DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw on Facebook that one of my longtime friends is getting married. She looks so pretty and sounds so excited in her message.

I want to congratulate her, but I don't want to make her feel bad if she isn't planning on inviting me to her wedding. Obviously, I would like to be invited. But I understand how expensive weddings can be and do not have any expectations about going.

How do I congratulate her without asking? I really am not trying to push her one way or the other. -- Well-Wisher, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WELL-WISHER: Be authentically happy for your friend. Give her a call and congratulate her. Invite her to lunch or out for drinks to get caught up and to celebrate her engagement. The point is to acknowledge her good news with an independent invitation that is not attached to a party or the actual wedding.

If she agrees, treat her to the outing and listen to her stories. Most brides-to-be are filled with anecdotes about how the couple met and the upcoming nuptials, news about their families and more.

Be sure to catch her up on your life as well. Be a friend -- without attachments. She will appreciate that you are present and asking nothing of her.

Tell her that you love her and want the best for her. Make it clear that you are not asking for an invitation. You are simply offering her your love.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I finally have time to respond to the mother who is distraught because a rude teacher hurt her child's feelings. I am shocked at this. There is absolutely no excuse for any teacher to be rude to any student -- or to anyone else, for that matter. I call that bullying.

I never, ever even had to raise my voice! Empowering students is more work than being a bully.

It sounds like this teacher has gotten away with this, and as you age, a bad habit becomes worse. This is abuse. She should be fired immediately. -- Old School, Vassar, Mich.

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: I couldn't agree with you more that the administration needs to evaluate this teacher's behavior and decide what disciplinary action will be taken. 

I believe the role of a teacher is at least twofold. Of course the teacher is charged with teaching the students a variety of content. At my daughter's school, they go one step further and pronounce that the teachers should inspire students to become lovers of learning.

Additionally, I believe a teacher's responsibility is to empower students to be confident individuals who believe they can learn, grow and prosper. Bullying does the opposite, because it erodes self-confidence and stymies growth.

It is up to parents to stand up to any teacher who is mean, condescending or otherwise bullying any student in the classroom. That may mean speaking directly to the teacher and/or the principal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: On my last birthday, my boyfriend got in contact with my best friend to plan a celebration. He was really sweet, because he invited two of my closest friends, and it was a surprise. However, my best friend told him that an expensive Italian restaurant was my favorite. That was not true. I don't even like Italian food. The bill was so expensive, and my boyfriend paid for everything.

I feel like my friend sabotaged me. I had a nice evening, but I never would have asked my boyfriend to spend all that money on food I didn't even really like. She bragged the whole night about all she had done to plan the birthday.

I think she's jealous. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She keeps saying how great my life is, but I feel like she's trying to either mess it up or insert herself in it. It leaves me with a bad feeling. How can I get her to chill out? -- Not Happy, Denver

DEAR NOT HAPPY: Your friend sounds a bit confused about how to be friends with you right now. On the one hand, she wants the best for you. On the other, she is envious of all the good things that are happening in your life.

Sit down with her and gently tell her how you feel. Thank her for trying to make your birthday special, but mention that it didn't seem like she actually had your best interest at heart. If she is your best friend, she should know what type of food you like, as well as whether you would appreciate having your boyfriend pay for such an expensive meal. Talk to her about how uncomfortable her actions made you feel. Ask her to think more about you next time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Need a Vacation" should not let her husband hold her back from living life! Last year, I wanted to visit my brother in San Diego for two weeks, but my husband said he couldn't get that much time off work. He stayed home and took care of our cats, while our 10-year-old son and I flew to California. We had a great time, including visits to Disneyland and Sea World!

The two of us are going back to San Diego this summer, and my son is so excited. He asked if Daddy was going with us this time. When I said no, he replied, "I guess it's just you and me, pal!" -- Independent Mama, Philadelphia

DEAR INDEPENDENT MAMA: Thank you for sharing your story. I think it is important for families to figure out what works best for them as they navigate life. As you discovered, there may be times when family members do things independently to ensure that dreams are fulfilled. As long as you work together to make your decisions and you have buy-in all around, you can maintain a healthy, happy household and do things together and separately.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do you handle a relationship with a close friend whom you admire, but who you think is jealous of you? My best friend has done a couple of little things that bother me. Last month, I was talking to her about narrowing down my choices for several internship opportunities I had received. She had the audacity to contact me the next day to see if she could have the contact information for one of my opportunities. She didn't ask if it was OK to contact the people.

I took the internship, and while working in the office, I noticed that she had sent her resume to them, even though I had told her not to. I am so hurt. I'm not sure what to do. -- Duped, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR DUPED: Call your friend on her actions. Tell her that you trusted her to be your sounding board and that you did not imagine she would try to steal one of your opportunities for herself. Make it clear that she overstepped her boundaries as your friend and that you feel hurt and violated.

Moving forward, keep in mind that she has issues with boundaries. She has proved that she cannot hold all of your information in confidence, so you cannot safely tell her things. The best way to ensure that you share less with her is to create some distance between you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In today's column, you responded to a woman whose son didn't get into the college of his first choice. In addition to what you wrote, the mother could mention that the college likely accepts transfer students, often between their sophomore and junior years. There tend to be fewer applications for transfers than for freshman admissions.

The young man could look into the transfer requirements and schedule his first two years accordingly. It also may turn out that after two years at School 2, he will have made friends, settled into the college life there and not want to leave. -- Just a Thought, Washington, D.C.

DEAR JUST A THOUGHT: The notion of transferring is a great idea. You are right that often there are far fewer transfers than potential freshmen looking to enter a university.

The larger point, I believe, is that students who do not get into their college of choice at first should not feel stuck. There are options as time goes by, especially if students do well wherever they are in school.