DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of 15 years gave me a boring gift for my birthday that really did not reflect my personality at all. The good news is, he did give it to me on the morning of my birthday.

I was pretty conflicted over this, but when I told a friend, she said she wished that the corny birthday gift her husband gave her every year like clockwork would come again this year. He died a few years back. She really made me see how petty I was being. We reminisced about how she would complain every birthday about how lame his little present was. Now she longs for it.

Why is it that we never get what we want or appreciate what we have? -- Frustrated, Los Angeles

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I hope you gave your husband an extra-special thank-you after hearing your friend's experience of mourning. Her story was an important reality check that helped give you perspective.

Sure, it would be amazing if your husband got it exactly right and presented you with a gift that inspired the biggest smile. Maybe you can get there by gently helping him know the things you like during the course of the year -- not by pointing out that you thought his gift was mediocre. As the saying goes, it really is the thought that counts. He did think about you on your special day.

Another way to promote better understanding of what kinds of gifts you might appreciate is to be more fully present with each other. Sometimes when couples have been together a long time, they slip into taking each other for granted. Refresh your commitment to each other by talking about your likes and dislikes, your preferences and desires. You may end up rekindling your bond -- the best gift of all.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your letter about the gal who wanted to lose 20 pounds, and it echoed a similar scenario with my friends.

A month ago we were all playing bunco, and someone mentioned that she had seen a Groupon for Zumba. Seven of us thought it would be a fun way to kick-start a diet/exercise program in the wintertime.

We all try to attend these fun dance classes, but if only three can go, we still have a support group. Most of us have dropped a few pounds, but even more, we are really enjoying connecting more often with one another, and NOT over lunch! Zumba got us moving! -- On the Move, Racine, Wis.

DEAR ON THE MOVE: Good for you and your friends for creating a scenario where you support one another in your path toward fitness. Especially when you have not yet developed the discipline to work out, it can be useful to have friends who can help hold you accountable.

The incentive that comes from losing a little weight is real. The bonus of getting quality friend time is amazing. Now, if you add one more element -- a realistic goal for the summer -- you may be able to keep up the momentum as the seasons change. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be super-close to one of my cousins. We talked all the time and really seemed more like sisters. Even after she moved clear across the country, we stayed in touch and shared our stories about our lives. Several years ago she moved a few continents away, and we lost touch with each other.

She called me out of the blue recently for my birthday, and it was so sweet. In a way, it felt like no time had passed between us. We just picked up where we left off and filled in each other on our lives. It was so great.

When we got off the phone, I realized that she hadn't given me her contact information. I have no idea how to reach her. I do not want five more years to go by. What can I do? -- Lost Cuz, Baltimore

DEAR LOST CUZ: It is wonderful that you reconnected with your cousin. I doubt that she intended to withhold her phone number. But do not despair. The Internet is an incredibly useful tool for finding people. Look at all of the traditional social media sites and search for your cousin's name. Also, think about which other family members might have her contact information, and check with them to see if they know how to reach her. I'm sure she told you where she lives. Find out if the local telephone company there might have a listing for her.

You are likely to find her -- if she doesn't reach out to you again first. Don't give up!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column and enjoy it very much.

I don't understand why the father was so upset with his wife and daughter about the daughter warming up leftovers from the previous night's dinner for a 5 a.m. breakfast. He should be pleased she's eating a good breakfast. So many children her age want nothing but sweet cereal, doughnuts or Pop-Tart-type pastries for breakfast. Has he never heard the saying, "Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a banker and supper like a pauper"?

Does he want the whole family to eat breakfast together? I can understand dinner, but early morning schedules are so different that usually everybody eats, or doesn't eat, at a different time. If a food is nutritious, it's just as nutritious at 5 o'clock in the morning as it is at 6 o'clock in the evening. I'm just puzzled about his reaction. It seems unwarranted to me. -- Shaking My Head, Cleburne, Texas

DEAR SHAKING MY HEAD: Your points are well founded. Other readers have written in to add that this father may be super-controlling, an unhealthy approach toward parenting and family life. Mom needs to stand up for the child and help stave off the intense negativity that is coming at her and the child from the father.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Why is it that every time I try to do something nice for somebody, it comes back to bite me?

I have an assistant who has a bad attitude. I try to tell her nicely how I want her to behave and what is appropriate at our job. She just looks at me and shrugs it off. She doesn't change at all, unless the change is to act worse -- the whole sticking-out-her-lip thing and rolling her eyes. We work in a professional environment, and she acts like a spoiled brat. It is really awful.

I have tried to teach her what we expect, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I am only a few years older than she is, and I wonder if this is why she doesn't respect me.

What can I do? If she doesn't get her act together, she is not going to make it here. -- Dissed Boss, Chicago

DEAR DISSED BOSS: Talk to your human resources representative to verify the official way in which you should issue a warning to your assistant. You have already attempted to teach her what you deem appropriate, and she has not responded favorably. Sometimes having a formal warning helps to wake up a person to the responsibilities at hand.

It is common for young people in leadership positions to find themselves in conflict when demonstrating authority over staff members of any age. To counterbalance that, always behave professionally, dress as maturely as is appropriate for your role and remember that you and your staff members are not friends. You are the boss. You do not need to be rude, but be firm and clear about roles. This may help you from feeling that you are being ignored.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your response to "No Money Lost," the writer whose online pen pal asked for $500 to pay for a family member's funeral, missed a very big red flag. Whenever someone you have not met in person asks for money, it should be considered a potential scam.

Why would this pen pal ask a person she has never met in person (and only recently met online) to help pay for her father's funeral? Why wouldn't she go to her family? Or, better yet, plan a funeral she and her family could afford!

Harriette, this woman truly is a stranger to the writer, despite their frequency of communication. There's no telling if any of her story is true. "No Money Lost" did the right thing in turning down her request. I'd bet my own money that she no longer communicates with your reader now that it's clear there will be no payday. -- Call Me Skeptical

DEAR CALL ME SKEPTICAL: It is fair to call me naive on this subject. While I did not recommend that "No Money Lost" give the Internet friend money, I also did not point out the potential or even the likelihood that the pen pal may have been perpetrating what is known as a "phishing" scam.

There are untruthful people in the world who prey on those who are kind, thoughtful and, yes, naive. For recommendations on how to spot phishing, here is one good link: microsoft.com/security/online-privacy/phishing-symptoms.aspx. There are plenty of others that provide insight into how to spot phishing and avoid being conned.