angry with your dad, in part because of the piece of information that you recently learned is attributable to the relative. Ask why this relative never acknowledged doing whatever is in question. Tell your father's sibling how hurtful it was for you to believe that your father had been the culprit. Tell your relative that you intend to forgive him or her but that it may take time because you are hurting right now.

To support you through this tough time, you may want to read "Forgiveness Is a Choice" by Robert D. Enright. One great website that is filled with inspirational quotes and commentary is tinybuddha.com.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently applied for financial aid for the 2013 summer and fall semesters. I am currently completing my first semester and have been a good student. I am two-thirds finished with my application process, and all I need is a copy of my taxes.

Here lies the problem: I filed my taxes with a nationally known tax company, and I was informed it would not be able to generate a copy because there was a software glitch during the weeks I filled out my paperwork. I really need the copy to complete my financial aid paperwork; that way, I will not need to apply for a loan.

I called the IRS to see if it could help me. I was told I would have to wait four to six weeks for the IRS databases to update.

I am afraid I will miss registration because I was not able to get my paperwork in time. Please help. -- College Student, New York

DEAR COLLEGE STUDENT: Now is the time to work on your relationships all the way around.

Go to the tax company that you used and find out if you can get a letter explaining the situation and acknowledging that you filed your taxes properly. There may be a chance that you can get some kind of formal letter, even if it isn't the one you ultimately need. Ask the IRS the same thing. What interim document might the IRS be able to provide to prove that you have done due diligence?

Next, go to your school. Do your best to schedule a meeting with the bursar's office to discuss your situation. If you already have your grades, show that you are a student in good academic standing. Show all of the paperwork you have that illustrates your efforts to get your papers in order. Ask for lenience this semester, and show the bursar the notification from the IRS about when you will receive the updated copy.

If none of that works, file for a student loan to cover the costs of the next semester. Once your paperwork is sorted out, hopefully you will not have to do that again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event that was all the rage for my industry. It seemed like absolutely everybody was there, except for one former leader in the industry. I thought it was odd that he wasn't present, and I wonder if he knew about it.

I'm not sure how to react. My one thought is to contact him to see if he is OK and to ask him why he didn't attend. Another part of me doesn't want to rub his face in it if for some reason he wasn't invited.

What do you think I should do? I would feel terrible if he was just overlooked and I pointed it out. -- Wondering, Shreveport, La.

DEAR WONDERING: I like the idea of checking in with this person to see if he is OK. You can also tell him that you recently went to the event in question. Tell him it was lovely and that you missed seeing him. He can respond as he sees fit, but in case he didn't know, he will have learned about it from a friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of 15 years gave me a boring gift for my birthday that really did not reflect my personality at all. The good news is, he did give it to me on the morning of my birthday.

I was pretty conflicted over this, but when I told a friend, she said she wished that the corny birthday gift her husband gave her every year like clockwork would come again this year. He died a few years back. She really made me see how petty I was being. We reminisced about how she would complain every birthday about how lame his little present was. Now she longs for it.

Why is it that we never get what we want or appreciate what we have? -- Frustrated, Los Angeles

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I hope you gave your husband an extra-special thank-you after hearing your friend's experience of mourning. Her story was an important reality check that helped give you perspective.

Sure, it would be amazing if your husband got it exactly right and presented you with a gift that inspired the biggest smile. Maybe you can get there by gently helping him know the things you like during the course of the year -- not by pointing out that you thought his gift was mediocre. As the saying goes, it really is the thought that counts. He did think about you on your special day.

Another way to promote better understanding of what kinds of gifts you might appreciate is to be more fully present with each other. Sometimes when couples have been together a long time, they slip into taking each other for granted. Refresh your commitment to each other by talking about your likes and dislikes, your preferences and desires. You may end up rekindling your bond -- the best gift of all.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your letter about the gal who wanted to lose 20 pounds, and it echoed a similar scenario with my friends.

A month ago we were all playing bunco, and someone mentioned that she had seen a Groupon for Zumba. Seven of us thought it would be a fun way to kick-start a diet/exercise program in the wintertime.

We all try to attend these fun dance classes, but if only three can go, we still have a support group. Most of us have dropped a few pounds, but even more, we are really enjoying connecting more often with one another, and NOT over lunch! Zumba got us moving! -- On the Move, Racine, Wis.

DEAR ON THE MOVE: Good for you and your friends for creating a scenario where you support one another in your path toward fitness. Especially when you have not yet developed the discipline to work out, it can be useful to have friends who can help hold you accountable.

The incentive that comes from losing a little weight is real. The bonus of getting quality friend time is amazing. Now, if you add one more element -- a realistic goal for the summer -- you may be able to keep up the momentum as the seasons change. Good luck!